Bright child who doesn't quite deliver

[Strombolilara]

DD (almost 6.5 yo) in Y1 is very capable academically, particularly strong in maths. Over the last couple of months she's gone from Y1 stuff to Y3, constantly asking me at home to 'do maths' and loves it. She can for instance mentally add 3 digit numbers with regrouping, do quarters of 3 digit numbers, almost fluent with times tables, fractions etc. She learns very quickly and takes it to the next level.

However, at school, despite them working on a much lower level she doesn't quite deliver. She's one of the slowest in the class, almost never finishes her work and therefore she's not even in the top group for maths, although she says it's all quite easy. Yesterday they were given a little exercise where they had to add missing numbers in a square box of 1 to 100 and she was one of the last ones to put her work down and she hasn't even finished. She seemed upset about it enough to tell us. This is not the first time it happens.

I do suspect some SEN but no one listens to us. Her teacher reported last term that she zones out quite a bit and is a bit slow and that there are things to keep an eye on but nothing too worrying. I've been thinking about ASD or inattentive ADHD.

I can see her confidence slipping a bit and I just don't know how to support her. How can I child who is so capable not deliver? I was a straight A student (in a different country) although I don't think I was as smart as her, definitely wasn't doing 3 digit number additions in my head at the age of 6. In fact I only started school at 6.5 yo.

She is perfect in her behaviour at school, very polite and kind, great listening, but very defiant and a bit hyper at home.

(I did speak to an NHS pediatrician about it, but they've totally dismissed my concerns as there are no obvious signs of struggle).

Can anyone relate to this?

How is her writing?

I underperformed at school - drastically for the first few years when I just didn't get what we were doing or why. Later I was always slow to organise and complete my work, until we started using IT.

Writing and completing work is a skill in itself. I would just want to be sure teachers knew what she was doing.

My son is similar (same age) in that he is easily distracted at school. He doesn’t sound as bright as your child but he is very capable, he is quite inconsistent in the level of work he produces at school. I have also worried about ADD but have asked teachers and they are not concerned at all. They think he almost needs to mature in his approach to his learning which they are confident will happen given time. I hope that helps.

We had a similar issue with DGS and reading at home. At home he was reading his books with no issue but at school he was very unsure. Eventually, after lots of talk, we found out that he was scared of making mistakes at school but not at home. Once we knew the reason it took work between his family and the school.

Usually, I roll my eyes at parents who are stressing at this age about their child's academic performance, but in this case, I can see why you are concerned.

On the plus side, she IS getting the learning she needs so that is good. It means she isn't losing out on the basics (DS has, as it turns out, inattentive ADHD and quite frankly, he pretty much missed most of KS1 and KS2 maths.... we are struggling to catch up now). So you do have some time and flexibility to manage this.

I assume that at home it's quiet and she's not distracted. Can you at least ask the school what options they have for children who struggle to focus? eg, moving seat, working in small groups etc? Even if they did it as a temporary experimental measure to assess the difference. Can DD explain to you at all why she finds it harder to do things in the classroom? Would some kind of sensory tool help her? Eg at our school there are options like those triangle pillow seat things to help them sit differently and stay focused, some children are allowed to bring in (quiet) fidget toys, some wear ear defenders when doing their work etc.

The reality is that at this age, unless the problems are severe and massively impacting her learning and social development, you're going to struggle with a diagnosis, even privately.

This sounds familiar. Sometimes you need to learn how to learn... I don't know if I can explain it clearly, but there are methods of teaching and methods of learning, and sometimes the two don't work so well together. It may be just a communication issue between teacher and child or it may be a curriculum issue or an environmental issue. Try exploring concepts of workflow and organisation with your child, appropriately scaled to their age, and maybe try and work out how the teaching style in class differs to what you're doing at home and see how you can adapt. Make sure they understand why they're at school and how it's supposed to work. Go over the idea of projects, assignments, homework, class participation. It may all sound very obvious but that's not always the case, particularly if there may be some SEN lurking.

Her writing is good, she's not particularly advanced with reading and writing but on the same level with most peers.

I've got a meeting with her teacher next week so hopefully I'll get some answers.

Everyone told us there was no way DS had ADHD. Even the original NHS consultant we saw was vague and wishy washy. As he got older, the signs got much more clear, much more specific and he diagnosed with inattentive ADHD (he meets 8 of the 9 criteria for inattentive ADHD, so not exactly a minor case).

I think inattentive ADHD is harder for schools to recognise and/or signpost. Or perhaps it's because lots of children behave that way at that age, but then grow out of it. I don't know.

OP - they tend not to want to do any formal assessments until a child is at least 7. Can she tell you why she finds it harder at school? Is it nerves? Distraction? The colour of the paper frankly? Could be anything and I'd say understanding that would be a good first step to sorting it out.

It sounds like she could be bored or easily distracted.

But also how is her eyesight? At home, it's possible that you are doing some of the reading for her, so she is doing things more in her head than needing to rely on sight. One of my dc was a bit older than that (maybe Y2/3) and was struggling to stay focused on school work and was very slow with it. She eventually started to complain about headaches, so I took her to get her eyes checked (the school check in reception/Y1 whenever they do it said her eyesight was fine)...and turns out she was very longsighted. She just couldn't see! Glasses made a massive difference.

Thank you for your advice. I'll look into asking the teacher to perhaps make some adjustments for her in the classroom. There is definitely a problem with focus at school. She is however in a private school with only 15 girls in the class so we thought that should have made a big difference already.

Oh, I didn't even think of that! I do read the instructions to her at home sometimes, not always, so that's a good point! I'll definitely arrange a eye check.

