We bumped in to OW

[Loomy]

I posted a while back that I found out then DP had cheated. We subsequently broke up except 6 months later he wore me down and caught me at a low ebb and suggested we went for a walk. I agreed as I needed to get out the house. We were walking and ex suddenly said oh look at that dog etc to which I looked at the dog and then at his face puzzled as he hates dogs. Then to where he was looking, and a woman walked past with an elderly person and made a kind of goldfish action. Like she was going to speak to ex and didn’t, then to me and didn’t and carried on walking at which point ex start rambling about the dog in a high pitch voice and I just knew. I said that’s her isn’t it? He said yes and was laughing and acting all silly and weird.
Part of me wanted to run after her and out what they did in front of her mum and screaming how fucking dare you.
Instead I settled on swearing at ex until I reached my car whilst secretly wishing I wasn’t so passive and had yelled at her too!

@CKN is it OK to be an OW then?

MN is really strange about OWs and cheating husbands.

If someone is angry with the OW, they’re told the OW has done nothing wrong, it’s only their cheating husband they should be angry with.
If someone posts saying that they’re an OW, they’re ripped apart!

FFS... OP I'm just here to say you have every fucking right to be angry at someone who smugly ruined your life alongside a scumbag man and you're a bigger woman than me because I'd be kicking myself and messaging her abuse and probably embarrassing myself by now lol.

Bit far fetched, well a lot far fetched,,

Shatandfattered · Today 13:45

FFS... OP I'm just here to say you have every fucking right to be angry at someone who smugly ruined your life alongside a scumbag man and you're a bigger woman than me because I'd be kicking myself and messaging her abuse and probably embarrassing myself by now lol”

Yet she goes for a walk with the scumbag man who ruined her life …….

Why would you choose to make yourself look deranged and a potential knock on the door from police for harassment?

She went for a walk with the guy who betrayed her... The ow is a stranger so...

The perfect opportunity to say to him That’s just one reason why I’d never get back with you. I’m so much happier without you and I’ve realised there are so many other nicer men in the world. Goodbye.

Absolutely. She def did me a favour in a lot of ways too!

Messaging abuse to the OW would be a terrible idea.

@Andthereyougo thats exactly what I did say to him just perhaps with a few expletives thrown in

"He said yes and was laughing and acting all silly and weird"

This sentence tells you exactly why you should NOT get back with your ex husband/partner.

I’m surprised at all the “she isn’t to blame” posts. She knew he wasn’t single as OP said she knew about her

You did well to keep calm. I certainly wouldn’t have. I would have taken great pleasure of telling her what a piece of trash she was and the fact that her mum would overhear wouldn’t stop me.

Petty it may be but I don’t go with the OW is innocent view at all

Then say the same to him and say they are welcome to each other and walk off

That's not what I said at all.
I said do you also blame women who are raped/attached in a similar vein to women who sleep with married men. Is the women anyway responsible for the man's choices?
Or do you think maybe the man makes the decision entirely on his own in these examples?

I mentioned it because some people do blame the women in all of those instance for men's committing these acts. And you seem to direct all of your anger on her. When it's entirely the married man at fault here.

Why would you say that if getting back together wasn’t on the table? Why would seeing her cause you to say that, if you’d no thought of getting back with him?

do you have friends. A support network in real life?

Who has ever said that 'it's ok to be OW'? Nobody. Suits your narrative to spout that nonsense though by the looks of it.

OP has forgiven her cheating twat of a partner. The one who was supposed to be faithful to her. Nothing else to be said and no moral high ground to be gained by anybody.

@Loomy

Good for you for tearing him a new one. And good for you for keeping your dignity in public and NOT tearing the OW a new one!

I do think that BOTH people are to blame in an affair. Yes, the married/committed one has the lion's share since they are the one betraying. But the OM/OW bears some of the blame for accepting the 'attentions' of someone they know isn't free.

It's sort of like encouraging someone to steal something for your benefit, isn't it? You may not have taken whatever it was yourself, but you benefited from the theft. So to me it's about personal integrity, not simply about 'sisterhood'.

It's nothing at all like theft. You can't steal another person but, if you want to use your analogy, AcrossThePond55 then it would be be that OP's partner consciously took something precious belonging to the OP and himself and offered it to another person.

He actively chose to do that. He could have easily not done it, that's what should have happened.

He doesn't see himself as a possession (which is 100% correct) but he didn't share OP's values towards the relationship - and he wasn't honest with her about that. He shared himself with somebody else who doesn't/didn't hold these values either.

He sounds like an absolute moron though, from what OP has posted and she deserves so much better.

What are the odd of this happening? Is he still with OW and do you think k he knew she'd be there to deliberately bump into her for some strange reason

very high if they all live close enough to go to thr same place for a walk on a Sunday,

Well quite.

Why the rush to say OW bears no responsibility is annoying.

DH is to blame but the OW is hardly an innocent.

DH committed the crime but OW drove the getaway car

No, women aren't responsible for men's actions but they are responsible for their own.

And if they choose to enter a relationship with someone who they KNOW is married/in a partnership they're wrong too.

If they're lied to then that's an entirely different matter.

And I feel the same if you reverse the sexes above.

Why the rush to absolve the abuser? Anytime 'but' is used in a sentence negates whatever was said beforehand and here it is as usual, "Yes, he was wrong but, OW yada yada". Always the same and it's so pointless.

Nobody is saying the OW is right or is innocent but she is very much irrelevant because, if OP's partner was less of a selfish, feckless, unfaithful twat then none of this would have happened.

How difficult is it to NOT shag around when you're with somebody?

I'm not saying he is a possession, that's not what I was driving at.

I'm saying that in both situations someone is encouraging or abetting another person to do wrong and then benefiting from it themselves, which makes the 'encourager' at least partially to blame. So many posters say that the OM/OW isn't to blame and it's all on the committed person. It was my way of explaining why I feel that the OM/OW should share the blame, that they do bear some responsibility in accepting/encouraging the 'attentions' of a married/committed person.

But, yes, he's a moron and OP does deserve much better!

Since she slept with your husband, I personally think she deserves to get a mouthful from you, whether with her mother or not! Actions have consequences and if she doesn't want to get yelled at in public, she ought to behave better!

I don't like this thing of the woman owing you nothing - yes, undeniably this is the husband's fault. But people owe each other common human decency and shagging a person you know is married, is skanky behaviour. People who go this aren't blameless just because they aren't married!

Obviously not but the OW did not have a history or a relationship with the OP.

I’ve been there and like OP felt a rage against the OW but then realised that the OW did not betray me, he did.

Sounds like the classic case of “My wife doesn’t understand me”……….