Things that (irrationally) annoy you when staying at other people’s homes

[NameName2023]

Currently staying at my MIL’s house for a couple of days and three things have irritated me and I need to get over it:

1. bed - actually applies to both my SIL and MIL. Both of their spare rooms are huge, ridiculously so. Yet they only have double/kingsize beds when there is easily enough room for a super king. This is probably my issue though as we have a super king at home so I’m used to the space, rather than having to squeeze in with my 6’5”, rugby built husband.
2. Drinks - not once have they offered anything. I’ve offered to make tea if I’ve made myself one. Also, they’ll only offer alcoholic drinks if DH is in the room (DH was getting toddler down for bed, he came in to top up the milk bottle and FIL offered him a drink, despite me being sat there without one. It’s like women can only be offered a drink once the men have!).
3. lunch - literally nothing in the fridge for lunch today. They knew they had guests but obviously didn’t think to get food in to make sandwiches or anything. I’m breastfeeding our baby and bloody hungry. I was offered a very nutritious breakfast of Rice Krispies and thats all I’ve been offered today. DH and I are going to the supermarket later. Going to stock up on snacks.

I guess some of it is my issue but it’s just really annoyed me. I just want to be back home!

I do find the ops request for a super king a little odd. I sleep in a super king. The spare room beds are doubles. Yes they could take a super king, but it wouldn’t even cross my mind to provide that, nor would it piss me off I didn’t get one when staying with friends or family.

and maybe they aren’t offering her booze as she’s breastfeeding.and so wait until all together.

@LolaSmiles to be fair the thread does say things that irrationally annoy you!
That's true, and lots of the posts are just that (and some examples that aren't irrational like sleeping on bare mattresses and not being fed) but some say a lot about people's expectations when they visit places that these things would even feature in their minds.

It wouldn't cross my mind to expect any friends/family to have a spare room set up with a king size bed and it's own en suite, so it wouldn't irrationally annoy me that we didn't have our own hotel style guest suite. It would only be irrationally annoying if you were expecting someone to do that (like the PP who complained about the bed size and furniture because she decided the room was big enough).

Whereas the PP who was irrationally annoyed that their relative changed the bedframe so DH's feet can no longer stick out the end would fit the irrationally annoying category perfectly.

This had never occurred to me until we had a friend stay who very gently said “gosh aren’t all your mirrors hung high?”
I’ve now put freestanding mirrors in guest rooms 🤣

My parents used to switch off the internet at night. They have got better now!

The changing sheets between guests, that depends. If I am up then my sister then maybe that's okay to leave. Both of us can judge if sheets are gone for next sister or if for sone reason they need changing,

If either of us have had partners there too that's different. They would changed! (Or sheets changer and duvet put to one side if we are visiting again soon.)

Lack of side lamps annoy me most. Or a bedside table (for my glasses)

Haha - my DH is very tall and I am very short. He hung up a mirror when we moved into our house which I couldn't even see the top of my head in 😂

@LolaSmiles I think it might just be different interpretations

We have a king sized bed at home, I don't expect anyone to have one in their spare room but we are less comfortable in a double and I can't help but notice that and find it irritating. But I know it's irrational!

I just wrote out another long response and the page refreshed and I lost it all!

I think my irrational annoyance with the beds, is that the rooms are huge so there’s easily space and actually the rooms look a bit ridiculous because of the size of the beds.

I would never expect someone to put in a super king if there wasn’t t the space and you had to shuffle around the bed.

@saraclara dont feel bad about your forthcoming hosting. It’s just about making your guests feel welcome, ensure you have tea/coffee/drinks easily accessible and offer. In my opinion, offering is just basic hosting. Don’t feel you have to provide a full hotel experience.

Is the house lacking the super king where some older relatives live?

My elderly relatives found washing bedding for anything larger than a double too overwhelming - partly refusal to use a tumble dryer and insistence on ironing everything - so actually handling that size bedding was a big task.

