Was I rude to say this?

[Namechangedty]

I'm British born (Asian origins) and was born and grew up in the UK.
My husband is half white British half Arab. His father was an expatriate and settled down in an Arab country and got married to an Arab. So he's got the British passport but wasn't born or raised here, he came here alone at 18 years old.

Today I told him he wasn't English. It wasn't said in a mean way, we were just having a conversation.
Was it rude??

I feel there is more to this than meets the humble eye.

IMHO, you are what you feel and it was very rude to say that.

That is the defence of a playground bully. Your words have hurt someone that you love. You need to apologise, not crowdsource opinions to split hairs over whether you were right.

Totally agree

What has any of this got to do with the OPs husband? Two entirely different circumstances

No this isn't the concensus at all and means nothing. He is British because he is a British citizen. He is English because of his heritage and time spent here. Don't be going back to him with a made up concensus. You sound awful. What's your agenda in all of this?

Agree with the above. He’s half English (from dad), half Arab (from mum).

I don’t agree with you.

@Ghuunvg Plenty of Australians have called me English/British as I've spent most of my adult life here....like @Namechangedty husband.

But I'm not. I wasn't born in England and what is more important to me, I don't consider myself English/British. Neither of my parents are English/British. You can say @Namechangedty was being unfair to her husband because he is actually half English as his father is.

@ChihuahuasREvil @Namechangedty
So in the future if he had been here 40 years would he be English?
What if he lived here 70 years?

What if he had moved here aged 2.
What about if he had moved to England at 8....10....12
What is the cut off for you?

If he lives in England and he has made England his permanent home then he is English.

Well he's a British citizen so he's British without argument. English is more debatable as there's no real legal definition but if his father was English and he's lived in England ten years then fair enough.

He isn't just English, but calling himself English is fair enough IMO.

If he said it was rude, it probably was, I certainly think it was

You're a German citizen. Of course you're German.

Just because you identify more with your British citizenship doesn't change the fact that you are German.

He's not English 🤷🏻‍♀️

If both countries played each other in the the World Cup final, which football team would he support?

But what makes you think you get to determine your own nationality??

Surely if you get to decide whether he's English, it's HIS decision whether you're South Asian or not!

Well whatever about what Australians think of you.
The point is that you don't consider yourself British and British people wouldn't consider you British as you were born and raised in Australia to Australian and French parents so it's case closed.
The OPs partner has a british father and would be considered British by British people, except the OP weirdly

It was a reply to another poster who had replied to me, evidently the quote part didn’t work.
Anyhow. Not entirely different at all, the ops husband has come from abroad (like my grandad) and lived here 10 years, doesn’t make him English. Just like my grandad who lived here for over 60 years wasn’t

I’m not a German citizen. I don’t have citizenship. I’ve never lived there. I don’t speak the language. I was born in England and have a British passport. Just because I have a german passport too doesn’t make me german

Arab isn't a nationality though, so what nationality do you think he is? Saying he is Arab is more akin to calling someone Mediterranean, or possibly European, but does not relate to a specific country.

That's literally what a passport is, it's evidence of citizenship. You can't get a passport for a country unless you're a citizen.

I'd say he is half English through his dad who is a white English man. So he has English DNA & ancestry more so than you have. You have British nationality/passport like your husband but you are of 100% Asian DNA/heritage.

Whatever a person's heritage is, you were extremely rude to speak like that to him. Manners cost nothing so it's time that you worked on yours.

What even does being English even mean tbh
I’ve always lived in England, never gone too far and certainly never moved away it’s all I’ve ever known
According to my genealogy I’m only 14% English….
realistically where you’re from means nothing, especially as England is such a diverse place with thousands of years of diverse history…

Basically I’m saying he can be English all he likes… especially with a passport

My father was German, my mother an eclectic mix of Russian, Irish and English. We both have British passports and cut glass accents having both been raised in England, as was Grandma.

I would say I am half German;
Mother half Russian; and
Grandma half Irish.

My side of the family tends to thinknof itself as white European.

DH would state he was a Yorkshireman before he would an Englishman.

I regard myself as British, DH regards himself as English.

I am not English, neither is the op's dp.

exactly

The problem is his self identity which can be difficult if the person is mixed race and themselves prefer one of those races as one they self identify as. Challenging that is rude and upsetting.

It's probably clearer if you think of it in terms of colour. Imagine if you had a person who was mixed race - one parent caucasian and one parent black.

That person may 'feel' or 'choose to identify' as either mixed race, white or black and there will be a lot of different factors operating as to why they feel the way they do.

Telling that person 'you aren't black' or 'you aren't white' if they are chosing to identify that way is bound to be upsetting and it would be classed as rude.

The same feelings attach if you have a mixed heritage. A person who is half Irish and half English is very likely to be offended if you tell them they aren't IRish or they aren't English. The 'half Irish' or 'half English' isn't going to help.

Steer clear of telling people what they are or aren't and you have less risk of offending!