I don't know how to sort my fucked up eating

[Ihavetoomuchtodo]

I have had this problem for years and years.

Most of the time I eat fairly healthily. I walk my dog every day. I exercise several times a week. I'm on anti depressants. I have a reasonably nice life, husband, two teenagers, busy job working from home. Retraining for a new career. Lots of friends. Good social life.
Mid 40s, definitely peri menopausal.

But I binge eat, I secretly eat. Mainly chocolate. I love the secrecy of it, the buying it, the anticipation. I'm pre diabetic. I'm overweight. I still can't stop.

I keep saying I will stop. I've had therapy, hypnosis, I've read lots of books about it. Nothing seems to work.

I read a book recently about a woman who was a binge eater and she said when she ate her binge food it felt like a hug, and I totally got that. It's such a comfort.

I'm at my wits end and feel like I've tried everything. I hate being overweight. I'm worried about getting diabetes but it's like drugs or drink. I just can't stop. When I bought a big bar today I was actually shaking with excitement. I ate it and then thought I could eat more and more and more but it will never be enough.

listen to Dr Chris and Xand’s pod casts on UPFs (Chris) and A Thorough Examination ( both) it’s helped me stop chocolate, crisps and from mindlessly eating pure chemically fused rubbish. Chris tells you it’s not your fault, it’s hard, why you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it and provides pointers on why you should consider changing your eating habits

A thought re the secrecy, OP. For me, it's the power. As in, I feel powerful, in control, free from the constraints of others' judgment. Sometimes, it's so heady I feel positively gleeful. Other times, it's just a calm reclaiming of my entitlement (to eat, to sit and relax, to buy something for myself. All these get done in secret with the same feelings). So I need to workout how to let go the idea that other people's opinions should control what I can do. Might be different motivations for you, of course. Good luck OP.

Placemarking.

I've struggled with eating disorders for years. I'm nearly 39 and just managing to crack it (it's still a bit of a battle but getting there).
One thing i'm wondering is whether you are restricting at all between your binges? I've followed Tabitha Farrar and she is very clear that periods of restriction (whether you are under or overweight) will inevitably lead to binges.

I read a book recently about a woman who was a binge eater and she said when she ate her binge food it felt like a hug, and I totally got that. It's such a comfort.

Aw I want to give you a hug hearing that.

Any socialising / peaceful well-being things you can do?

Perhaps try one or more of the many 'influencers' on YouTube that deal with alcohol addiction? In your mind replace alcohol with chocolate...

I'm thinking of:

William Porter
The sober coach
This naked mind - Nancy Grace
Getting sober... again

Listening to these short videos when you get the urge might help.

Try SMART Recovery Services - have a look for them in your area.

They help with all kinds of addiction.

Not sure why you skipped over my suggestion but you did then ask about addiction services - try Overaters Anonymous

Thank you, sorry..it wasn't intentional.

THIS
I used to comfort eat - really bad cravings
Yo yo dieting.
I dropped the guilt first
Then started eating good meat protein- chicken

Cravings and bingeing stopped over night - must over 20 - 25 years

Years ago.

Sugar is one of the MOST addictive substances.

Alcoholics and crack addicts can break those addicitions and often still can't get out of the sugar cycle. It's worse than narcotics.

Therapy to work on the issue that drives you to eat like that and need that hug is the only way. Then starting healthy eating.

I watched my 300lb life and honestly it's scary how addictive food (sugar laden food - carbs) can be. But all the people who made big changes had to deal with what was driving the addiction to food first.

Thank you. I've had therapy, I know what's driving it, can't afford to have any more sadly!

Hmm this is random but have you tried ASMR massage videos? I play them and afterwards you can genuinely feel like you've just had a massage. Very relaxing. You could try that instead of food (or actually get a real massage, but I imagine that would be expensive)

Slimpod? They have free trial of their podcast. It’s really helpful.

Do you (consciously or unconsciously) restrict calories the rest of the time? If so, try eating more. I know that sounds the wrong way round but really PILING on the food at lunchtime/dinner - and all of it, not just the veg/salad. Twice the meat you’d usually have. A massive piece of pie. Loads of pasta and sauce. You’ve probably been under nourishing yourself for decades and the chocolate is a way to make up for that. I’ve been eating more to try and build muscle and it’s amazing that I’m not hungry! I know it sounds stupid but I’d always feel like going a bit smaller on portions was virtuous, but then I’d make up for that with white carbs or sugar. Now I just load up on protein, twice what I’d have before at least (so for lunch I’d have a full tin of tuna and some cottage cheese or boiled egg…just what feels like loads of food), nuts for a snack etc and although I still eat sweet stuff I can have one chocolate from a box and feel that’s enough. And when I’m hungry, I eat. But I eat FOOD. Cheese or meat or nuts. Nice things!

