I don't know how to sort my fucked up eating

[Ihavetoomuchtodo]

I have had this problem for years and years.

Most of the time I eat fairly healthily. I walk my dog every day. I exercise several times a week. I'm on anti depressants. I have a reasonably nice life, husband, two teenagers, busy job working from home. Retraining for a new career. Lots of friends. Good social life.
Mid 40s, definitely peri menopausal.

But I binge eat, I secretly eat. Mainly chocolate. I love the secrecy of it, the buying it, the anticipation. I'm pre diabetic. I'm overweight. I still can't stop.

I keep saying I will stop. I've had therapy, hypnosis, I've read lots of books about it. Nothing seems to work.

I read a book recently about a woman who was a binge eater and she said when she ate her binge food it felt like a hug, and I totally got that. It's such a comfort.

I'm at my wits end and feel like I've tried everything. I hate being overweight. I'm worried about getting diabetes but it's like drugs or drink. I just can't stop. When I bought a big bar today I was actually shaking with excitement. I ate it and then thought I could eat more and more and more but it will never be enough.

Have you tried intermittent fasting? If you only have an 8 hour window where you can eat, I find it is easier to not eat the chocolate in that window.

Sorry to be so annoying to everyone suggestion but yes I've tried intermittent fasting.
Maybe I don't really want to stop. But if I don't I'm going to end up with diabetes.

Instead of focusing on removing the ‘ chocolate hug’, have you tried adding something new in?? It could be, reading a chapter of a book, going for a 10 minute power walk, play an extra game with the dog etc…. Sometimes building new habits can be helpful in distracting from the old ones, just a thought!

It is Corinne, yes.

The programme is excellent.

It's full of interesting, intelligent women who have all had all the excuses we've all had.

In the nicest possible way, it was a great moment to realise that 'I'm not special'.

All the 'I just, I can't, I have to' stuff -women on NoBS have been there, done that.

No one is special. Everyone has the urges, shit going on, and yet they've done it. Lost a lot of weight and kept it off, having previously been through every diet in work, twice.

Losing weight for good takes resilience and effort. And perseverance (not perfection).

I have been there twice and have managed to heal myself twice. What brought me there was a desire to be thin. What took me out of it the first time was a limited choice of food during the day - I was in America at the time - their chocolate and junk food was horrible, I didn’t have the time to go looking for better treats - it allowed me to eat without thinking about calories - I lost weight whilst not thinking about food. I stopped dieting for the first time in 10 years. Then I stupidly thought I was cured and wanted to lose some weight - not much, just vanity weight. I started low carbing and I lost weight but eventually all that binging came back - took 3 years to get rid of it. I haven’t weighed myself since. It was so hard to overcome the binging - I had to go sugar free - even fruit is off limits - 6 months and I ate some sugar, when it starts to increase I go cold turkey again. It’s the only thing I limit - nothing else is restricted and no weighing yourself.

Thank you, yep I know I'm not special! That's a good thing, I want to know others feel the same!

Can you stop the secrecy bit and not worry about the eating right now? Tell your husband or another close friend every time - factually, not guiltily. "I had two bars today after breakfast." These things are hard to tackle alone, and this will take away whatever the secrecy gives you.

I could but I'm too ashamed. When you're overweight it's embarrassing to eat unhealthy food in front of others. Especially as my husband is a bit of a health nut.

I would recommend Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube and a book called The Body Keeps the Score. Therapy is not always the answer to healing trauma; there are other ways. Overcoming self-destructive habits is possible.

And thinking about it, I like the secrecy bit! I don't know why.

TBH it sounds like an addiction. You could try any addiction groups to get some insight.

Thank you, what sort of addiction group should I look for? Don't know where to start.

That's why I think you should try dropping the secrecy. It's giving you something that is different to the food itself.

Just to say not alone, I'm an emotional eater (I look forward to/plan the binges), and similar as you i've read the books etc but not worked

That is a really good idea but I couldn't do it in front of anyone. Which means I wouldn't do that and then would still do it in secret.
It's often in my car that I will eat.

@Ihavetoomuchtodo have you read anything by Geneen Roth? I found it really helpful to understand it as the food giving me what was missing- for me the calmness and choice where I had none in a DV situation. 'Feeding the hungry heart' is one book I think- they're old but good 👍🏼

I don’t actually think therapy will work, well let me rephrase that. Therapy CAN work but it’s a long, hard slog that doesn’t stop the behaviour. You have to learn to get to a place where you no longer need the behaviour. But that is basically saying you have to solve all of your longstanding, developed in childhood issues.

addicts (drink and drugs etc) rarely solve their issues, they start to unravel them and use therapy a lot of the time to talk about how they feel and tackle their demons but in order to not drink, they have to choose not to drink.

