What improves social mobility for children? Is it extracurriculars, education, money?

[Downwarddog2]

At the moment social mobility is very low, UK is officially in a recession. What can make a difference to a child's chances of climbing the social ladder. DH & I are working class but aspire to so much more for the dc aged 12 & 10. How do we go about it.
I'd like them to feel very comfortable in upper middle class company & in a corporate job if that's where they end up. DH & I are very ill at ease when in middle class/umc company either through school parents or work. I don't want our dc to be the same.

Being good company. Warm. Funny. Amusing. Smart. Someone who makes other people felt good about themselves and who creates fun and good times. If you are like this you will whizz up the social scale. Violin lessons are neither here nor there.

Get into some sort of position where they can take a risk with their career when they're older and they'll know there'll be a safety net.

It's so much easier going for a well paying but hard to get job if you know you can stay at your mum's if it all works out. Likewise careers with one fail and your out exams and careers where unpaid work ie internships are vital to get you through the door.

Second to that is cultural capital imo.

Find a wealthy patron?
Have we slipped into a dickens novel?

Truthfully you will just end up raising children who feel they do not belong anywhere.

Manners, kindness and contentment within yourself.

Resilience.

Tell them never to mention social inequality, social justice or remind their future middle class peers of how many poorer people live.
Also tell them to learn to ignore the small classist comments towards working class people that are endemic amongst the middle class, and always denied - oh no we did not mean that - tinkly laugh.

Pretending that either you have -

1. Always been middle class or
2. Working class but pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and anyone can do it,

is acceptable. Anything else is having a chip on your shoulder. You have to pretend all your money and everyone else's has been gained by merit only.

Rubbish!

And ignore the recommendations about manners. Respectable working class people have excellent manners. You instead need to foster a sense of entitlement. Good manners, apart from superficial things like table manners, will get you absolutely nowhere.

Social skills: Teach them basic manners and table manners; How to network; They will need to learn how to navigate securing internships, jobs and networking with people in their industry.

Environment: Provide an encouraging and nurturing environment for them. Try to shield them from friends and family that show inverted snobbery or those that have that "this is not for the likes of us" mentality.

Confidence: Take acting, or a toastmasters classes so they can speak in public and can engage with others confidently.

Sports and extracurriculars: Encourage learning and trying out different things: Music lessons, martial arts, Tennis, golf, horseback riding, rugby, cricket, skiing... If they can learn the basics, it would be useful for them to engage with their peers and colleagues when they are older.

Culture capital: Visits to museums, art galleries, theatre, woodland walks, restaurants etc..; Watching documentaries and the news; Traveling to different countries and experiencing different cultures;

Academics: Encourage the love of learning, first and foremost. Encourage reading and help them find the subjects they are good at. Then research the careers that tie in with that. Visit universities. Help them find work experience to get a feel for different work environments.

Mentor: Once they have told you what their career interests are, help them find a mentor in that field that can help guide them and give them advice. They can help create a road map of things they need to work on and strive for.

Attitude: Help them develop a hard working nature, build resilience, grit. Give them chores, let them get a part-time job; etc..

It was me that said it and to be honest I was thinking more about the jump from non-working or low income families to middle class jobs that are quite accessible like teaching, health professionals etc. Jobs that require a degree from someone who'd be the first in their family to go (and perhaps the first not to leave school at 16). I appreciate this isn't what the OP was about though.

It sound like you've got a bit of a chip on your shoulder to be honest!

@ElaineMBenes just sick to death of the endemic classism amongst the middle class. No not every single person, but it is incredibly common.

Books and cultural capital

Confidence

And trust that they will be ok with whatever they choose.

I'm v middle class (umc) but had a long & interesting conversation with the builder who fixed our house over 4 months. He was very working class but his son had gone to university, studied graphic design was on the way to becoming middle class. BUT earning potential as a graphic designer was much worse than as a trainee builder. And the builder dad was wondering why bother.

Also, I know a posh boy who went to art school but couldn't earn money as an artist so now works as a painter/ decorator. He gets lots of work because he speaks the same way as the people who hire him and so they trust him.

As well as cultural capital, reading and drama - all of which I agree with - go on holiday to other countries whenever you can. Expose them to other cultures and make them order their food or drink in another language. We went to loads of European cities on £5 Ryanair flights, using public transport and eating unusual things. All my DC now live and work abroad.

This made me laugh but it's so true!

So much good advice here.

i think it goes in stages/ ages -

First of all read to them and with them as much as possible. Encourage them to read for pleasure, as many genres as possible including non fiction. Find what they like. Read some classics, go outside the best seller lists, when they’re older they can read some autobiographies as it’s always enlightening learn about the sheer variety of other people lives. Include History. Teach them vocabulary, so they’re not scared of long words.

In the middle years get them to try different activities (which can be hard as they cost money). Allow them to try and stop if they don’t like it, but if they find something that clicks, encourage perseverance. A sport or a musical instrument will teach the value of practice and this will result in intrinsic confidence because they will know they have something that’s theirs that they can do well.

