I don't know how to sort my fucked up eating

[Ihavetoomuchtodo]

I have had this problem for years and years.

Most of the time I eat fairly healthily. I walk my dog every day. I exercise several times a week. I'm on anti depressants. I have a reasonably nice life, husband, two teenagers, busy job working from home. Retraining for a new career. Lots of friends. Good social life.
Mid 40s, definitely peri menopausal.

But I binge eat, I secretly eat. Mainly chocolate. I love the secrecy of it, the buying it, the anticipation. I'm pre diabetic. I'm overweight. I still can't stop.

I keep saying I will stop. I've had therapy, hypnosis, I've read lots of books about it. Nothing seems to work.

I read a book recently about a woman who was a binge eater and she said when she ate her binge food it felt like a hug, and I totally got that. It's such a comfort.

I'm at my wits end and feel like I've tried everything. I hate being overweight. I'm worried about getting diabetes but it's like drugs or drink. I just can't stop. When I bought a big bar today I was actually shaking with excitement. I ate it and then thought I could eat more and more and more but it will never be enough.

I periodically overeat, once I get started it's hard to stop. After a lot of thought and meditating on it, I came to the view that's it's comfort, but relatedly, exhaustion. The only thing that helps when I'm worn out is high energy food.

Very similar here. I’d lost the baby weight, through hard work. Then a crisis happened last year, and I was straight back on the rubbish. Eating it late at night. Sometimes it’s j the middle of the night. I’m fat again now. And my health has taken such a dive… Peri-menopause as well. I don’t know. I’ve had binge eating issues since leaving home as a teenager.

What sort of high energy food?
I know exactly what I should be eating. Most of my meals are high protein, lots of veg, etc. I eat meat.

You could try Overeaters Anonymous - they have online meetings and a recovery programme that works on the root causes

Yes I would agree, mine is since I left home at 18. I had a bad experience at the same time which may have had an impact. But I've had therapy. Loads of it. Can't afford to have any more.

Have you ever tried keto? It’s the only thing that keeps these urges in check for me.
your blood sugar levels out very quickly.

Therapy. Why do you need the hug? What stops you asking for an actual hug? Etc.

Tried keto

Good question! I will ask my husband for a hug. I miss my kids being little and all the hugs I would get. I miss being in an office and seeing friends everyday.

I’m sorry, that sounds difficult to deal with. Have you tried Ozempic?

Thank you, I'm only a bit overweight. Wouldn't qualify for Ozempic, can't afford it and don't want to go down that road.

I could have written this OP. I am also undertaking therapy to explore the feeling a bit bar of chocolate gives me.
I need a bit quantity of chocolate to satisfy. I also secret eat and have secret stashes of food here there and everywhere.

That’s heartbreaking @Ihavetoomuchtodo I hope you can find the strength to overcome this. I don’t have any insight I’m afraid, but what screams out to me from your op is that it’s something you do in secret, ie something that is yours, private, only for you. Do you feel you have to be strong for everyone? What are you not telling your partner/parents/friends? Don’t answer here, but maybe the answers will help you? Best wishes. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

I’m very similar to you OP.

mid 40’s, big successful job, 4 DC (2 still at home) lots of friends and hectic social life, lots of lovely dinners out and cocktails and wine.

been on HRT for a year and weight crept up from just under/over 9 stone to 12.10 over past 3 years.

massive binge eater, I can binge until Im in pain, been in therapy, connected to childhood trauma. Very difficult.

at beginning of year I stated on Saxenda and it’s been transformational. The week before i started i told my therapist “food is my hug, what if taking Saxenda leaves me bereft” I was so worried I’d be losing my main crutch.

it’s been great. I’ve not binged in 6 weeks. Prior to this I’ve never gone longer than two weeks without a binge. I haven’t wanted to. It’s like something has been turned off.

You're emotionally eating, OP.

Even if you think you're not, you are.

The NoBS weightloss programme is designed to help you learn how to break out of the cycle of disordered eating.

Many, many women have lost lots of weight and kept it off, having had eating problems including binging, secret eating and much more.

Sorry OP I started typing my post before you said you didn’t want to try ozempic.

that’s fair enough, it’s definitely not for everyone but 6 weeks in I’ve never felt so disconnected to food and it’s transformational

www.nobsweightloss.com/success-stories/

Is that Corrine Crabtree? I've looked at that before.

I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I'm really hard on myself and I'm a massive people pleaser. I hate conflict.

Tiredness and low iron levels made me eat chocolate, sweet stuff and well anything I could get my mitts on, constantly chasing higher energy levels.
It might not work for you, but worth trying a daily liquid iron shot (I take Spatone) and have a regular sleep pattern if possible.
You might be blaming yourself mentally and beating yourself up when there is a physical reason at play.

Thank you. I do take liquid iron. Hadn't realised there could be a connection though.

How much chocolate are we talking?

Today was a 200g bar in one go.

As with any addiction, you have to truly want to stop. Perhaps that time just hasn't happened for you yet.

For now, could you try buying smaller bars? So you get the fix but it's not as calorific?

Could you take the secrecy out? Or try dark chocolate? Honestly though I feel you… have had issues with eating for years and doubt I will even really find the answer…