Making a choice everyday to stay sober, they haven’t solved their demons. They commit to stopping by choosing not to.

I would really recommend a podcast series called “Brain over binge”, presented by two women with binge eating experience (and one is a Dr I think) and the premise is that you must learn to dismiss the urge. Nothing else, no therapy, no long battle, no other diets (proper eating is the only other rule).

1. dismiss the urge
2. eat enough

I really rate it, I’ve been binging for over 20 years, I’ve been in therapy multiple times. I’ve tried so so many times to fix it / stop it / address it and nothing has been as useful as this podcast. It has completely changed the way I think about my BED. I’m not “fixed”, the same way an alcoholic is not fixed. I just choose not to binge (it happens occasionally but not often). I do feel way more in control of it than I have in 2 decades.

Hello ladies. I too ate loads of shit in the past, at night. Tired, hard day at work, crawling into PJs having been to the shop and bought quite a lot of crap and then just eating it all.

I am knocking on 50 tho and I've had to get my shit together. I came to see after so many 'I'll have to stop this eventually' moments, that I genuinely actually HAD to stop this.

Not least of all because turning fifty, being late forties, I felt silly for not being on top of my issues. Like, when, woman?? Am I going to be that together, wise older woman or am I going to fight the same old demons years after year with no progress? I I tried to get mindful about it - like, if I feel the 'I'll go to the shop' feelings, how can I interrupt them? How can I normalise not doing it anymore? What can I do to help myself? How can I meet my needs in other ways? What needs is this filling anyway? What do I need instead, to just stop??

Being peri and quite far though it now, I have found that rest is KEY and so is being your true self. No crap, no bullshit, nothing to worry about, plenty of rest.

Slowly the binge eating has disappeared. I knew it was wrong. I had to stop doing what I knew was wrong, in the end.

And I have good role models. An older woman in the pub said, 'you know all those things I say I ought to do and then just never do and it all drags on? I got so fucking sick and tired of it, one day I just stopped them all, all at the same time. It's been AMAZING.'

I now weigh less than I did 25 years ago. All my dresses either fit or are too big, and I'm the poster who posted that thread in style and beauty two years or so ago where I was over weight and mumsy and not exercising and thinking of giving my dresses away.

Good luck OP - keep trying, keep working on it and slowly see if you can change your actions in that moment, and I swear, the minute you see results and feel good about yourself, it will help so much xxx

This is me! I have between 3 and 5 bars of chocolate a day. Every night I think to myself tomorrow I won't eat any chocolate but then I'll go and buy more. I work from home and stay next to a corner shop so it's easy to give in and pop over in my lunch break. I want to stop but it's so hard. I'm a size 10, exercise and eat healthy otherwise so it's not a weight thing but I know it's so bad for my health.

I'm 38, I feel like I eat like a teenager. I'm always kicking myself for being so weak.

I think you need to find a comfort/treat that makes you feel amazing, that you can do in secret, and isn't food.

Good idea, any suggestions?
Painting nails, or a face mask isn't really my sort of thing.

Cutting something out completely feels like punishment to me. There’s a lot of shit going on in the world people are really trying hard to keep positive and stay strong. Rewards are important.

I’d start by cutting down, say to yourself “I’ll have half a bar not a full one,” and see how that goes and slowly cut it down week by week…

Switch to dark chocolate. Quite good for you, but difficult to eat too much.

Maybe commit to walking with a friend or whilst listening to a podcast or literally anything to get out of the house for a while each evening, so less time to dwell on snacking and earlier to bed

My other suggestion is a bit way out, but I was very much a problem eater for many years (total secret) until I treated myself to a short beginners cookery course which emphasised seasonal veg, soups, good quality simple food with herbs & spices - and wow - it just changed everything. I think my body over ate in search of nutrients and real taste, but I had kept on re-filling it with just more of the same easy sweet thing, so it was never satisfied.

When I get on a roll of preparing delicious & healthy things (and often there is next to no cooking involved), I just do not crave chocolate or sweet things at all. It gets easier & easier.

Maybe check out some recipe ideas eg loveandlemons.com do gorgeous little video clips of easy & healthy recipes. Get you taste buds craving something really good for you. Good luck 😋!

PS do you have the BBC Sounds App? Or the Libby Library App?

I just love going for a walk listening to a podcast or an audio book. Highly recommend listening to BBC Sound's Michael Mosley's 'Just One Thing' and Tim Spector's 'Food for Life'.