Sentences I didn't think I'd say as a parent...

[AwBlessm]

'Oh, this dog is breastfeeding from the Grinch!'

(I hate role-play games...)

She makes a good point!

"Please don't sing that at nursery" after a lovely verse of "if you're happy and you know it, play with your genitals"

These are great! So many patient pets out there, too.

Is that poo on your foot?

Me correcting my 3 year old while she is singing...

" It's tear us apart, not tear us a fart"

A conversation about PJ masks...

"So I'm Owlet and daddy is Ice Cum!?!" Just for reference the characters name is Ice Cub, but not according to my daughter.

Why have you got a guitar and a robot hand down the front of a fancy dress costume? Get the guitar out of the pants now

We had this rule. Dd2 just loved to be naked. Knickers at dinner time was the compromise. At 12 she’s happiest in a onesie (but I think she’d still rather be naked is social norms allowed).

Also, “do not put your toe in your sister’s foofoo!” (twins in the bath at age 2.5).

Stop hitting your brother with a sword.

Don't tell nursery that I gave you gin and tonic for breakfast.
To be fair, it was the Belvoir juniper tonic drink, not giving a 3 year old booze!

The bleach is beside the vodka in my desk drawer (science project). Phone conversation with child while I was away for work.

I did have a bit of explaining to do to my colleagues who overheard.

Please take the LEGO Star Wars helmet off the end of your willy.

Not just my dc that do that then!

I remember a 'no sword fighting on the stairs' one years back. Dh is a reenactor though so could equally be to him as to the dc

I have loads of these 🤣🤣

’can you please stop trying to put your own penis in your mouth thank you’ is by far the most ridiculous one 💀

'Don't put your willy on your sister'

'Don't wee on the dog'

I have no words for my preschooler son...

'Hair is not food.' (just this morning)

Stop licking the dog/floor/carpet/tree (to be fair he does have a great immune system)

Right, give K her boob back.

My friend has a prosthetic boob after having breast cancer. DSD5 found out about it and was wearing it as a hat and asking us to time how long she could keep it on her head while balancing on her gymnastics beam. 🙈

"Will you please stop trying to set light to the watermelon" .... older teens by the way, not toddlers 😀

"You want to put snails in your flowergirl basket instead of flowers?"

Why is the dog wearing my good bra?

share the spider

Can you stop counting drains and walk a bit quicker?

’we don’t put toys up our bums’ 🤥🤥🤥

We don’t put pasta on our feet and eat it

Mum I dried my slime on the towel!!

Don’t put a peg on your sisters nose (she would have been 5 months old…)

‘Mum I’ve wrapped this round my finger and now my finger is purple’

Don’t lick the soap / your sisters hair please

There’s loads. All the same kid 🤣🤣

Oh we’ve had the bum worm chat too. Thanks Bluey!