We bumped in to OW

[Loomy]

I posted a while back that I found out then DP had cheated. We subsequently broke up except 6 months later he wore me down and caught me at a low ebb and suggested we went for a walk. I agreed as I needed to get out the house. We were walking and ex suddenly said oh look at that dog etc to which I looked at the dog and then at his face puzzled as he hates dogs. Then to where he was looking, and a woman walked past with an elderly person and made a kind of goldfish action. Like she was going to speak to ex and didn’t, then to me and didn’t and carried on walking at which point ex start rambling about the dog in a high pitch voice and I just knew. I said that’s her isn’t it? He said yes and was laughing and acting all silly and weird.
Part of me wanted to run after her and out what they did in front of her mum and screaming how fucking dare you.
Instead I settled on swearing at ex until I reached my car whilst secretly wishing I wasn’t so passive and had yelled at her too!

He knifed you.

No I wasn’t hoping to get back with him. I was hoping we could have a nice afternoon and pass away a few hours of humdrum. I certainly did that!
Even before we bumped in to her, about an hour, the conversation was stilted and I couldn’t help throwing the digs in. I realised before then it was a mistake and was heading back to the car when she/we walked past.

@Getthethrowonthesofa I know he did. I’m not sure what made you think I didn’t. I’m just answering questions. Like I said for the past 6 months the responsibility has been directed squarely at him and still was despite me coming face to face with her.

This is a clear sign from the universe, do not entertain thoughts of being “friends” with him. There is nothing here for you, good bye and good riddance to him!

Understandable you’re angry with them both and I agree that anyone who knowingly gets involved with someone in a relationship has some serious issues going on but none of that is now for you to worry about.

The line has been drawn, block his number and move on with your life. He is not your friend and has absolutely no need to be.

The OW did not take your ex away from you, he did that himself .
The OW did not have a relationship with you, your ex did.
The OW had zero commitments to you, your ex did.
The OW owes you nothing, she didn’t betray your trust. Stop beating yourself up over her, she’s not worth it and the only one hurting is you

@Greatscottshesgotit totally agree. Neither deserves anymore head space. I’ve enough other stuff going on without any further drama or time.

Those saying don’t be angry at her, she knew about me, she knew my DM died shortly before and she knew I had kids

Presumably your ex knew all these things too? He was the one with the responsibility to be faithful to you.

Of course I’m angry at her, for treating another woman like this. How are we ever going to stop men behaving like pigs if there’s women like this who would stick a knife in a random stranger for a quickie, and I mean a quickie!

Well, we could start by making men responsible for their behaviour and not expecting random women to police men’s behaviour. This bullshit is misogyny 101, women are responsible for men’s behaviour.

@CKN your right, she owed me nothing.
But a bit of common decency would have been nice.

Are they still together? Both their reactions indicate this to be the case, as it has been 6 months. It clearly wasn’t just some quickie. No one reacts like that to a quickie six months later.

I understand your anger, at seeing her. I don’t really get your desire to go for a nice afternoon out with him, he’s clearly hurt you badly and you’re not over it.

he isn’t your friend, use your actual friends for friendship he’s your ex. Aiming for civility and detachment is best, or you will never move on

Understandably you are angry with both at the moment. I don’t think that needs to be analysed in time you will deal with the hurt and betrayal of him it’s too painful right now anger is easier to deal with

this was your wake up call this would be your life she would always be in the background somewhere even if just in your thoughts

as painful as it was I think in time you will be glad this happened a coincidence that was meant to happen

best of luck you will be fine

and honestly not right now but one day you will laugh at his pathetic reaction and possibly be thankful it happened

“We” are not responsible for the behaviour of men.

She owed you nothing. Girl code is not a thing. Hold men accountable for their actions.

@sammylady37 of course my ex knew hence him getting the ear full and not her.
Also I’m fully aware how I phrased it as @Toadstool1985 kindly pointed it out.

@Getthethrowonthesofa they might be, no idea. Don’t care tbf. I’m not with him so not bothered if they are now. I’m only bothered about what they both did to me back in August last year and even then, now I’ve slept on it I’m indifferent

I’m a bit old for ‘girl code’ but common decency towards each other would be nice.

I would prefer a cheater than a man who hates all dogs. He sounds a nasty piece of work to me. 😃

Yes you are hurting and have been betrayed but you won’t always feel like this. You will become stronger in time.

What often appears to be an ending is often a new beginning

It's fine to judge her moral compass for sleeping with your husband. Judge away I say. I hope she felt ashamed of herself when she saw you, you don't need to say anything to her.

I think absolutely take this as a sign not to go back to him as well. Sorry this happened to you.x

But you wanted to give her the earful, to run after her and ask ‘how fucking dare you?’ in front of her mother…

"How are we ever going to stop men behaving like pigs"

It's not our job to teach men to stop behaving like pigs!!
Your anger is completely misdirected at her. Your husband cheated not her!
Also, you cannot change how a man behaves. Do you also believe women can ask to be raped/attacked by what they wear or how they act?
Your statement above and attitude to this women is completed misdirected and making me feel so angry.
Women are not responsible for how men to chose to behave.

Take some time to refect in single life, focus in yourself, your self confidence and if you want, try to meet someone who also has the confidence and self respect not to try meeting other women to strike their ego.
There ar plenty of men who don't feel the need to cheat.

@sammylady37 yes I did and I am honest about that because I am an honest person. I don’t claim to be perfect.

I’m hoping the goldfish impression was at her feeling some sort of remorse for her actions but I doubt it given she knew the full facts and did it anyway.

@Blankname22 getting a fucking grip. Raped/attacked. Fuck off with this bullshit.
You’d be angry at somebody who said something that wasn’t right than someone who went out of their way to hurt another person in one of the worst ways possible?
Lecturing me on misdirected anger whilst tearing a strip off me. Total hypocrite and unnecessary since I acknowledged it upthread twice already.
At least I only thought for a split second about directing my anger to OW. I didn’t actually say something to her. Unlike you who clearly goes round tearing other women down.

As said some quickie shag from months ago, no one reacts like they did. Clearly they didn’t expect to see the other.

i understand your anger, but really would it have been ok with you if he was cracking on to her, really trying to sleep with her, and she said no? Would that really have made a difference? For me it’s the intent. Sleeping with her, hitting on her, was a proactive decision he made.

yes hes tried to downplay it to save your feelings, but the fact remains, whether she said yes or no, he proactively decided to go there and fully intended to.

Well done for not yelling and swearing at her. Not that I think she hadn’t done anything wrong- although if he told her was single that’s on him, but because her /her mum/anyone else in the area would have thought you were the bad guy in this.

Remember that he has reeled you back in while you feeling low. If you don’t want to be with him start practicing say - No, end of.

Ok op, you’re now misdirecting on here.

have you had some therapy? To help you adjust to this and move on? Lashing out at everyone indicates you are really struggling. Yet yesterday you thought you could be friends with the man who caused all this pain and even went for a walk with him.

Only on Mumsnet are women never accountable for their actions. Yes, it was the ex’s fault and yes he deserves the anger; but anger is not a finite emotion, there can be anger at the ex and the OW too. The OW chose to do something that would cause great hurt to someone else. She is accountable for that. The ex is obviously accountable for the breaking of the trust, the ruining of the relationship and everything else