Was I rude to say this?

[Namechangedty]

I'm British born (Asian origins) and was born and grew up in the UK.
My husband is half white British half Arab. His father was an expatriate and settled down in an Arab country and got married to an Arab. So he's got the British passport but wasn't born or raised here, he came here alone at 18 years old.

Today I told him he wasn't English. It wasn't said in a mean way, we were just having a conversation.
Was it rude??

You can be both and how you identify is important.

I was born in another country and was there until I was 22. Then I moved here, on my own.

I will always identify and sound like I'm from there, it's part of how people see me and view me, and how I view myself. Thankfully for me it's a nationality that is generally popular or viewed of affectionately by most Brits, and I felt embraced into British society quite quickly.

I've now been here more than 25 years. Everything "adult" I've done, like learn to drive, buy a house, have kids etc has been done here. My accent has softened considerably. When I go "home" they think I'm from here. I'm a bit no man's land in that regard.

I sort of feel British as well. Apart from having the passport, I also have the blood, and am a pretty equal split of English Irish and Scottish (did a DNA test). If someone told me I wasn't British, I'd have a strong argument to disagree, as nearly as strong if someone back home told me I wasn't that nationality.

I wasn't born here though.

None of it would upset me I don't think, as how I feel is more important than how others view me.

I think in my situation being a native English speaker and white probably makes things less complicated as well.

@Gymmum82 every English person I've ever met has had an accent is a) and b) if he's 100% not English how does he have a passport? That seems like a pretty big governmental oversight that they give out passports like that.

I'd say he was half English, half wherever his mum comes from, but he is now British.

Either way, you offended him, and he's allowed to be upset by that.

Why did you say it, though? What's the point? You sound like you think you're superior to him. It's strange to feel that way about a spouse.

There are differences between English accents and foreign accents.
He has a passport because his dad is English. I have dual citizenship British and German. I am not German. I’ve never lived there. I don’t even speak the language well. But according to you I must be German because I own a passport? Riiiiiight

I was just teasing him

Of course he is English. Half English, perhaps, but still English.

I have dual nationality and grew up outside of the UK, only moving to the UK as an adult. My father is very much British, my mum is very much from the country I grew up in (Western Europe) and I regard myself as both British and my mother's nationality.

You know why that is? It's because I am. And I have the paperwork to prove it.

I do, however, lack in childhood references that are specifically British because I didn't grow up here. Doesn't make me any less British though.

You, however, judged your husband's identity because of his accent. If that isn't racist, even though it is the result of your DH'a father's failures, I don't know what is. In fact, he learnt to speak the language regardless. I'd say that is testament to your husband's recognition of his heritage.

Exactly.
I'm originally south Asian. Don't speak the language, never been there. I don't consider myself south Asian at all

As PP have said, you weren't rude, you were factual. At most he's half English owing to his Father's heritage.

@Gymmum82 of course I don't think you're German if you're 100% English and don't live in Germany or speak German- you'd probably speak German with a foreign accent anyway. However in this instance you're saying the OP's husband who does speak English, does live in England and has an English passport, and from the sounds of it considers himself English, is 100% not English and I find that absolute strange.

If you moved to Germany and could speak the language well and intended to live there permanently I think you could legitimately say you were German, yes.

There’s also the issue that being English, rather than British, is entirely a matter of how someone identifies as it’s not a legal nationality…

If he's got a British passport he's British.

You don’t live and work in S Asia though, do you? If you settled there permanently, don’t you think you’d have a right to say that you were S Asian?

He's ethnically English

DS2 lives in Cardiff, I’m Welsh.

He isn’t, he’s English. Always will be. Even if he learns Welsh.

Some people move around enough in their formative years to take their parents’ nationality as their own. Most of us are the product of where we grew up with in your DH’s case is not England.

I live in Scotland, and regard it as my permanent home (we moved here from Essex years ago), but wouldn’t call myself Scottish because I wasn’t born here - I think that it would offend some people if I did.

But if the OP’s friend considers themselves British, I wouldn’t argue with him on it.

My brother was born in Japan to two French parents and didn't go to France until he was 22. There was never any question that he was French despite never having lived there.

Are you jealous of your boyfriends lineage?

1. Everybody in the world has an accent!
2. I don’t understand what you will learn from strangers on MN that you don’t already know from your husband. He was upset by what you said. That’s all you need to know going forward. Were you hoping lots of people would agree with you so you could report back to him that he was over sensitive? If that’s the case then you have a poor understanding of basic human psychology (and kindness). You can disagree with him if you like, but he’s not ‘wrong’

Well he evidently found your teasing unpleasant and said so. Perhaps you could reflect on that.

And when he didn't like your joke, you came to the Internet to be told you're right, and he's oversensitive, or? ...

Oh yes.

"I was just teasing"
"it's just banter"
"can't you take a joke?"

Well he's not technically British, but he is in other ways.

Who cares? British doesn't seem to mean anything these days anyway.

Whatever your husband's legal nationality might be, I would be insulted if my husband called me English rather than British.

Yes it was rude. His father is English and he has lived here for years. He has dual nationality and heritage which includes being English /British (there is obviously no English passport).

What were you thinking, believing you could dictate his origins to him? You owe him an apology.

And stop thanking those who agree with you. It's childish.

If you were just teasing, why are you on here thanking all those who share your opinion? Really not pleasant