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Original poster

Do I pull DC from school party to attend family members now booked on same day

116 replies

HereWeGoAroundAgain · 20/02/2024 08:31

Just curious as not been in this position before. One of my DC has been invited to their first school party and is super excited. It's now been announced a toddler cousin is having a party the same day. What's the right thing to do..

OP posts:
wontforget · 20/02/2024 08:50

housingplanningquestion · 20/02/2024 08:41

So surprised to hear these responses! I'd prioritise the family party. Are you not keen on going to the family party?

I bet you are (or will be) a tricky MIL!

viques · 20/02/2024 08:50

reasons to go to the school party:

you have already accepted the invitation

your child is excited about it

there will be school chat about it which they will hear and realise they have missed out on

the toddler won’t realise or care that your child is not at their party, whereas the parents of the school party child, and other parents, will notice and will make a mental note.

there will be lots of future opportunities for the relative and your child to socialise and get to know each other, a toddler party isn’t really the best place for such a relationship to develop.

Kinneddar · 20/02/2024 08:51

housingplanningquestion · 20/02/2024 08:41

So surprised to hear these responses! I'd prioritise the family party. Are you not keen on going to the family party?

Really? The family party is for a toddler - probably not a lot of fun for the OPs child since shes past the toddler stage. but that aside they've already accepted another invite, the host may have already paid for it. But most importantly is her child's very first school party, she's already excited about it & could potentially be the only one who goes to school on the day after it who didn't go.

I'm amazed anyone would prioritise a toddler party.

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Doltontweedle · 20/02/2024 08:51

housingplanningquestion · 20/02/2024 08:41

So surprised to hear these responses! I'd prioritise the family party. Are you not keen on going to the family party?

She probably wants to go to both. But her child is over the moon at being invited to their first school party, and now’s the time to start building up their little friendships they’re going to have. Much more exciting than a baby cousins party. Plus they’ve already accepted, and it’s rude to let people down over a ‘better’ offer. Family should understand

pizzaHeart · 20/02/2024 08:53

you have a commitment already which you can’t move to another date so yes, go to the school party.
Next time I would check with family members who have birthday at the same time and you don’t want to miss it, before accepting the invitation.

YoungCuriousAndLookingForAnswers · 20/02/2024 08:55

I had something similar with a classmates party and a Christening / birthday party for family member. We'd long accepted the friends party invitation so politely declined the christening (which would have been borning for my young child) and attended the party afterwards. Family member was cross we didn't cancel the friends party to attend both events but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is there any way you could make it to both parties (even if it means arriving late to the family members?).

wontforget · 20/02/2024 08:58

pizzaHeart · 20/02/2024 08:53

you have a commitment already which you can’t move to another date so yes, go to the school party.
Next time I would check with family members who have birthday at the same time and you don’t want to miss it, before accepting the invitation.

only presumably if you’re actually close to family
but given OP reckons family will be pissed off if she doesn’t decline the school party invite… i’m guessing they’re not “close” in a true sense of the word

bumtrumpet · 20/02/2024 09:03

You should prioritise your DC here. He will have way more fun at a party with his friends than at a toddler party - even if they are family. Also, it's important for him to be sharing that social side with his school friends. Presumably, if they're family, you can see them another time

DazedandConfused1234 · 20/02/2024 09:05

School party definitely, for all the reasons people have said.

And the school party will be a couple of hours. A family party is likely to go on much later, maybe even into the evening. Maybe drive up after the school one?

NotFastButFurious · 20/02/2024 09:05

school party, particularly as you've already accepted the invite.

DinnaeFashYersel · 20/02/2024 09:06

School party

WimpoleHat · 20/02/2024 09:09

School party - because you’ve accepted the invitation. If it’s your family, can you go to the family party while her dad takes your DD to her party? That should ease any ruffled feathers a bit?

Sherrystrull · 20/02/2024 09:12

School party. Stick with the one you said yes to first. Plus it would be more fun for DC and I would prioritise birthday parties of friends over pretty much anything else.