That was the case with my 9 year old. School (also small private one) could not see any issues, just marked her down as one of the struggling ones, when we could see she was really bright, but was struggling to show this in class.
After a long and convoluted journey-dyslexia diagnosis/visual optometry, she has now been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and ASD. Her medication has made a huge difference and now school can see what we saw

She was also perfectly behaved at school but quite challenging at home.
We had to get her assessed privately, as she was achieving at the right level for a 9 yer old, just not the level we knew she could achieve at.

And more importantly she was so tired when she got back from school she would be in bed by half 6/7. She would sometimes fall asleep over her dinner
She now can stay up and enjoy her evenings after school, and also her weekends, as I no longer spend half the weekend battling to get her to do the 20 minutes of homework

She also has less nightmares (used to have lots)
So her quality of life has massively improved, not just her focus in class.

@stuckhelp so happy to hear your DD is thriving after her diagnosis!

The not knowing what it is and what to do to help her is killing me. I'm concerned about her confidence as I can see underachieving is getting her down a bit.

Sounds very like my son, who was easily distracted(one of the youngest in class) but also bored with the work he was given. He just didn’t really try,it wasn’t until we had parents night and we were speaking to class teacher and also depute head who suggested moving him up a class to do maths and this is when he excelled, he’s actually graduated university last year and it’s a maths based course he got his degree in, numbers have always been his thing.

he went to a smaller primary school who regularly moved pupils for maths and english to other class to work at the level they were at , so for example all classes did numeracy at 10.30-11.30 and all English 1.30-2.30 so it was easy to move pupils rather than teachers trying to teach different levels throughout the class.

It is so hard, isn't it. I have been battling for her for 3 years now, and it has taken all this time for me (and I mean me, school did not pick up on any of this) to figure out what was going on. I drove all the referrals.
I feel like I floundered around, knowing something was not right but not sure what, or how to help.

Yes! DD now 15 was very similar. They can work at home because you're there to keep them on track, there aren't as many distractions and there is more choice as to timing of the work and the sensory issues around it (lighting, temperature, what clothes they're wearing, having music or quiet etc...)
The other very common issues are: empty school books: mine could do a half hour English lesson and have written 1 5-word sentence; toileting stuff, either going to the loo all the time in lessons (it's a 'well-behaved' way of walking about) or actually having accidents (because of not being able to tell you need the loo and only using toilet trips as an excuse to stand up and wander about!); sleeping issues - not playing up necessarily but just wandering about the house and playing at all hours! Also, though a bit rarer: obsessions: so now it's maths, but in a few months it could be chess, or writing stories or trampolining...

Sorry to say but your comment around completely perfect at school reveals the issue is with you. Classic case of parents main interest being in what the child supplies or 'delivers' for them. You've probably rote learned lots of maths facts which have little to do with actual understanding. Learning is a complex scientific process and regurgitating or applying simple facts is not the same as applying skills and strategies. Stop trying to push your dc ahead all the time and spend time boosting their higher order thinking skills and problem solving strategies. Remove the pressure before you cause your child to become anxious and disinterested. Find a fun hobby you can get them into, back off and hope your dc builds confidence and social skills. Pressure causes inattentive issues and anxiety.

@2chocolateoranges Oh bless him! I can understand being a bit bored with work that's below your level. Glad to hear she's done so well.

DD says the maths at school is 'ridiculous', but I thought she should really deliver it very quickly if it's that's the case. She never really excelled in the class at maths, so the teachers don't know how good she is.

...I meant he's done so well

I'm a KS1 teacher. I think it's a good idea to have a meeting. How are her fine motor skills? Could be she struggles putting her work on paper even though she is capable. Ask teacher how she seems in whole class sessions, can she answer verbally etc

At this age it can be hard to tell if there are any additional needs as there are so many varying stages of development. I taught kids I've suspected may have ADHD and then they have really improved as they've got older, and others who have continued to struggle so definitely worth keeping an eye on.

She could be bored or distracted by friends. Have you asked her? At this age they will not concentrate for long periods. I asked mine why they didn't complete things and sometimes they said busy thinking, bored, tired or another kid annoying them.

I totally disagree with your unhelpful comment. I NEVER ever push her! She comes home and asks me to teach her 'advanced' maths. This started around Nov last year and ever since then every single night she wants to do maths in the evenings, every single day! I sometimes tell her we need to stop and she tells me 'please mummy, 3 more questions'. It's something she really enjoys a d I don't want to stop her really, there are worse things to be passionate about.

Being able to do things in your head but not get them down on paper can also be a sign of dyslexia.

Well go back and teach her strategies around the topics and concepts she clearly hasn't embedded. Do you honestly think a child that age knows what 'advanced maths' is? Honestly, you'll help her aquire real, deeper learning by teaching skills and strategies. Give her the positive feedback that way instead of simple ticks etc on a page. Use resources the school uses and start the process of higher order thinking and strategy acquisition. If children see parents delight and positive regard all relating to one thing they deliver they will seek it out time and time again.

Thank you, that's very helpful. Her fine motor skills are ok as far as I'm aware. I think sometimes she gets lost among the noisy girls in the class (teacher admitted back in Dec that the classroom is a little noisy as a lot of girls are still learning to put their hands up before answering) so not sure how much chance she gets to answer verbally.

I've got a meeting with her teacher next week so hopefully will get some answers.

Oh is it?? Her dad is dyslexic as well as most of his side of the family. So that played up on my mind a bit but she's not struggled learning to read or write. She's progressing nicely.