What improves social mobility for children? Is it extracurriculars, education, money?

[Downwarddog2]

At the moment social mobility is very low, UK is officially in a recession. What can make a difference to a child's chances of climbing the social ladder. DH & I are working class but aspire to so much more for the dc aged 12 & 10. How do we go about it.
I'd like them to feel very comfortable in upper middle class company & in a corporate job if that's where they end up. DH & I are very ill at ease when in middle class/umc company either through school parents or work. I don't want our dc to be the same.

They look down on working class people and do not even realise that they are demonstrating this in so many ways.
Sweeping generalisations are terrible aren't they??

Oh wait.....

For various reasons, my DS goes to a public school. Him and his 14yo mates know nothing about politics, wouldn't be seen dead in an art gallery and only read under significant duress. They are just ordinary little boys who like tiktok and gaming and pizza and vaping, although they do mostly like sport a lot.

What is going to make them into successful men is purely the expectation, assumption, of every single adult around them that that is how their lives will pan out. It's bred into the boys to expect that life and they follow the paths set out for them largely unwittingly.

I like the idea of drama/ acting classes. It will teach them so much about their own voices and give them confidence to stand and speak in front of their classmates and an audience. A choir is also a good idea.

Education - what schools are they currently in? Would they get into a competitive grammar school? Regardless, make sure they work to the best standard they're capable of, and encourage them to take their school performance seriously.

Sport - is there a tennis club or cricket or hockey club they could join? Any opportunities to participate in a more obscure sport like fencing?

Reading! Focus on British 20th century classics, especially anything with a hint of humour. That's advice for you and your H.
PG Wodehouse, Evelyn Waugh both wrote some funny books. Incorporate vocabulary and turns of phrase from books you read into your everyday speech.
Encourage the children to read too, obv. Chat with them about what they're reading. Push them to expand their taste and improve their level, but don't pooh pooh their choices. Your aim is to build their confidence, not make them feel 'less than'.

Don't fret about a certain level of bad behaviour or loudness on the part of the children. Respond as if you own whatever place you're in when they start being naughty. Don't act embarrassed. Don't dress up too much when you're going places.

Talk to the children, ask them their views, help them talk about their feelings, make them feel they're important. Do family fun - a movie night, skating together, long walks, video games.
Make sure their friends are welcome in your home, and talk to the friends too.

Don't pass on your own insecurities. Appreciate and pass on the great parts of your upbringing and culture. Make sure your children are proud of you and their wider family.

You and your H could join local groups and get used to dealing with all sorts of other people.
You could also volunteer somewhere as a family, and seek out ways you and the children can be leaders (organise a pick up rubbish day, organise a food bank collection, etc).

This might be controversial, but joining your local CoE congregation might be a good way to introduce the family to a wider social circle. It could also offer opportunities for volunteering.

@WASZPy yes, thank you for wording what I was trying to get at - that culture of aspiration is exactly it

joining your local CoE congregation might be a good way to introduce the family to a wider social circle

What?!

The answer is not teach your kids they have to pretend to be someone they're not, it is to give them the confidence to be who they really are.

YY to armed services cadets.

Also, try not to think in terms of "bettering yourself".

You are enough!!!!!

Be a loving, responsible parent fostering a strong connection with your children and you'll already be way ahead of many.

I agree - reading to them every single day

Yes agree.

@LightSwerve
They might well have religious leanings. They might not.

The church offers a cultural element that might be interesting to them as a family. Or not.

Whether it's your thing or not, Christianity provides a large part of the historical and cultural context of the UK, and quite a lot of literary references.

Yes exposure to the cultural things that you feel might help, especially in sport if they are boys because men do a lot of bonding/networking over sports

Do they?

My very socially confident Millennial DS isn’t interested in sport. Nor or any of his friends.

I'm not English, what's the difference between middle class and upper middle class?

Oh, Mn has a bee in its bonnet about class, despite a significant number of posters denying social class even exists in 2024, or who confuse structural inequality with class shibboleths like ‘pardon’ and ‘settee’.

It feels to me as if it’s overwhelmingly lower-middle on here, with all that implies about ‘bettering yourself’, uncritical ‘aspiration’, eternally looking sideways to see how well other people are doing, an obsession with private education as the key to social mobility, and a chronic social anxiety about extracurricular stuff and other people’s children ‘doing better’.

Hardly anyone goes to church, and average age of attendees rises every year in CofE.

It's a weird suggestion.

Extra tuition. Schooling just isn't enough these days, kids need to be in Saturday school too. My local tuition centre is oversubscribed, you go past and its full and not a single white child, they're all African origin, the demographic that is overarchieving locally.

Confidence. When speaking to adults, peers, strangers. Start by having proper conversations at dinner tables, discuss things like politics, international affairs, history, do debates.

Cultural enrichment. Museums, galleries, farms, outdoors.

Sports. Genuinely, everyone successful I know is sporty in some way. Sport exercises the body and the brain, and introduces you to people you'd never normally meet and gives confidence, body awareness and a healthy glow.

Confidence, culture- arts, music, history, theatre, dance etc, being comfortable in restaurants (not just McDonald’s!), extra curricular activities and travel.

Manners are a given!

Any what are your reasons for not doing any of this? I speak from experience here. This is about understanding people and they way they behave.

Education and a posh accent

I'm not English, what's the difference between middle class and upper middle class?

^^

You'll have to start a thread about this

It's never actually been discussed

WASZPy I don't mean this rudely, but having seen up close what a good public school provides, if that's really true then that one isn't providing a lot for it's kids.

The one I've seen up close also echo's "the expectation, assumption, of every single adult around them that that is how their lives will pan out. It's bred into the boys to expect that life and they follow the paths set out for them largely unwittingly."

And I totally agree it's a big part of things, but for the school, those unwitting paths include providing them with a serious standard of education as a norm, ensuring they have the grades to go to RG unis, an assumption that they will need a grasp of politics for their futures, and an attempt to humanely drain the automatic entitlement out of them, while keeping the assumptions of their futures in them. The 14 yr olds there, live and breathe cultural capital without even being aware of it's value or that everyone else doesn't have that.

Extra tuition. Schooling just isn't enough these days, kids need to be in Saturday school too. My local tuition centre is oversubscribed, you go past and its full and not a single white child, they're all African origin, the demographic that is overachieving locally.

Theyre over achieving academically but do you really think they’re going to be the decision makers of the future, taking up positions if influence and power in society? No. These roles are reserved for the truly, generationally privileged.

herewegoagainy · Today 15:38

Exactly. Or good manners.
The classism is rife. They look down on working class people and do not even realise that they are demonstrating this in so many ways.

I think this thread was nailed by the poster who said to become middle or upper class, you should buy a table to eat at! I’m still laughing at that entire post. Dirty working class people and their lack of tables and manners.

Sounds lovely but truly this will not work. Things like "what will be will be" and "it's in the stars" is nonsense. Everyone acts every day, however some people do it better than others.

Being happy, confident and successful in life and love will not be achieved by obsessing about 'learning how to act like middle class people'.

Bonkers.

This thread makes me feel ill🤢

Religion
Sport
Dinner tables ( can people not have conversations elsewhere)
Confidence

I prefer the misfits myself. So many cliches.