Do I pull DC from school party to attend family members now booked on same day

[HereWeGoAroundAgain]

Just curious as not been in this position before. One of my DC has been invited to their first school party and is super excited. It's now been announced a toddler cousin is having a party the same day. What's the right thing to do..

Surely it's rude to break a commitment you've already made for the sake of another party? A school age child isn't likely to get much from a toddler party anyway.

Who's to say kids will be close to their cousins anyway? Mine aren't close to theirs; I wasn't to mine. DH spent a lot of time with his as a child and now they're barely in touch.
For my kids their friends are way more important.

'Sorry pre-booked friends party on same day'

Mu DDs have never been to any of their cousins birthday parties. DD1 and DN1 are quite close... but DD1 was too young for DNs parties being 3 years younger. DN1 did attend one for DD1vand DD2. DN2 and DN3 its due to distance and age gap.

Toddler birthday parties are for the adults. School parties are for the kids.

If you've already accepted, then you go to the school party. Tell the cousin, you're sorry but already have a party that day.

If there are two parents, one parent takes DC to the school party and the other parent attends the family party.

If you have any good friends amongst your DC's classmates parents, you could ask them to take your DC for you.

Personally if I were the toddler's parents and just having a small party at home, I'd move it so you could attend both.

Never been to a single cousin's party ever, on either side of my family. Cousins are not necessarily lifelong friends as someone phrased it. The bonds built with school friends could just as easily be lifelong, after all you spend a lot of time with school friends.

For an excited 4/5 year old going to a first school party to be told sorry, got to go and have tea with a toddler and none of your mates and miss out on the fun would be unkind. Even if phrased more diplomatically.

Oh, neither have I! I wouldn’t know my cousins if I passed them in the street. But my dc are close to theirs. So you’re right, it does depend.

Also my dc wouldn’t have cared about the class party. If they’d be disappointed, I might have made a difference choice. Mine would want to attend their toddler cousin’s.

Manners, just basic good manners. You have accepted party No 1, your child is aware of this.. end of.

besides a school friend party will be much more fun for your child than a toddlers party.

If your child would prefer the school party, I'd say let them go. Toddler won't care who's there and who's not and if family get the hump, that's up to them!

School party

id say school party too but totally understand family not being happy too, with young kids you generally only have family there and the less people there the more empty it seems (but soft play would definitely make up for it with the child!!)

Thank you all, I'm going to stick with my plan and let DC go their school friends party. Its possible my youngest will be expected to still go to the cousins (they are 18months old) so I will have to weigh that up as the two parties will be an hour min drive apart so we'd need to split up into two cars 😑 I had intended to take my other children to an activity down the street whilst the party was on. Really rotten luck tbh!

Sounds like the perfect solution to me! Older DC gets to enjoy the party with classmates that she is excited about, younger DC plays with toddler cousin who is close to her in age, and you get a couple of hours to yourself to enjoy a quiet coffee! Result!

Its possible my youngest will be expected to still go to the cousins

’will be expected to’?!

You are in charge of your own family-make decisions that work for you.

You're the parent so it doesn't matter if your other child is 'expected' to go. You do what's right for your family.

Either one parent takes other children to the cousin party or do another activity. Do what's right for you. You can choose.

Yeah unfortunately the person I'm talking about here isnt always the easiest if they don't get their own way really. I'm alot more laid back about things so it would never bother me. I just like to keep the peace wherever possible

You're right of course 😊 think I needed a sounding board to check I wasn't being unreasonable!

But you cannot cancel something your child would love because of a difficult adult. That adult needs to grow up and people pandering to them to keep the peace will only make them worse. Easier said than done of course but kids are sometimes great excuses for these sort of things!

Surely you know what to do? Common courtesy is you don't back out of something because you got a seemingly better offer.

I agree with those saying that the related parent goes to the toddler party and the in law partner takes the child to the school party

As your children get older they might take on things like football/rugby/dance at weekends which affect what they do. It's normal then to go in different directions in two cars. It's a great opportunity to show your pushy family members that you will prioritise your children over what they personally want/expect.

I think I agree that I would go to the party I had committed to

doesn’t that kind of depend on dynamics
of the family?!

I was much closer to my SIL than my husband ever was!

that sounds a bit… pathetic OP