WaitingForMojo · 20/02/2024 09:20

I’m also surprised and would prioritise the family party. Cousin relationships are lifelong, school friendships are transient and there’s a school party every weekend at that age. My children wouldn’t want to miss a cousin’s party though? If your dc would prefer the school friend’s party and is excited, that’s tricky.

I would be upset in the family member’s shoes because to me, school birthday parties are unimportant and trivial and it’s a bit like saying ‘we’re washing our hair’ but my dc aren’t bothered about school parties and don’t really enjoy them. If they were bothered, I might feel differently.

However, I like also move the party so that cousins could attend if they had a prior commitment, I would check before booking.

WaitingForMojo · 20/02/2024 09:21

Also, is your dc n only or do you have other dc who would miss their cousin’s birthday? If so, dh goes to one party and you go to the other?

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 20/02/2024 09:22

Go to the school party. There have been many family members that haven't been able to come to my kids party's for other reasons. I wouldn't think anything of it.

mitogoshi · 20/02/2024 09:24

School party. The family party was booked second and was only a courtesy invite

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2024 09:27

WaitingForMojo · 20/02/2024 09:20

I’m also surprised and would prioritise the family party. Cousin relationships are lifelong, school friendships are transient and there’s a school party every weekend at that age. My children wouldn’t want to miss a cousin’s party though? If your dc would prefer the school friend’s party and is excited, that’s tricky.

I would be upset in the family member’s shoes because to me, school birthday parties are unimportant and trivial and it’s a bit like saying ‘we’re washing our hair’ but my dc aren’t bothered about school parties and don’t really enjoy them. If they were bothered, I might feel differently.

However, I like also move the party so that cousins could attend if they had a prior commitment, I would check before booking.

School parties are not unimportant and trivial to small children. Only to some adults.

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2024 09:28

100% school party. The toddler won't know or care and he's more likely to have a lot more fun at the school party. You've also already committed.

MinnieMountain · 20/02/2024 09:33

I thought you were going to say a DGPs 70th or something where there might be a real dilemma.

Definitely school party.

Dorriethelittlewitch · 20/02/2024 09:35

My children wouldn’t want to miss a cousin’s party though? If your dc would prefer the school friend’s party and is excited, that’s tricky.

Depends on the respective parties (and ages) surely. A toddler party at say home versus a school party at an exciting venue with all your friends...no comparison surely. Although having just paid £32 a head for dc1's school party, I wouldn't call it trivial in any sense to be honest.

We'd go with the first accepted invite.

N0Tfunny · 20/02/2024 09:37

viques · 20/02/2024 08:50

reasons to go to the school party:

you have already accepted the invitation

your child is excited about it

there will be school chat about it which they will hear and realise they have missed out on

the toddler won’t realise or care that your child is not at their party, whereas the parents of the school party child, and other parents, will notice and will make a mental note.

there will be lots of future opportunities for the relative and your child to socialise and get to know each other, a toddler party isn’t really the best place for such a relationship to develop.

This.

mindutopia · 20/02/2024 09:38

I would go to the one you have already committed to. If this is your first school party, your dc is quite young. You want to support those friendships as they will be there for the long haul - and ultimately, this will be the party that all their friends will be talking about the next day and they will feel left out if they don't go.

Family party, it doesn't sound like you are close to this cousin if not going would cause this level of angst. As in, someone you are close to would understand that you had a commitment already, if they genuinely cared about you. It sounds like this is all about them and not your dc. I assume this isn't the first time they will have kicked off. So this won't be a friendship you will want to nurture long term - and anyway they'll always be around, unlike school friendships, which can take a bit more work. Offer to make plans to do something special the other day of the weekend - invite them over for a birthday tea.

Lifestooshort71 · 20/02/2024 09:38

She needs to get on the merry-go-round that's school parties and be reliable - don't want you on here next year saying why isn't your poor DD being invited to anything! These parties cost parents money and the flakey ones will be remembered. And she has accepted and really wants to go.

Broodywuz · 20/02/2024 09:43

"We're really sad to miss the party but we've already accepted an invitation to a party of one of DD's school friends so we won't make cousins birthday, could we come and see you on x day instead?"
Surely family will understand if you've already said you will go to the other party before you knew about this one. The school party is definitely the right decision.