Sentences I didn't think I'd say as a parent...

[AwBlessm]

'Oh, this dog is breastfeeding from the Grinch!'

(I hate role-play games...)

Half way on the walk home from school when she unzipped her coat 'Why aren't you wearing your skirt?! Where is it?!'

'for the last time, please stop rubbing yourself on the shop!'

The cat is not a weapon!! (She chases her brother round the house holding the very patient cat out in front her cos he's scared of it)🙄 oh and she makes cat "purritos"

Leave your brother's willy alone
Your sister is not a horse
No, she doesn't want to eat your foot
No, she can't go in the bin

All this weekend

No twerking in the supermarket

Love it. She's got her priorities right.

"under my roof"

When the fun stops, stop. Not sure where I got that from...

You can't pee on your brother. No not even if he dared you to.

Stop licking the trolley. Stop chewing on the trolley. Where did you hide your brother's teddy. You can't pee on your brother's bed....... all the same child. Apparently he's some sort of genius, but he seems to reserve it for getting back at his older brother. The peeing on his brothers bed when he was angry at him as a toddler was a fun stage as was the stuffing his brothers favourite teddy into vents and other small hiding places.

Ha! Now I'm invested in this saga.

Please don’t use your Willy as a bookmark.

🤣🤣🤣

Please stop dispensing ice into your pocket

(In nandos at the self service drinks and ice counter)

Stop licking the floor, we are on a train.

yes, no problem, I can certainly crochet you a toothbrush and toothpaste tube.

I don't care if he's dead we are not eating the goldfish.

We have so many of these at work (in a nursery)... but I can't think of a single example at this second lol.

"It's not kind to call your brother a Great Palooka."

Thank you, but you don't need to bless a fart.

"We don't wear crocodiles in our knickers."

When she stuffed a soft crocodile toy in her knickers and was waving it around like some enormous penis.

Stop licking the car

Please stop yelling "bum worms" at the dinner table.

Fine you can say bum worms at the dinner table but you must promise not to say it at school.

Please don't lick the ice off the car...

“Please take my sanitary towel off your boxer shorts, yes I know mummy wears them but I promise you don’t need to” said to a very excited three year old who had called me into the bathroom. 🙈

Don’t answer the door to the postman when you’re naked and holding the ferret.

Ha ha FB reminded me of one of my favourites recently:

Don't hoover baby Alice! I said don't hoover baby Alice she doesn't like it

Not real names

Your willy is exactly where it belongs, no need to keep checking.
No darling I don't want to eat your bogies.
No, your brother doesn't want to eat them either.
Please don't bite the trolly handle.