For teenagers, take them out and about and teach them about getting around in the world. Help them practice getting a train across country, go to different cities for a look around on weekends, take them to London now and again so they’re not intimidated by its size, get them to find their way around the Tube and overground.

All of these will build confidence. Also second the galleries, museums, films etc but in general being curious about the world, not afraid to try stuff/ speak to/ mix with people, ask questions - these go a long way. And every time you see someone on telly doing something impressive, remind yourself and them - they were a learner once and if they can do it so can I.

I think social mobility is about major structural issues in society and there are some great reports from the government and sutton trust on how social mobility is declining and worse here than in other european countries.

In terms of giving yourself as an individual the best chance to improve your own lot, it would be moving to a good school and joining a sports club like cricket, swimming or hockey. Air /Army/Combined Cadets is also good. All the 'posh' schools here have combined cadets at school. It does all sorts of social skill, volunteering, physical development, leadership.

Aspiration.

I am from the very much a working-class background, and I still would regard myself as very in touch with that background, but I have an MA and work in a environment surrounded by middle class people.

I grew up in a single parent household and neither of my parents had stayed in School beyond O level. I was a young carer too- the single biggest influence on my career path was a teacher at sixth form. He sat me down with university pamphlets, and was the first person in my life to ever act as though he assumed I would be applying. Until then it had never even crossed my mind that it was an option

The language around class and social mobility is shocking. Bettering yourself etc etc. Lots of very positive personal attributes listed here which apparently show you are middle class. Since when did being hardworking or bright mean you must be middle class?

Thanks for all the excellent advice here, going to read the full replies now

It’s confidence but also nurturing interests so you have something to talk about and points of reference with the people they meet at work or in business. Eg a lot of boys at private schools play rugby. If they meet someone new professionally who was also privately educated, it’s easier to break the ice by talking about a shared interest such as rugby.

Exactly. Or good manners.
The classism is rife. They look down on working class people and do not even realise that they are demonstrating this in so many ways.

Send them to a school where they will mix with MC children and absorb everything that it means to be middle class.

Or, give them pride in their own background. Most MC people hate having to talk to the plumber. The awkwardness goes both ways. It’s just that as a society we tend to value MC jobs and values more. They aren’t actually superior in any meaningful way.

Truthfully you will just end up raising children who feel they do not belong anywhere.

Well mine are CF's who feel they belong everywhere and can cross social classes backwards and forwards comfortably.
(TBF I don't feel I belong anywhere, but never did anyway so nothing lost there)

Cultural capital / education, all the way, and give each a name at birth that sits just as easily on a street sweeper, a clerk, a manager, or a judge.

For us it meant turning to Home Education to break a generational lack of education, 'XYZ' isn't for people like us, the crime of having ideas above our station, and the belief that just working really hard got you somewhere better.

I did a lot of time watching nice MC and UC families and figuring out what the real differences between them and me were, and adopting my version of what I thought was valuable, and not what I didn't.

Buy a table, eat at it, teach basic table manners, and talk about everything from whats gone on in their day to what's going on in the world.

Read and teach them to value it. Encourage them to share what they've read.

Keep a dictionary and a Theasaurus on that table, and let them use them to win in scrabble- make up your own rules and ignore cheating that has them read 'extra' words.

Play scrabble, chess, backgammon and Monopoly, they teach a lot of skills while having fun. If you can manage Go, do it. Nowadays, make Wordle, Octurdle, and Countdown, family stuff.

Stick radio 4 on in the background, turn it up if anything interesting comes on.

Turn them out dressed well enough to not feel lesser if you can and teach them to polish their shoes. (sounds mad, but got spotted a lot)

Teach them to value what they have.

Teach them to love and respect nature.

Teach them to speak to everyone, old young, regardless off position, and basic politeness. Good morning goes a surprising way.

Learn some basic Latin with them. It's really easy (Beginners level) the route of so much and Harry Potter helped it be cool.

Encourage learning another modern language just for the sake of it, get passports and get on the ferry day deals and use it.

Listen to how you speak and if you can't change your pronunciation, teach them they don't say it that way! (ie I say couwk and bouwk and bin but corrected the kids to say cook, book and been, automatically.)

Hand on every WC skill you have. Them having different skill sets (especially with education on top) opens up doors too.

Model hard work, but also smart work. Get them earning young and teach them to stay away from benefits unless they truly have no choice. (take the Kings shilling, you dance to his tune.) Go without or work longer to get what you want.

If it's free and involves culture, or making, do it.

Acting groups help with self confidence, teamwork, interviews and delivery of speeches/presentations or standing up in court, (LEA) and they're fun.

Don't sneer at Sebastian and Norbert, they have their own crosses to bear.

IMO being able to hold your own in any company and refusing to feel lesser (even if you're faking the hell out of it) imprints on them to actually be that.

Education.