If you are a second wife, do you expect to inherit everything from your husband?

[rickyrickygrimes]

… or do you expect him to leave something to his children from a previous marriage?

This subject comes up often on here: man is widowed, inherits everything from his wife, remarries, then dies - leaving everything to his second wife and his children inherit nothing.

this happened quite recently to a friend of mine, which not only did not inherit but also lost his livelihood as he was employed in his fathers business, which his second wife chose to sell as she wasn’t interested in running it.

I’m in France where (as I understand it) children cannot be completely disinherited from a will i.e. part of the estate is always reserved for children and the spouse does not inherit everything. This leads to some very complicated situations but does mean that all children will inherit something from their parents, no matter what the relationship between the parents / children is like.

we often hear from the children on here but not often the pov of the second wife. So I’m interested to know what you think? Do you expect to inherit everything from your husband (which is pretty standard between married couples in the UK)? Or would you expect his children from previous relationships to be included / recognised in his will - especially if he has previously inherited from their mother?

Why would children not get anything just because some shacks up again?

My aunt didn't marry her long term partner for exactly this reason. She had her home already paid off when her partner moved in. She wanted to ensure that her dc inherited from her estate, not her partner's family. My own sister is planning on remarriage, again she is a home owner with a now adult child. I have told her to make sure her will is cast iron to ensure that her dd inherits, and that my neice doesn't loose her mum's estate by it filtering down through her new stepdad to his dc.

My DH came with nothing really. So it's the other way around as I had all the assets and equity and he knows he won't get everything. He will get a percentage with everything else split to my children. There is a life trust in place though. I don't have any provision for my step-children as they'll inherit his share.

Everything about your tone and word choice here speaks volumes.

My biological Dad left when me and my siblings were little. When I was sixteen he met and married someone who was only a few years older than me and had kids with her.
He rarely comes to see me, my siblings and our kids (have seen him once in the last two years) if we say we're in the area and will pop in he's always too busy and he has never even acknowledged his great grandkids. His social media accounts are plastered with his 'proud' stories and photos of family number two.
I don't expect to inherit so much as a bag of buttons from him.

I’m a second wife, DH has two adult kids, I have none. Before we were married DH’s will left his property in trust to his kids, with me being able to live there for life. It may need amending now we are married… but whatever happens, we both wish for his kids to inherit everything. I also have a property which I am leaving to them (as long as they don’t abandon me in old age 😆 - I hope not, we have v.good relationships).
I doubt very much that I would ever remarry, but if I did I would absolutely protect their inheritance.

2nd wife. Husband’s first wife died young so didn’t leave a large estate. House is owned as tenants in common. Husband’s half left to my step-son in his will but he can only have the money when the house is sold (I decide to downsize or go into a care home). Husband’s savings and investments to be split 50/50 between me and step-son. I have no biological children so in my will I have just left everything to my husband. Seemed simplest and fair. I retired early due to ill health and husband has largely supported me so only seems fair he inherits 100% of my estate. We keep a relatively small amount of savings in joint names to cover household maintenance, holidays etc. The rest is in our sole names.

It may do but I have one child and one husband so not sure what it says

My parents divorced and my df remarried. He's put in his will that everything goes to my stepmother. In turn, hers will go to her sister. I'm hurt beyond belief. My step dad also has in his will that his money will go to his children. My father in law has his money to go to my husband or if he dies, my children.

It feels like none of my father figures care enough to look out for me. It's very hurtful.

Edited to add that my df had no further children once remarried

So I'm the child in this situation.

Mum has 3 kids and is remarried to a man also with 3.

I think their wills is the fairest way it can be. But that's down to luck that her husband kept his home and rents it out but lives with mum.

Neither has a claim on the other's home at all. They go to their respective children equally.

Although if mum went first I wouldn't expect her husband to have to move out of what has been his home for years. Can't say siblings would agree though sadly.

I’d expect it to work the same way as if the person was the first wife - the spouse gets enough to continue their lifestyle, the kids might get something then if there were enough assets for that, the the money gets divided between the children after the spouse has died.

I think if you die without a will then the spouse gets the first 350k then the rest is divided 50/50 btwn spouse and kids, so that’s what the law assumes anyways.

I do agree that this shouldn’t depend on the spouse behaving properly and not leaving it to step kids or a new partner, and that should be protected in law.

Ultimately though marriage (or civil partnership) is based on the couple having shared finances and inheriting each others assets, and if you don’t want that you shouldn’t enter into it.

So many variables eg was the first marriage long and the second short or vice versa? My late FIL was married for 4 years, had 2 kids, divorced. Then married MIL and had 3 kids and was with her for 30 years. v different from an old man marrying for the last few years of his life.

I’ve no idea what’s fair. It’s one reason I’ve made a mental note ofnot to remarry if DH dies- too complicated.

