If you are a second wife, do you expect to inherit everything from your husband?

[rickyrickygrimes]

… or do you expect him to leave something to his children from a previous marriage?

This subject comes up often on here: man is widowed, inherits everything from his wife, remarries, then dies - leaving everything to his second wife and his children inherit nothing.

this happened quite recently to a friend of mine, which not only did not inherit but also lost his livelihood as he was employed in his fathers business, which his second wife chose to sell as she wasn’t interested in running it.

I’m in France where (as I understand it) children cannot be completely disinherited from a will i.e. part of the estate is always reserved for children and the spouse does not inherit everything. This leads to some very complicated situations but does mean that all children will inherit something from their parents, no matter what the relationship between the parents / children is like.

we often hear from the children on here but not often the pov of the second wife. So I’m interested to know what you think? Do you expect to inherit everything from your husband (which is pretty standard between married couples in the UK)? Or would you expect his children from previous relationships to be included / recognised in his will - especially if he has previously inherited from their mother?

DH and I (second marriage, two children each from the previous marriage) have crafted wills to ensure that our children inherit a quarter each of our joint and combined assets. It isn't hard.

I thought half goes to the oldest male relative. The other half is divided between wife and children?

I am a second wife. DH has one DC from previous relationship and we have 2 DC together. (Although DH was never married to the mother of his first DC- they had DC when very young.)

It's a difficult one for me because
a) all our assets are actually what we both worked for together.

b) SC now in their 20's is slightly estranged- there is some contact via social media but every invitation to visit is declined - SC lives 300 miles away, so we are looking at a weekend trip on either side.

Having said that, once I am dead I don't care who gets what.
But if DH goes first, I inherit everything and vice versa.
Last one surviving has a will to split everything 3 equal ways that is ours.
(There is some land & property on my family side that will go to my DC as SDC obviously has no connections to my family.)

I would resent it if SDC would inherit their 1/4 fron DH and potentially taking essential savings or forcing me to sell assets that I still need in order to live.

We are going to be in this position, everything going to a second wife.

We are in Scotland so will be interesting to see if he leaves us the 1/3 of liquid assets.

We won’t fight for it if he doesn’t. His money, his choice but a shame that we would not get the inheritance that you would have liked to think our mother would have wanted us to have.

I guess it just goes to show you can’t trust anyone to follow your wishes when you are not here and the only way to make sure your children inherit if that’s what you want is to write it into your own will.

I actually don’t care that she gets the money, she’s a lovely woman and has been good for my dad. It does grate on me though that my mother’s assets will end up with her children eventually.

Not a second wife but setting things up to protect DC from them.

Clause that DH can stay in the home until death unless he moves someone else in - in which case he sells and the (bigger) proportion that was mine goes directly to my DC.

All assets other than joint account and life insurance to go to DC directly.

Had the experience where everything went directly to my father - the amount of gold diggers and predatory women (often with problematic backgrounds and their own children they want provided for is unreal). Also it gives the DH an obscene amount of power over the whole family so I am absolutely not having that for my own children.

From what I’ve seen if the father goes first, the mother will generally behave normally and responsibly. If the mother goes first, the father reverts to being a teenager in a candy shop and is highly irresponsible and prone to being manipulated by whatever woman comes along.

Can't the will specify half share of property money left to second spouse for he lifetime but upon his/ her death defaults to the kids?

Second wife here. I have two DC, he has one. Our wills provide that his DC gets his money and my DC get mine. The house is still in his name, which is not a problem to me as it is a marital asset either way. If he dies first, as is likely, I get a life interest. When the last of us dies the house is to be sold and the proceeds divided 50% to his DC and 50% in equal shares to mine.

However, the XW told his DC a long time ago that marrying me would mean she would be disinherited, where in fact we have tried very hard to be fair to everyone. All DC can reasonably expect to inherit from their other parent in any event.

My Dad and his partner are both in their early 70s. They are in a very committed relationship but keep all finances including property very seperate.

One day, I had a very frank conversation with my adult step sister about this, and we are both very happy with this. It allows us and our kids to have a lovely relationship without any rivalry or tension.

I'm the first wife but second significant relationship. If my husband dies I inherit everything, if I die he inherits everything but with the expectation that we financially, emotionally and practically support the children (1 mine, 2 his, 1 ours). When we both die our estate will be equally split 4 ways.

The children we are responsible for will not be disinherited. His ex is quite volatile and I think if he died first his children probably would not be allowed to see me, but I will still honour the above.

Without going into details, my late DH could be described as a cocklodger. My assets will go to my DC. I have no intentions of leaving anything to my 4 SC. I ha

My late DH could be called a cocklodger. He had nothing and I had a house and later an inheritance. My stepchildren cut me off after my DH died.
All I have will go to my DC. I have no intention of leaving anything to my SC. If my DH hadn't married me, he would not have had any assets to leave. They took all personal mementoes immediately after the funeral.

@Drapion if I die he inherits everything but with the expectation that we financially, emotionally and practically support the children (1 mine, 2 his, 1 ours). When we both die our estate will be equally split 4 ways.

have you done anything to ensure this happens, or at you just trusting your husband to honour this? What if he remarries ?

