If you are a second wife, do you expect to inherit everything from your husband?

[rickyrickygrimes]

… or do you expect him to leave something to his children from a previous marriage?

This subject comes up often on here: man is widowed, inherits everything from his wife, remarries, then dies - leaving everything to his second wife and his children inherit nothing.

this happened quite recently to a friend of mine, which not only did not inherit but also lost his livelihood as he was employed in his fathers business, which his second wife chose to sell as she wasn’t interested in running it.

I’m in France where (as I understand it) children cannot be completely disinherited from a will i.e. part of the estate is always reserved for children and the spouse does not inherit everything. This leads to some very complicated situations but does mean that all children will inherit something from their parents, no matter what the relationship between the parents / children is like.

we often hear from the children on here but not often the pov of the second wife. So I’m interested to know what you think? Do you expect to inherit everything from your husband (which is pretty standard between married couples in the UK)? Or would you expect his children from previous relationships to be included / recognised in his will - especially if he has previously inherited from their mother?

But that leaves the second wife nothing to live on. It is different from first wife. I’m second wife, been with husband since his eldest child was 11, married longer than his first marriage, joint assets and savings.

he wants to make sure his kids are provided for and so am I.

One of our neighbours divorced his wife of 25 years, 2 kids in the 20s and married someone much younger.

he died a year after they married, he’d left everything to second wife. They were devestated .

This sounds like what I mean. Thank you.

@Chrisaldridge

im the same position. I feel like the ex-child. Half sis is in the 30’s and acts like an only child and dependent. She has 4 half siblings.

df made it clear to me years ago I wouldn’t inherit as he became an older father and was clearly worried about leaving a dependent. She’s 30 now. I doubt step mum’s kids from her first marriage will inherit either.

tgis puts me off remarrying as I have so little to give my ds that I want to ringfence it for him.

Very much SIL’s suspicion. The whole situation was dodgy as hell. She’s just glad she saved the cat.

Yes. But his first marriage was over 30 years ago and short lived (same for me) and crucially neither of us have children

When my father died, my brother and I inherited nothing; it all went to his second wife, and we were quite happy with the arrangement. Their primary asset was their home, so it seemed only fair for her to carry on living there and having security. They had no children, so we just happily assumed our turn would come after second wife died. Eventually that happened, and we found she had split her estate between my brother, myself and 8 nieces we hadn't even known existed. That's life! I don't think it's safe to make any assumptions where inheritance is concerned.

It's problematic because for most people their main asset is a house which the partner is still living in. But I do think it's unfair on children because the second wife/husband can then do whatever they want with the asset including excluding their former partner's kids. I guess they way round it is to make a will whereby the partner gets to stay in the house until death and then it's split with the kids. But what if the partner lives on for 20 or more years and may want or need to move house etc.

My dh got nothing when his mum died 20 years ago although he's the only child. Everything went to her second husband. We tried for years to keep a relationship with him but ultimately gave up as he didn't want it. I can't imagine he'll be leaving anything to dh in his will as he has his own kids and grandkids from his first marriage. 😢 Seems so unfair given DH had the trauma of losing his mum at a young age.

The shame is that no one talks about all this stuff, about what you want to happen, making a will etc.

I have. I've talked to my mum about her will, what she wants, her funeral, tried to cover everything.

My late husband, I was his second wife, left everything to me, we'd both shared equally our finances all our married life. Wills are very private. I haven't discussed mine with my kids and step kids. Why should I? It's all irrelevant as there may be nothing left if I have to go into a care home.

We are in the same situation, except my children are older, not yet adults, but not far off. We currently own our home so that upon death it goes to the other. I want to change it so we can leave our 50% to the children with a life time interest to live in it to the other. It also helps protect against care home fees.

I know tv isn’t real, but even as an older teen I remember two Hollyoaks characters passing. He had four kids, she had two and they had one together. He felt all the children should be treated equally so left his 50% between all children. She didn’t so left her 50% only between her 3. I remember thinking how unfair that was and they should have soaked about it.

