What improves social mobility for children? Is it extracurriculars, education, money?

[Downwarddog2]

At the moment social mobility is very low, UK is officially in a recession. What can make a difference to a child's chances of climbing the social ladder. DH & I are working class but aspire to so much more for the dc aged 12 & 10. How do we go about it.
I'd like them to feel very comfortable in upper middle class company & in a corporate job if that's where they end up. DH & I are very ill at ease when in middle class/umc company either through school parents or work. I don't want our dc to be the same.

@twistyizzy dyslexia?

How did she meet these people in the first place?

Eh?

@twistyizzy you said he's reading the hobbit but can't spell?

A sign of dyslexia perhaps?

Family connections.

Unfortunately it's been very painful for us when it's come to dc doing work experience. All the professionals families have dc in various offices.

OP I come from a real mix of class backgrounds both from parents and then i married 'well' (not by design!!) so i've been watching this play out my whole life and thought about it a lot (esp as i grew up outside UK for a while so had an outsiders view too)

1 - confidence and ability to look people in the eye is crucial. my DC8 is in public speaking/drama classes to help with confidence - i want them to be more confident than i was through my school and uni years

2 - cultural influences - we spent childhood in museums and art galleries and accepted this was the norm. My parents liked it because it was free (we had little spending money) but it taught us to respect perspectives and learning.

3 - Do this stuff WITH your kids, don't just tell them they should be doing it. This ultimately teaches them that its an important part of being an interesting adult.

4 - Holidays - there are absolutely LOADS of historic things to see in the UK very cheaply (Roman, medieval, iron age forts etc) Helps if you like history obviously. To this day I can't go on holiday here or abroad without always visiting an important site or museum if there is one in the area. It makes me sad that so many people go abroad to visit shopping malls to go to Zara & H&M (I often like to do this too, but not until i've exhausted the other stuff)

5 - Teach them manners - boys AND girls should be taught to hold doors open for people and offer seats on the tube, etc. And they need to know how to hold their cutlery - if only so they feel comfortable on dates and at business meals out when they are older!

Sorry 😊. We don't think dyslexia as she can spell perfectly well one minute but not the next and is an avid reader. It is more of a concentration issue, she rushes to get her thoughts written down. Top set English but her teachers have always been bewildered at her level of reading Vs spelling ability.

Instil a love of learning. Not just learning how to pass a test.

Read to them from a young age.

Take an active interest in their education and foster aspirations.

Encourage a hard work ethic. All of this rubbish about “manifesting” drives me mad. You don’t manifest success, you achieve it via hard work.

I don’t agree with any of the suggestions about acting middle class. What does that even look like? Be yourself.

@twistyizzy look into it, unfortunately teachers don't really understand dyslexia at all.

Thanks I will but I oversee the screening for dyslexia in my organisation and I'm 99% sure she hasn't but good point and I might screen her! Will be interesting at any rate

Lots of the advice seems to be focussed on helping young children to achieve academically- I don’t think earnestly swotting away, passing your exams and playing the flute etc necessarily provides you with social mobility?

I was going to reply “who the fuck cares, just be yourselves, I’m sure your kids are great” and then I realise that may be the elusive “middle class” difference that always has perplexed me on these Mumsnet chats.

Love them, read to them, do interesting stuff (whatever that means to you, not others) talk to them about it, be interested in their opinions, and above all instil in them the belief that they can be and do anything. If you love art or music or cooking or travel or spreadsheets or nature or car maintenance or whatever, show them your world and encourage them to do what interests them.

Ignore any post that suggests acting lessons (unless that’s their passion!) or any form of pretence because there is nothing worse than inauthenticity. You, your family, your kids, they are enough.

It certainly was for previous generations - I know a lot of very successful people who were first generation to go to grammar/university.

I think it’s less simple than that now. Plus
our kids are now competing globally. Many talented ones not bothering with university at all. AI is on the horizon. Finding all our advice is very very out of date now.

@TheaBrandt agree

For me it was reading a huge number and variety of books from a young age onwards, public speaking lessons (achieved grade 5), reading only broadsheet newspapers no tabloids, and then going to the theatre, ballet and opera using the student discount tickets. My siblings then followed in my footsteps.

Confidence and a firm sense of self. I think a key for this is to grow up being loved and accepted unconditionally by at least one person. Not everyone can have an idyllic childhood but having someone as 'your person' goes a long way in acting as an anchor.

An upbringing where they have had the opportunity to see and experience different cultures, perspectives and ways of being

• for anyone else with with dc like mine please don't panic about the reading aspects of these posts. I've got one seriously advanced reader and one who goes slowly and doesn't read much. There are ways around it!!

I’m not sure how good you are at reading affects your social mobility though? Most people can read.

Following with interest!

-Reading
-A good kitchen table for eating together at
-Radio 4 on in the background (this sounds stupid but I learned so much about the world from listening to this on the way home from school as a kid)
-Lots of extra curricular clubs - encourage them to give everything a try at school.

• Listen to lots of different music

Show them you are interested in the world and feel valid within it. If you have a place then they will feel eligible to find theirs.

Maybe this is all wrong but it is what I'm trying to do with my kids.

@TheaBrandt yes and no. Unfortunately a huge amount of dc do leave primary unable to read... Look at the stats, quite shocking

It's horrific that ANY child leaves primary school unable to read. The school has failed, epically. My DC is very dyslexic, as we surmise were his father and grandfather, but they are/were all quite quick-minded. Eventually they all learned to read for pleasure and leisure and information. And one held an Army commission, another is an entrepreneur and the youngest plans a career in a visual/hands on creative area. None is academic, but they have the ability to achieve an end result and the drive to get there.

@Dabralor podcasts have so much also I put them on in background or sometimes put speficic ones up with dd eg various history ones if she's learning a subject.

@Papyrophile agree. But look at the stats, it's surprising/ shocking just how many do leave unable to read.. Unfortunately a large part of this is the phonics scheme.
Dyslexic dc are phonics blind and it's an extra barrier to them, but school can't offer other than strategies which is blind boggling.
Nothing is an issue or a problem for my dd with literacy issues.

If you want them to feel empowered and confident in middle class/upper middle class situations then, when the opportunity to be in those situations arises, don’t shy away yourselves. And if they express discomfort doing something like that themselves, don’t just be encouraging but actively let them know that you find those situations tricky and it’s not what you want for them.

Sometimes children make assumptions based on their knowledge of their parents which might not be correct (eg. ‘My folks feel uncomfortable on that situation so it’s one I should also avoid’… or ‘my parents will think I’m getting airs if I go to this thing/do that thing’).

My mum (wc upbringing) has no confidence, especially socially. I’m the opposite, partly upbringing/opportunity and partly personality. She still always seems to feel that my confidence is me being ‘up myself’ - or at least she has very mixed feelings about it. So I’d encourage you to be vocally supportive of your DC’s achievements, and positive about them mixing with people or going to places which typically make you uncomfortable. Don’t refuse a cup of tea at a friend’s parents house at pick up because they aren’t the kind of people you usually hang out with. Just be yourself and encourage your kids to do the same - there’s lots of lovely people out there (and lots of arseholes) in every income/class bracket.

(Also reading, cultural capital, music lessons if you can afford it or choir otherwise)