And this is reasonable. But it’s the scenarios where people are happy to inherit their late DP’s wealth, but not the obligation to pass it on to his children when they themselves die

Always a thorny subject. 🫤

My friend is the first wife & has 2 adult kids with her DH. He owned the house before their marriage & has never added her name to the deeds, even though they've been married for 30 yrs.
Obviously, if they divorced she'd probably get a share, although she's never contributed because he wouldn't add her name, so she said why should she pay towards it?

Anyway, she's made a will leaving her assets (cash & a share in her deceased sibling's house) to her DC & nothing to her DH.
Her DH won't even discuss whether he's made a will... 🤨 If he has (& I suspect he will have done, as otherwise she'd inherit under intestacy laws), then he'll leave it to his DC I'm fairly certain.

This is interesting and something I've been thinking about recently.
My DF died a few years ago and me, DB and SB/SS were to have the house split when my SM died. SM sold the house soon after and has now remarried. We are on ok terms but I've not met her new DH but he has no DC.
I imagine when SM dies we will be left with nothing and it will all go either to her new DH if he out lives her or her children and grandchildren. It's likely to be a sizeable amount. I was NC with my DF for about 3 years and we were far from close. I imagine she will lean on that to justify that I/we get nothing. I'm not sure I can get worked up about it. I think we should but there is nothing I can do about it.
I've made sure this isn't the case for my DC with a trust. I don't think many people realise that it works this way.

Yes and its very common. A life interest for surviving spouse. This means they can benefit from the subject matter - ie live in property or have the interest from investments, but no automatic right to spend the capital. Trustees need to be chosen carefully and could include surviving spouse and adult children.

The half share would need to be owned outright before death because jointly-owned assets pass to the survivor. A property interest can be severed by writing a letter confirming this fact. A bank account or investments can be severed by making a declaration of beneficial ownership over it. See a solicitor as these things are straightforward and not expensive to put in place. There is no need for the other spouse to agree - just do it.

Yes, of course.
It's me, not the first wife, or even the adult children, who are giving my husband their time, energy and chunk of their life.
The Will has been rightly in place for a decade.
🖖

I’ve been thinking about this this morning since I posted.
Being widowed is horrendous enough without feeling as though you have to divvy up your life. I’m still alive! Living on one income instead of two has already impacted on lifestyle hugely.
I am incredibly grateful my step children haven’t viewed me as being in their fathers home / using his money. It was our home and our money and when I die it is secured for them.
When my MIL sadly died, DH & his brother weren’t asking FIL what would happen to MILS money, it was a given that it was his. I don’t view my situation any differently. When FIL dies the portion that would have come to DH bypasses me (rightly so) and instead is shared between our children equally.
I guess it’s about the relationships that have been built over the years - one of my step children has asked if I’ll be okay financially as he would like to share his GF’s inheritance with me when it arrives. I don’t need it and wouldn’t take it even if I did. Reading some of the replies on here makes me realise how lucky we are to have the relationship we do.

Our wills are set up so his share of house is split equally between all his children and mine is split equally with mine. But the surviving spouse has a lifetime right to live in property. So children don't inherit till both of use die if that makes sense.

We have a life insurance policy that goes to spouse on deaf and each have a separate policy to go to children on death.of parent

his children from previous relationships

Otherwise known as ‘his children’

In what way do you think it's different if the first wife died or divorced?

I'm a second wife.. Dh and I have 5 adult children between us. He's a high earner whilst I only bought a small amount into the marriage when the kids were young.

We have mirror wills leaving everything to eachother but should he go before me, he has life insurance paying half a million to each of the 5 (mine included). He also collects valuable items to give them while he's still alive. I own half the shares in his company but that's probably irrelevant as he'll sell out.

He certainly wouldn't expect me to lose my home if he wasn't here. He loves his children but I'm his wife and he loves me too. What if I needed some of the equity to fund my care?

Yes he has to trust me (as I do him) but he hopes to set up the kids financially anyway before he dies.

If he dies first, yes I expect to inherit everything because "everything" is the house I live in. We built everything we have together. He came into this with absolutely nothing, so I'm not taking anything that isn't directly mine anyway. However, when I die, his child will get an inheritance as will our joint child.

In my wider family there is a situation like this (names fictional):

Alice and Brian had a long and happy marriage with three children. They both contributed to their finances.

Alice sadly died in her 50s. After a few years, when the children were mostly grown up/teens, Brian met and married Claire who also had adult/teen children.

Claire brought no assets into the marriage and has a very low income.

Brian died recently and Claire has inherited everything. She plans to sell what was Alice and Brian's family home and downsize. She inherited Brian's pension to live on. She plans to divide the money between all of the adults children evenly - hers and Brian's.

She sees this as fair but her contribution to this inheritance was minimal, her children were largely grown and independent so didn't really have a close relationship with Brian, and her children will also inherit from their fathers.

To me it seems hideously unfair but I think her adult stepchildren are too afraid that she will cut them out completely if they say anything

The trouble with mirror wills is that there is nothing to stop the surviving party updating their will with totally different bequests.

DH and I met in our 40s. We each have one child. Our estate passes to each other with the expectation that the survivor would split it 50/50 between the children, who are both adults.

expectation

this is the word that keeps appearing. It seems many people are expecting their partner to stick to a verbal agreement, and not putting anything in place to prevent them - as you say @useitorlose - completely changing their wills if they remarry at some point in the future.