I don't know how to sort my fucked up eating

[Ihavetoomuchtodo]

I have had this problem for years and years.

Most of the time I eat fairly healthily. I walk my dog every day. I exercise several times a week. I'm on anti depressants. I have a reasonably nice life, husband, two teenagers, busy job working from home. Retraining for a new career. Lots of friends. Good social life.
Mid 40s, definitely peri menopausal.

But I binge eat, I secretly eat. Mainly chocolate. I love the secrecy of it, the buying it, the anticipation. I'm pre diabetic. I'm overweight. I still can't stop.

I keep saying I will stop. I've had therapy, hypnosis, I've read lots of books about it. Nothing seems to work.

I read a book recently about a woman who was a binge eater and she said when she ate her binge food it felt like a hug, and I totally got that. It's such a comfort.

I'm at my wits end and feel like I've tried everything. I hate being overweight. I'm worried about getting diabetes but it's like drugs or drink. I just can't stop. When I bought a big bar today I was actually shaking with excitement. I ate it and then thought I could eat more and more and more but it will never be enough.

OP I'd first off start by not having it in the house. If it's there, I eat it.

Id then buy lots of fruit - still sugary but a whole lot better for you. Mangoes, strawberries, apples, blueberries to snack ok when you get that craving.

This is me sometimes, it's worse now I'm single so it's not a secret anymore. I think some really great advice has been said but this message is really just to say you're not alone. When I get those feelings I try to walk, literally anywhere and when I see the steps I'm putting in it helps me focus on that instead.

You say eating whatever you like affects your blood sugar, but my point is that if you stop restricting GOOD stuff (and this doesn’t mean virtuous health food only, but nice, satiating things like meat/fish, cheese, nuts, whole grains, fresh vegetables etc) you can really eat until you’re completely full instead of always feeling like you’re holding back. Once you get into that habit you naturally will want less carbs or sugary stuff and it all sort of sorts itself out.

The first week might be hard but if you stuffed your fridge full of satisfying yet healthy things without thinking about calories at all and let yourself eat all you wanted of that without tracking or guilt, you’d find yourself without an appetite for the sweet stuff. You say you can’t not restrict as you mess up your blood sugar but you’re doing that anyway with the chocolate. So why not try unrestricted eating from the good stuff. Go round the supermarket and buy things you genuinely like - salmon, cooked chicken, seeded bread, olives, whatever that may be - and eat as much as you want of all thay for a week.

I could of wrote this OP I'm currently being referred to binge eating Mh team although had to push for it for 3 years apparently dieting only makes it worse sending hugs because i know exactly how it feels !

Want to echo what PPs have said about how essential it is that you put the idea of losing weight to one side for now.
Get a handle on the binging first, and let your body start to be clear about what feels good for it. Find a way to accept yourself as you are now- that doesn’t mean that you need to say you absolutely LOVE how you look- rather that you accept yourself and accept that you deserve good nourishment and looking after, and that you want to honour this.
You might find that this method means weight does start to drop anyway, but making it a focus is a way to make those danger foods really exciting again.

As I said in my previous post, Zoe really has been amazing for me. You ask “what do I eat then?” Zoe has made it really easy to know what to eat in a way that is nourishing, filling, tasty, and in no way dictatorial. My cravings for binging are honestly near zero - it’s like a miracle.
So it’s not super cheap but if you think about how much cheaper it is than ongoing therapy or having to buy new clothes or in my case my daily expenditure on “forbidden fruit” I think it’s good value. I’ve spent probably most of my teenage and adult life caught in a point of the binge/restrict cycle but this feels like a new chapter.

I hope you find something that works for you OP

Hi OP, I don't really have any advice. I just thought it may help you to know that I am in the exact same boat. Secret eating is like a guilty pleasure for me also. My DP has started to ask me what I've eaten in the day (I can't lie to him and what starts off as "oh just some toast" as I try to hide becomes a full list because he keeps saying "and".) Takes the joy away so is actually helping.

It's not just secret eating it's complete lack of self control and loving the feeling of eating my weight in potatoes of any form.

Nothing will change until our brains are ready. Or we are so fed up of it that we change. I don't know when that will be for either of us.

You said in an earlier post that you know the cause but can't keep going to therapy. Can you resolve that issue alone?

@Ihavetoomuchtodo forget about losing weight. Honestly, that is a meaningless target.

Make your goals to gain muscle (when you gain muscle your metabolism naturally increases & your body shape improves) and improve the quality and variety of the things you eat. As a result you will naturally be happier, healthier, feel great and look great.

