We bumped in to OW

[Loomy]

I posted a while back that I found out then DP had cheated. We subsequently broke up except 6 months later he wore me down and caught me at a low ebb and suggested we went for a walk. I agreed as I needed to get out the house. We were walking and ex suddenly said oh look at that dog etc to which I looked at the dog and then at his face puzzled as he hates dogs. Then to where he was looking, and a woman walked past with an elderly person and made a kind of goldfish action. Like she was going to speak to ex and didn’t, then to me and didn’t and carried on walking at which point ex start rambling about the dog in a high pitch voice and I just knew. I said that’s her isn’t it? He said yes and was laughing and acting all silly and weird.
Part of me wanted to run after her and out what they did in front of her mum and screaming how fucking dare you.
Instead I settled on swearing at ex until I reached my car whilst secretly wishing I wasn’t so passive and had yelled at her too!

Ment will only 'stop behaving like pigs' if they choose to.
Neither you, nor she, can control his actions. Only he can.
He isn't worth either of you. Throw him back.

Whilst I agree that there can be a theme on here of women not blaming other women, which annoys me to, in this instance he is to blame. Whether she said yes or no is not the point. As the full intent was there, and none of us know exactly what he told her.

You would have felt worse OP if you lost it with her.

You sound more dignified than that.

You tried. You tried to be civil and friends with a cheat but he's clearly not your sort of person on the whole.

You believing, and I agree, if women had more respect for other women that they just don't entertain a cheating knobhead and told the partner "yeah he tried to cheat with me" etc, it would up everyone's game and the world would be an easier place.

But he isn't like you. He is happy to betray a partner.

So find some people who aren't knobs to walk with

In the end you are just too different.

DP? He’s just a crap boyfriend. Should be a crap ex boyfriend. Move on.

Totally agree OP. I agree the other woman owes you nothing, but they knowingly facilitate someone hurting their partner. What kind of person does that?

I think these women lack self esteem/ are needy if they need validation from shagging a married man. They need to understand that a bloke who behaves in this way is a sack of shit who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. That would give me the ick.

@Getthethrowonthesofa I need therapy because someone compared my comment to be raped and attacked? and I called them out on their bullshit.
Ok then. It’s a shame because I agreed with most of what you said until this point.

And so did the other woman.

@54isanopendoor totally agree. Phrased that complete wrong and was thinking more along the lines of calling men out on their poor behaviour and not enabling it further.
Both behaved shitty. One clearly much more than the other.

Whilst I agree that there can be a theme on here of women not blaming other women, which annoys me to, in this instance he is to blame. Whether she said yes or no is not the point. As the full intent was there, and none of us know exactly what he told her

But I know what I told her

Yes you’ve said that twice, you mean you knew her before, and told her before she slept with him? As I can’t see how it ties to you asking him if that was her ? The point I’m making is you don’t know what he told her to get her to sleep with him. Are you saying you knew her before? After is irrelevant, it’s done.

I saw my now ex ow in a car park once with her dh. I didn't confront her, but by god I used to wish I had. I would spend hours making up scenarios where I confidently went up to her and said x y and z. But I didn't and now I'm several years post divorce I'm glad I kept the moral high ground and said nothing. Who knows how it would have played out if I'd confronted her in front of her dh. Probably nothing like I'd want it to.

She actually said then DP so she was referring to him in past tense

If you think the ow lack self-esteem because they shag such a man, what do you think about the partners who keep/chase/take back such men?

“How are we ever going to stop men behaving like pigs?”

by literally holding MEN accountable for their actions. That’s how. By stopping this nonsense where we some how believe they cannot control their own penis.

This is definitely a sign from the universe to move on OP!!!

It's good it happened, in a way. He was wearing you down, but that sign has shown you not to go there!

I think it's easy to say it's not the other woman's responsibility in theory. However when it happens it is only human to feel angry when they knew of you and your children. Op has already said she left her husband at the time so clearly she hasn't put all blame on the other woman.

Exactly my point explained much better than me.

Op, I think you are still in love with him. So redirecting your anger at her and not him.
Someone said above that your anger is not finite and can be at both, but really, going for walks with him, spending time with him (as stated by you) is not anger with him. Sounds like you wanted to forgive and forget.
Try to remember what happened here.
He cheated not her. She is nothing to you.
You have history with him. Maybe you feel you invested so much in this relationship now to lose it seems a waste, but he is the one who made the dicision to cheat. Don't forget that.

I did confront the OW and during the diatribe realised my anger was being directed at the wrong person. We are responsible for our own relationships - and my ExH was the only one for having an affair.

I’m assuming you were never unfaithful to your DH? If so is that because other men turned down your proposals and flirtations or because you wouldn’t have dreamt being unfaithful with him with anyone?

If not that woman it could and probably would have been someone else. The fault lies with your DH. Shouting at her in front of an elderly person would not have done you any favours so it’s good you focused your anger on him.

This was a powerful sign from the universe. Do not go back to him. You deserve so much better.

Those saying don’t be angry at her, she knew about me, she knew my DM died shortly before and she knew I had kids. Of course I’m angry at her, for treating another woman like this. How are we ever going to stop men behaving like pigs if there’s women like this who would stick a knife in a random stranger for a quickie, and I mean a quickie!”

By not going for walks with them after they’ve betrayed you? Your anger is directed at the wrong person.

It was the universe or a guardian angel saying Remember what this asshole is capable of and all the hurt he has caused you. I would be thanking the heavens for that reminder

Those saying don’t be angry at her, she knew about me, she knew my DM died shortly before and she knew I had kids. Of course I’m angry at her, for treating another woman like this. How are we ever going to stop men behaving like pigs if there’s women like this who would stick a knife in a random stranger for a quickie, and I mean a quickie!”

It is not her life path to protect or warn you about what a dick this guy is. She is clearly, or was, figuring that out for herself. I've told women about men's behaviour before and although I always advocate it as the right thing to do (I am not one to protect a man who leaves his arse hanging out!) it is thankless and not her job. He is the one who owed you something, loyalty. Not her.

He's your ex, so it doesn't really matter if it was planned or nor? You need to move on, cut contact and get on with your life. You have agency in this, you have choices. Block and ignore, it really is as simple as that. Yes, it hurts but so does being in a relationship with a cheat.

Presumably you hadn't been taken and plonked in front of your ex's new partner by your ex though?

Which is 100% what happened to the OP.

I'll go for them having had a bit or a row, him stamping his feet and saying "I'll go back to my ex" and then asking the OP to go for a walk in exactly the place he knows his new partner goes with her mum for a walk.