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Original poster

Do I pull DC from school party to attend family members now booked on same day

116 replies

HereWeGoAroundAgain · 20/02/2024 08:31

Just curious as not been in this position before. One of my DC has been invited to their first school party and is super excited. It's now been announced a toddler cousin is having a party the same day. What's the right thing to do..

OP posts:
SoLuckyToHaveYou · 20/02/2024 09:49

Kids parties tend to last just a couple of hours. Is it possible that they could do the relatives afterwards?

Shitlord · 20/02/2024 09:49

School party.

Demonstrates good manners to honour the first commitment rather than pull out because you've had a better offer for something similar due to it being faaamily (presuming DC wants to go).

Also it's your DC's friend. Nice for the kids to do things together outside school and more fun than a toddler's party.

If you can call in on the little cousin and make both work, so much the better

SouthDubMum · 20/02/2024 09:50

The parent who is related to toddler should go to that one. Other parent takes daughter to her school party.

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Cattenberg · 20/02/2024 10:00

This thread is quite heartening. Almost everyone agrees that once you’ve accepted an invitation, it’s rude to rescind it for a “better offer”. I feared that this rule of etiquette was dying out.

wontforget · 20/02/2024 10:01

Cattenberg · 20/02/2024 10:00

This thread is quite heartening. Almost everyone agrees that once you’ve accepted an invitation, it’s rude to rescind it for a “better offer”. I feared that this rule of etiquette was dying out.

even if my sister had accepted, and then came to me to explain the situation, i would absolutely encourage her to rescind her acceptance to my toddlers party in favour of first school party.

No hesitation at all

Shinyandnew1 · 20/02/2024 10:03

HereWeGoAroundAgain · 20/02/2024 08:34

Thanks I don't think it's going to go down well with the family but I wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable!

That’s a pretty crap reaction from the family, if so! Presumably they’ve given you less notice than the child from school, so that’s that.

Normandy144 · 20/02/2024 10:06

You should go to the school party as you have accepted that one now and it would be rude to decline because of a better offer. In future though I would make sure to check in with your family regarding birthdays etc to make sure you can avoid future clashes. If I get a school party invite that is around the time of a family birthday then I will double check to make sure no clashes before I accept the school party invite.

LittleLittleRex · 20/02/2024 10:09

Whoever is related to the toddler should go to that party, with any other siblings.

The other parents takes DS to the school party.

MariaVT65 · 20/02/2024 10:09

What’s the problem with telling the family you already have plans that day?

Also, it may be more fun and suitable for your school-aged child to go to a party with his class mates than to a toddler party.

Taylormiffed · 20/02/2024 10:11

School party. Much more important for both of you.

madnessitellyou · 20/02/2024 10:16

Go to the school party. You've accepted and the party family might already have paid out for your child.

As for the "cousins have a lifelong bond" crap. It's a party for a toddler. Another child's absence at the party will have absolutely no impact whatsoever on whatever the hell this "lifelong bond" is.

That said, some families are bloody weird about this sort of stuff. We got hassle for missing a family birthday because I'd given birth that morning.

fruitbrewhaha · 20/02/2024 10:17

If it vital to your family that you attend, they will need to change the date of their toddler’s party.

ColleenDonaghy · 20/02/2024 10:19

Definitely school party, hope your DC has a ball! Call and see the cousin the next weekend with a present.

madnessitellyou · 20/02/2024 10:19

fruitbrewhaha · 20/02/2024 10:17

If it vital to your family that you attend, they will need to change the date of their toddler’s party.

Yeah they probably won't. They'll moan, guilt trip, throw on the emotional blackmail, probably cry, but wouldn't change a date been there

SarahAndGoose · 20/02/2024 10:21

Doesn't sound like the cousin's family gave much notice (given school invites rarely go out more than 5-6 weeks in advance). There's every chance if it wasn't a school party you'd have other plans anyway. Mind you, none of my husband's extended family ever seem to have plans and seem surprised when we do so perhaps the cousin's family is like that.

DottieMoon · 20/02/2024 10:26

It's unfortunate but I would keep to original plan and send DC to the school party. You need to prioritise your child first, they are super excited for this party and will miss out and be sad if they don't go.

TeabySea · 20/02/2024 10:31

TinkerTiger · 20/02/2024 08:44

'Sorry, we already have a party on that day. We'll see you later.'

Nothing wrong with this at all.
You made a commitment to one thing before you were aware of the other.
You could (depending on the family relationship) offer to meet up over a meal or at a soft play type place at a later date.
It would be really flaky and rude to ditch the school friend.

dottiedodah · 20/02/2024 10:39

Can you not do School Party and then Toddler next day or something? Seems a shame to miss out on her first time with School friends .

zeibesaffron · 20/02/2024 10:45

School party for me too! Your DD is looking forward to it and friendships at school are really important. Perhaps visiting the cousin the next day with a present would prolong the birthday celebrations for them 😀

SD1978 · 20/02/2024 10:56

Can you and the father split up? One go to the school party, one go to the other party? Then everyone is kinda happy. If prioritise the school party, you've said yes, and it's important to your kid

Sherrystrull · 20/02/2024 11:07

LittleLittleRex · 20/02/2024 10:09

Whoever is related to the toddler should go to that party, with any other siblings.

The other parents takes DS to the school party.

This.

Moglet4 · 20/02/2024 11:11

housingplanningquestion · 20/02/2024 08:41

So surprised to hear these responses! I'd prioritise the family party. Are you not keen on going to the family party?

That’s fair enough if the op hasnt already accepted the school one but if the invitation has been accepted then it’s the height of bad manners to then pull out for a different engagement

MzHz · 20/02/2024 11:13

The toddler won’t know who is/isn’t there, they’ll have people and presents and cake.

the school child WILL know who is/isn’t there as will their mother if you bail out on them.

your family will be fine and it doesn’t matter if it goes down well or not, this is a part of life that not everyone can wait around on the off chance that toddler parents have arranged things.

you can make a trip another time, it’ll give toddler something else to look forward to.

SandyWaves · 20/02/2024 11:14

Another one for school party.

Firstly, because that's the first invite you accepted and you should honour it.

Secondly, kids spend most of their time with their school friends. Its really important to encourage those friendships.

I would send a gift to the cousin though for them to open on their actual birthday.

WaitingForMojo · 20/02/2024 11:40

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2024 09:27

School parties are not unimportant and trivial to small children. Only to some adults.

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Not one of my four children had ever been remotely fussed by school parties.

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