What improves social mobility for children? Is it extracurriculars, education, money?

[Downwarddog2]

At the moment social mobility is very low, UK is officially in a recession. What can make a difference to a child's chances of climbing the social ladder. DH & I are working class but aspire to so much more for the dc aged 12 & 10. How do we go about it.
I'd like them to feel very comfortable in upper middle class company & in a corporate job if that's where they end up. DH & I are very ill at ease when in middle class/umc company either through school parents or work. I don't want our dc to be the same.

Confidence.

I am in the same position as you and I believe confidence is the barrier. Believing that you belong.

Cultural capital ie frequent trips to museums, art galleries, talking about the news and current affairs. Fostering an interest in, and understanding of, the world/politics etc.
Then a broad range of extra curricular activities: music, drama, art etc
So yes money plays a part but it depends where you live, cultural capital is easy in London where things are on yhe doorstep, a lot harder in a rural area where there is little or no public transport and it is 2 hours travel to a museum.
Finally reading, reading and more reading.
Although saying that my 12 Yr old DD is reading the original Hobbit and still can't spell 🙄

As a teacher, I really think reading with them and to them when they're primary age is one of the very easiest things you can do and yet is so often ignored. You can't leave it to the school - children need to practise 3 or more times a week. I've worked in different types of area and by Y3, regardless of parents' profession, only about a third of children read even semi regularly. Reading opens up the whole curriculum and makes children more confident. Being read to makes them more articulate. I teach some children who receive FSM who I really think will go on to have excellent careers - they are all very good readers.

Charm and excellent social skills

Get your kids to take up some acting classes. Learn how to act like middle class people. Learn how to speak and how to socialise with them. Read "Watching the English". Research getting your kids a bursary at an independent school. It's a bit older but "Parent Power" by Francis Gilbert is interesting. As are some of the "rules of" books by Richard Templar.

Don't pass on your class issues!

Just bring them up to be themselves and believe they are fine as they are.

Focus on being able/open to getting on with everyone and good education beyond school.

Open mindedness is vital in modern workplaces.

Another vote for encouraging reading! Was speaking to a teacher friend recently who told me studies show reading for pleasure is the biggest indicator of future earnings, regardless of other metrics like socioeconomic background.

Don't do any of this.

Acting classes!!

I absolutely agree with you on this. DH & I were both raised with the attitude of knowing our place & not getting ideas above our station...

Drama classes do build confidence. Not about acting as something you’re not, but public speaking and just the general confidence with strangers of in social settings.

Move to Northern Ireland and send them to a grammar school. I know lots of ordinary people who are doctors, solicitors, a partner in PWC. My best friends from ordinary background are a public prosecutor and a vet. The high schools here also encourage children to be the best they can be.

If you work on yourself you will model better attitudes for your kids.

They don't need to be like anyone else, they need to be happy with who they truly are.

That is the exact mind set of my mother in law. She was brought up lwc and it is almost a deadly sin to better yourself. I am mc and brought DH up to mc through where we live, our careers and our interests. She constantly has to get jibes in about us thinking we are better than them (we don't think this) and getting above ourselves. It is incredibly damaging but thankfully DH has managed to break free of that attitude.
Before I get attacked, my grandparents were firmly lwc but they valued education and my dad was established mc by the time he had me (first to go to grammar then uni which just happened to be Oxford etc).

I think it’s ultimately education and having aspirations to succeed. Make sure your children value themselves and know they are as worthy as anyone else.

All the personal attributes are important - motivation, drive, desire to learn, good work ethic, high standards for oneself, intelligence, talent in a particular area, self-belief. Some of those things may be innate, not taught. All the opportunities suggested above contribute of course.

I do think environment and people around you make a big difference eg good role models, encouragement and support for education.

Weirdly I agree with acting classes.
It's not about learning to act posh.
It's about confidence, becoming used to people listening to you speak, disciple in terms of being physically aware and orally practiced.
Yes exposure to the cultural things that you feel might help, especially in sport if they are boys because men do a lot of bonding/networking over sports.
Reading, Broadening the mind/travelling the world/through history etc. Filling in the gaps of the curriculum that exists between state and private.
Food/music/arts/language.
It will cost, but they are ways to do it cheaply. My number 1 tip would be find a wealthy patron!

Cultural Capital - honestly this is SO important. Expose them to a wide range of experiences.
An interest in the world - watch the news, read newspapers, discuss things that happening around the world.

Encourage them to read widely

Also yes to a good general knowledge and an interest in current affairs. A critical mind.

Yes it really does instil an inferiority complex unfortunately

Definitely drama lessons or anything that promotes confidence and public speaking.

Being a good reader is all well and good but studying English at a RG university didn't magically get me a well paid job because I was too shy to speak to others and had no idea about the world of work (internships etc).

I think there are a couple of things here. My dad's family are very rural working class, and have been where you are. I would very much stress that you do not verbalise your class worries to them. I heard them growing up and have the social anxiety associated, especially around DH's (absolutely lovely and non-judgemental) friends from his boarding school. However, I found reading a variety of books gave me an insight to lives different to mine, and also being schooled on basic good manners, especially at the dining table, makes life much less stressful because you know what to do. Keeping them interested in the world around them and debating current topics in the news will give them confidence. Don't feel you have to keep up with the Joneses, and don't feel you have to pretend to be something you're not - fake is uncovered and people tend to react badly. Honesty and kindness is well received.

Another vote for confidence. It took me ages to get over that 'don't belong' feeling when walking into a hotel lobby or restaurant. My parents still make themselves small when they do it, whereas my kids walk in and feel comfortable there, because that's the behaviour I model - being polite, but not worried about asking questions/using the facilities.

It’s cultural capital and breadth of experience.

Knowing, without doubt that you have the right to be at a gallery exhibition /a theatre box/ the royal enclosure / a Michelin star restaurant. Whatever it might be. Children learn through diverse experiences.

That doesn’t mean you have to have done all of these things with them but a visit to the V&A, cheap tickets for a local play, attendance at a small sporting event and dinner somewhere where they learn to read an menu and engage with waiting staff are all helpful.

Cultural capital

Reading, reading and more reading

Consistency and routine at home

Attitude towards learning - love of learning for its own sake rather than to pass tests

Willingness to work hard and be resilient, perseverance

Confidence

Encouragement - always be their cheerleader, don’t squash their dreams, help them follow up on interests and dreams. My gran was a grocer, my mum was a secretary and didn’t get a single O’level and I ended up at Cambridge University and in a professional career - it never really occurred to me that I shouldn’t because of class issues. It was entirely due to my mum and dad being utterly brilliant parents in a very understated way. As it happens I didn’t do acting courses - their confidence in me and their approach brought me up to be articulate and quietly confident in my own competence. I studied hard, they made sure I had a quiet place to study (quite a feat in our little house) and I never ever ran short of books. Our house was full of books on every topic imaginable, as well as my dad reading the newspaper every day and getting his monthly science and engineering magazines - his reading time was a child-free zone and I had to comply with his “no noise, no games” rule to earn a peek at the pages he had already read so I could try and figure out what he found so interesting!

If your dc are naturally bright and interested - a big yes to enrichment lots and lots of reading (take them to libraries and let them choose), documentaries (plenty on YouTube!), exhibitions, museums, try to visit different parts of the UK. Teach them to think - keep them up to date with the news, debate issues with them, play Scrabble, do puzzles together,get them to use Ms office applications etc.

And try to talk to them about different careers - show them there are a million ways of living a successful life. My kids are currently headed for the building trade and teaching and the army! Happy is more important than anything else.