You were up at 6.30am and loving exercising. You are more than half way there! You obviously have will-power, determination and motivation. From your posts there is so obviously a real desire to change. This time is it.

Switch up your grocery shopping this week, embrace loving yourself and really treating your body well. Your body is amazing - you can exercise! - Reward it with great food.

Again, Michael Mosley/Tim Spector podcasts - so interesting, so motivating.

You mention trauma. I am so sorry you are having to deal with that. Emotional, comfort eating is a hard habit to break, but it can definitely be done. I recognise the chimes of spiraled negative thinking, low self-esteem and a battle against depression. ED's are a coping mechanism and a form of self harm all wrapped up into one. They are exhausting and lonely - this is the moment to switch coping mechanism.

The things that have really helped me both emotionally and body-shape-wise are the things I now really love, they are part of my lifestyle so they have stuck. Yoga/Pilates. Getting outdoors. Walking. Swimming. Moving to music. Eating well. Being kind to myself.

(I wish I could say going to bed early and not being on my phone, but we are all a work in progress 😊!)

All the very, very best.

Thank you so much. This thread really has been great.

Just back from personal trainer session at the gym. I go to a very cheap gym and my pt is 15 pounds a session which is very cheap. He really pushes me and i feel amazing afterwards. I guess three months ago I wasn't exercising at all so I should be proud of myself.

I am a Binge Eater currently in recovery. Since November, I have nearly lost 3 stone. This from regular eating, if 3 meals, and 3 snacks a day. Plus, no focus on exercising to try and lose weight! I was in an Eating Disorder support group. I worked through a book called 'Overcoming Binge Eating', by Dr. Christopher G. Fairburn. It gives you lots of tips. Exercise isn't really recommended for Binge Eaters, as you get in a cycle of exercising to lose weight, and then you eventually go back to bingeing and putting weight back on. The cycle then repeats itself. Eating plenty of protein in foods really helps too.

Thank you. 3 stone. Wow!
The exercise is helping my mental health so much and self esteem so I will carry on.

I am totally with you re. exercising! I find it incredibly motivating. Plus, because I can't exercise on a full stomach, it narrows my eating window. Brunch instead of breakfast and lunch...... also know as intermittent fasting.

Exercise is good if you can keep your mind firmly in the "doing it to feel good place", and steer away from counting calories burned.

This fb group was set up by someone who has a food addiction and has lost over 12 stone without surgery or medication. She is really supportive and offers a 1:1 service if you want to work with her. There is no judgement in her group and she is determined to take the shame out of food issues m.facebook.com/groups/817957639121406/?ref=sharem.facebook.com/groups/817957639121406/?ref=share&exp=8ce3

Thank you, I have requested to join. I have also got a list of OA groups, thank you @FusionChefGeoff

I found this on another mumsnet thread. She talks about not feeding your demon which I really like. It's long but worth a listen.

The thing with food addiction and binge eating is that you have to eat. You have to perform the addictive behaviour multiple times per day to live.

Stopping smoking is easy by comparison: stop buying cigarettes and say no to anyone who offers you one. It only took me three attempts to quit smoking.

@NCfortheeatingdisorderboard I'm glad you said that, as my neighbour who I've been slaughtered about on my own post. Said they couldn't give up smoking and indeed they haven't even through two pregnancies. To the point that they were told they would have a small baby if they didn't change/stop it. And their response was 'well I will just have to have a small baby then' 🫣

i have the same problem, but I am trying to control mine. Chocolate or something sweet daily is a real problem as I feel bereft if I do not eat it and I find myself consumed thinking about it. There are a couple of things I do to try and keep it in check. I apologise if they sound a bit simple or if I am totally missing the mark as to what help you are looking for, but you never know, it might help?

1. i buy chocolate that I really don’t like or makes me feel sick. Like a mars bar warm, a yorkie bar, liquid caramel bar. All of those make me feel nauseous. So if I fancy chocolate then I go to have a bit then feel yuk.
2. I have suck type sweets like Werthers. Sooo if I need something sweet then I have one and it lasts an age(I know not brilliant for your teeth but hey?)
3. Diet Coke. I hardly drink anything other than water tea and coffee, but if I am desperate for something sweet then this hits the mark.

I know this sounds counter intuitive but it works for me. I tend to look at them sitting in the cupboard and I feel a slight sick feeling so then I decide I don’t want them after all! Then i munch on some dried mango or a banana. Hope this might help you ?