I 100% get this. I do similar
I started the Zoe app recently and it’s really helping me.
i think I was finally shocked when confronted with actual numbers that aren’t just the numbers in a scale.
what I’ve liked it that is helped me make better choices without feeling like I’m forgoing things
the other thing that my therapist helped me understand is that my binge eating is mainly driven by trying to make up for a pleasure deficit. She suggested that I was deliberate about making sure I had time for pleasure scheduled in to my calendar.
these two things have helped me a lot.

wishing you all the best, OP. Binge eating disorder is really a crap thing to suffer from x

Agree with this.
Years ago magazines used to promote the '1000' calories a day diet.
It takes 1000 calories to maintain a regular person without exercising.
So add your day ti day and it's basically a starvation diet.
Your body in starvation will going on red alert (or you would die) and that's when the sugar binge hit.
Feed the body enough nutritious food stops this yo-yo starvation/ binge cycle.
There was a fantastic books called Stop the Insanity which explained this very well.

"the other thing that my therapist helped me understand is that my binge eating is mainly driven by trying to make up for a pleasure deficit." @LazJaz

@Ihavetoomuchtodo Pleasure seeking - you want to feel good so you seek out something that will do that. You enjoy the thrill of it, the secrecy, the planning. You also describe it as a hug when you eat the choc. Your body/brain is effectively being driven by its desire for feel good chemicals, an addiction. Possibly dopamine and oxytocin. What happens if you don't eat the choc? Or can't get it? How do you feel?

You know through therapy why you want these feel good chemicals. Now it's up to you to look at other healthier ways to get that high. Or look at breaking the cycle altogether. I think looking at addiction support groups would be a good first step.

It’s actually quite simple. It’s because you’re restricting certain foods and/or not eating enough to truly satiate you. Remove all restriction and guilt, sit with the uncomfortable feeling of eating whatever you want and you will notice gradually your eating habits become normal. Nb your aim cannot be to lose weight. That will put you in the binge restrict cycle again.

Thank you. I think is absolutely right. But I do need to lose weight. How do I do that!

Thank you all so much for the advice and support on here, I'm so glad I started this thread. Thank you all so much.

So what do I do, what do I eat? I can't eat whatever I like cos it messes up my blood sugars and I feel starving. But if I restrict in any way I binge.

I feel like a massive fat whale. I really hate myself and feel so sad.

I am loving exercise at the moment though, I had a class today at 6.30am and it was brilliant. That's given me a dopamine hit.

I need a strategy for when I get the urge.

Also I remember a wise Mumsnetter once saying "sugar feeds sugar" which is true. Maybe I need to be really, really strong and not have any sugar. I was picking at rubbish earlier when cooking and it was because I was pissed off at being the only person who does anything at that time of the day. I do so much and it pisses me off so I was angry eating!

Maybe I should start journalling, it's been suggested before but I've never done it.

If I restrict I will binge but if I don't I will get fatter and get diabetes. Current attempts to lose weight aren't working though!

I am looking at addiction support.

There's a few things on Instagram I've been looking at

One is "eat what you want, add what you need" so you have the chocolate but you have to pair it with protein or something
So like m&ms but add them to Greek yoghurt. The idea being the protein fills you up and you're less likely to binge eat when you're adding the protein to it

This is a good account too

https://www.instagram.com/thebingeeeatingtherapist?igsh=MXNoN3Qyam1odW41ag==

I really recommend reading the book 'ultra processed people' I was like you I ate generally 'healthy' meals but I would think nothing of demolishing a huge bar of cadburys in one go or any junk food for that matter 😳 since overhauling my diet though my craving for junk food has dropped dramatically and I don't crave it like I used to (which I'm still shocked about as before my snacking was out of control).

I'm an emotional eater and also eat out of habit e.g in front of the tv at night after dinner. A combination of eating mainly non UPF foods and distracting myself at the 'danger' times of day helped break the habit.

You have my utmost sympathy though as I have struggled for years binge eating but I feel like I've finally cracked it. The book made me realise why I was eating the way I did and I finally managed to change for the better.

Op I think you need to forget weight loss. I get it’s important but stopping the bingeing is key - you need to deal with that first and whilst you have weight loss as a goal your inner emotions will be in turmoil. You need to learn to eat to nourish your body.

OP I get you 100%. I do this sometimes, with drive thru food. Generally healthy lifestyle but sometimes I can't resist and I get all the same feelings you describe from it, and I've been doing it for years and years.

What seems to be starting to help me a little is the concept of looking after my inner child and 'reparenting myself', so that it feels like I'm nurturing myself rather than restricting myself when I say no. It's the child self that wants the food and the parent self that is trying to say no.

It's just a way of framing it that makes sense to me - the idea of trying to nurture and look after my inner child appeals. You have to be very very intentional about it, recognise what's going on inside you, and take action. It's the hardest thing and it does need a lot of willpower and you won't always succeed (I caved yesterday but was still nice to my inner child and fully recognised what I was doing and didn't beat myself up).

I'm reading a book at the moment called 'Parent yourself again' which is really interesting.

But yeah - it's a very hard thing and I sympathise. It's really not that different from any other addiction. You have to recognise your trigger, why it's happening, and also have a lot of willpower.