I won’t ever remarry if something were to happen to my husband or our marriage got this reason.

Yes I did as it was my mother’s wishes. It did make me feel sad but don’t have a right to be given anything. I have never even brought this up before I posted on the thread. Step father and step sibling have never mentioned it either.

Second wife here, no children and DH has one. We have a will in place, if he dies first, everything comes to me and visa versa. Whoever dies last, half of our estate goes to his child. Other half goes to whom I've nominated. So, eventually his child will inherit. Admittedly, either one of us could change the will once the other has passed away but in the will we've made it clear that we are respectful of each other's wishes.

I am a second wife. Married for 55 years. First wife has never worked. Supported by DH and me for 21 years and her house paid for by us. We have one child each from our first marriages and three together. We went through agonies about our wills. In the end decided to split everything equally between all five children. It does mean that dear stepdaughter will inherit her mother’s house, paid for by us, as well as one fifth of our estate, but in the end that seems better than leaving behind a toxic legacy of unfairness. It’s tricky.

I'm married to my children's dad, and I've still made sure there is a decent portion of my assets that will pass directly to our children should something happen to me.

I'm just not prepared to risk them being disinherited by a potential second wife, or possibly made to wait decades after their parents die to inherit from a potential step parent.

There are far too many stories of the first children ending up with nothing after a step parent changes their will. I'm not having anything I've worked for potentially going to a random, theoretical third party.

Presumably your husband supported first wife while she brought up his child. He contributed financially (which is his responsibility as someone who chose to have a child and which he would have done anyway if he’d stayed with his young family) but she took on all the work of actual child rearing.

You’ve spoken about her as though she’s just some random hanger on.

Because his daughter has already received all her dad’s stuff including a healthy bank balance

Because his daughter has already had his stuff including a healthy bank roll

No but you’ve said he’s specifically only given her money / possessions which pre-dated meeting you. Why?

Presumably your husband supported first wife while she brought up his child. He contributed financially (which is his responsibility as someone who chose to have a child and which he would have done anyway if he’d stayed with his young family) but she took on all the work of actual child rearing
No Craybourne, he didn’t ‘choose to have a child’. He was 22. Having a child was the last thing on his mind. His first wife was older and got pregnant, deliberately or otherwise. (Contraception was unreliable in the 60s). He supported her, their child and paid for her house. We both did. That daughter lived with us part of the time and was an integral and much loved member of our blended family.
You don’t sound very kind.

I fully expect this to happen to me, my mother remarried & won't make a will so her husband will get everything & then leave it all to nephews etc on his side. My mum would not want that but refuses to make a will

Whether her husband gets everything depends on how much she owns and how any house is owned (joint tenants vs tenants in common). What reason has she given for not wanting to make a will?

2nd wife here, husband passed away left his half of everything we have to me, his grown up child saw a solicitor who advised him to give up as it was stated in his will.
I understand he is angry, but the reason everything was left to me was he had not heard from his adult son in 9 years although my husband had tried on lots of occasions to make contact. (I did not have anything to do with his previous marriage break up i met him 11 years later)
What he does not know is when i go he will still not inherit anything (at my husbands request) but i have left a 1/3rd to his children so they dont miss out.
I believe in Scotland France and other parts of Europe this is different a child will always inherit a part of passed spouse, personally i think this is wrong you should be allowed to leave your own money where and to whom you want.

It’s Trust that’s the issue. You trust your DH. You die and your DH trusts his second wife to look after his DC in her will. DH then dies and second wife leaves her assets to her DC/nieces and nephews, and all sorts of reasons why she may choose to do that (or she doesn’t make a choice but doesn’t write a will).

And it does happen, as the many examples on this thread show, I can think of 2 in my wider family plus at least one friend.

It’s not a generational thing either, happened to my FIL in the 1960s, it still upset him still years later. There’s probably a Jane Austen novel on it somewhere.

Because I have bought everything since! Enough said.