The most important thing to remember is that a marriage immediately invalidates an existing will, unless that will was made in anticipation of marriage. This requires expert advice.
So if you get married, remember to immediately make a new will, unless you want to automatically disinherit everyone but your new spouse.

Lots of things are different in France, which changes the context. For example, it’s easier to keep hold of the ‘family home’ - it’s possible for older people to sell their home, for a nominal sum, to a relative and to continue to live there, and this is not considered deprivation of assets. Relying on property as an investment isn’t quite as acute here as in the UK - salaries are higher (though so are taxes), renting is common and social welfare / healthcare / childcare provision is lot more generous. Also, children are legally obliged to contribute to the care of elderly parents, including financially, which is the flip side of not being able to disinherit children.

I’d expect him to split the vast vast majority of wealth amongst children leaving enough for most recent wife to live on.

We’ve had a lot of discussions about this. I’m second wife he has 2 kids, grown up now.

We jointly own a house, but he put the, large, deposit down, jointly pay mortgage. He’s got insurance, savings etc.

we’ve thought about having the house in trust for the kids if he dies first, so I don’t lose my home, and the kids inheriting everything pretty much apart from the house on his death. But I didn’t want to have the feeling they would be waiting for me to die….

So we’ve come up with a solution where I buy them out of their share in the house if he dies first, it’s in the will all laid out.

I have savings and a house I rent out so it works. I also have nieces and nephews who will inherit from me.

in reality I’m likely to go first barring accidents!

To answer the question, I don’t expect it all to go to me, he has no idea whether I’d then pass anything on to his kids or end up marrying someone else…

he has to protect that for his kids. In reality I’d be fair and he trusts that, but this way everyone on same page.

In Islam, a man's inheritance is divided among his multiple wives based on their individual shares outlined in the Quran, taking into consideration any children they may have together.

I was just about to post the exact t same thing. I think many people are unaware of this.

@theduchessofspork I think people do need to recognise that getting married is a contract designed around the sharing of assets. You’re right: if people don’t want the new spouse to benefit from marital assets, they shouldn’t get married. It’s not compulsory.

I do think that, especially where we are talking about fathers, in stepfamily situations so many people are desperate to frame everything as ‘what do the kids from the previous relationship get’. The logic becomes really transactional and particularly focused around money.

This then translates to inheritance and people are horrified that the second wife actually owns the house she lives in and doesn’t just sell up and shuffle off to give adult stepchildren the money.

Ok, so that’s potentially a terrible set up. I think what you’re saying is they own their home as tenants in common and each has willed their half to their dc with no lifetime interest to the other. critically could your mum buy herself another home with the proceeds of her half? If not she really needs to take advice.

I cannot understand why anybody would not leave all of their assets to their children but perhaps with a clause that 2nd wife can stay in the home until death.

Being widowed is a huge, huge thing and although having a roof over your head is obviously a great help, it does nothing to alleviate the difficulty of managing on one income when you're used to two. It's more expensive to live as a single person in all sorts of ways.

Without your spouse's assets you may not feel able to stay in your home. You may be forced to move somewhere smaller while you're still not emotionally ready to make a big decision like that and when you do, you may have to give significant sums to the children, which may not be life changing for them but may put your own future at risk. You also realise that now there's just you to do everything, anything you can't do has to be bought in, so you need a bigger security net than before.

My late DH would have loved to have been able to keep me secure for the rest of my life and give life altering amounts to each of his children, but that was never an option. He valued my future security above everything and he trusted me to ensure that his children get a fair share of whatever may be left when I die.

There is a vanishingly small chance that I will remarry but if I do, I'll reconsider the right thing to do at that point. For now though, I'm staying in my home. I'm paying attention to what I'm spending based on my possible future needs, maintaing the house in good order, and not being over extravagant or taking a huge hit to my lifestyle.

I hope that goes some way to explaining a different perspective.

Personally, I will not be upset if my parents leave me very little. I’d rather they made use of their money to enjoy their retirement.

They are reluctant to downsize though because it means a smaller house.

I think you've misunderstood. As I read it they own one house each, as sole owners, and each have left their own house to their own children. That's my DF and DSM's situation.

My mother and stedad never married they lived together for 36 years. When Mum.died suddenly the law where they lived meant us 3 children could not permit stepdad to live in their joint home with us owniny half. So he had to buy us out.

During that proceed I asked. What will happen when you die? He has 2 a sister with 2 children and a 2nd sister whom died many years ago and her daughter has cut all contact. While I was fine with his sister with 3 children. Inheriting it sat wrong with me that a girl who had no connection would. Stepdad said nope I'm making a will.

He has leaving his entire estate to us 3 stepchildren.

So it's not always a the children gets stuffed over.

I do however badly wish mum and Stepdad had made wills before her death.

We won't inherit form biological dad. His money has gone on care fees. Not concerned about this he is a lovely man and I am happy his last years are comfortable.