I think it also explained the not washing bedding between guests when the bed had only been slept in for a couple of nights.

I think being irritated because they don't have a super king is the epitome of entitlement tbh. I've only ever seen one in an American hotel.
The food thing is lack of thought on their side so you need to pop out and get some bits.
Sorted.

My mother used to do this - ‘you’re wasting the best part of the day!’ Coupled with wanting me to be in bed by 10

The lack of food at both my mum and my sister's houses drives me insane. They both live 2-3 hours away from me so we're not just 'popping in'. Our visits are planned in advance so there's no excuse for the lack of food.

Before anyone says 'bring your own provisions'.. I do. And all are happily guzzled by them!! So. I feed them when they come to mine and feed them when I go to theirs.

I can't say anything to my mum. She takes competitive 'no eating' to a whole new level. I have been there on Christmas Day and there wasn't a chocolate or mince pie in the house... apparently she doesn't buy it 'in case people don't eat it and she gets left with it, and she doesn't want it!

But I did speak up to my sister. I told her she gets fed well at mine... and yet she proudly tells me about her empty fridge when I go to hers. It has improved slightly. I do now get an evening meal when I stay at hers. It's served so late I'm practically chewing my leg off by the time it arrives, but hey, it's a start.

Urgh I hate that phrase. As someone who has to get up really early for morning shifts I can say that it’s not the best part of the day if you still feel like a zombie.

That said it’s inconsiderate as a guest to still be in bed at 11.30am when your hosts have young children and have been up for 5 hours (excepting special circumstances like jet lag of course). We stopped hosting for non family members when one of my friends did this.

The in-laws used to bring their own bedlinen when they visited us, to save us the trouble of washing it. Managed to dissuade them after a few years.

@HesterRoon I do the match the corners at the top and botttom, hold the bottom corners and middle and then shake it like crazy

Thinking about it, the absolute mountain of a dad at school pick up is German, so you might be on to something there.

My in laws house is always very cold. Even in summer! We don't have to stay over as it's only an hour away but BIL and his GF came over to stay from Spain at New Year and FiL refused to put the heating on.

It was about 13-14 degrees in the house and bearing in mind they live in Spain they were absolutely frozen. FIL complained when they stayed in bed late / went to bed early but it was the only way they could warm up! FIL is very well off but just will not put on the heating. For anyone.

They're staying in a hotel next time.

@Meowandthen I agree with your last sentence. I've moved in so many different circles, know some very wealthy people and some who live hand to mouth-it doesn't seem to have any baring On how considerate they are of guests. I've been made very welcome and had very accommodating people to stay with from both categories, and the opposite.

Being told that the chair you are about to sit in is "their" chair, or a mug is "their" mug - message being don't sit there, and don't use that mug.
Not getting food in is weird - do they actually want you to stay?

This thread has reminded me why some cultures have a very clear etiquette when it comes to hosting guests. A happy medium is needed between the guests who quibble about the correct glasses and the hosts who won’t put the heating on or provide food, and we also need to recognise that not everyone is able to, or can afford, the full home-from-home experience.

When I go to my daughter's house to look after the kids and cook them lunch, there are hardly any pans. There is one crepe pan, a massive pan big enough for 15 people, and a tiny pan like a milk pan. What am I supposed to do with that??

Going to stay at my FILs is as uncomfortable and difficult as going camping. Both used to be fun but I prefer a hotel now I’m older.

This thread has reminded me why some cultures have a very clear etiquette when it comes to hosting guests. A happy medium is needed between the guests who quibble about the correct glasses and the hosts who won’t put the heating on or provide food, and we also need to recognise that not everyone is able to, or can afford, the full home-from-home experience.
Definitely agree with this.

There's really a happy medium of ensuring people are fed, watered and warm (assuming they're not someone who expects to sit indoors in a t shirt with the heating on) and providing the sort of hotel experience some people on this thread seem to expect.

What??
I wouldn’t even think of not providing towels/face cloth and I make sure there’s a bowl of miniature bottles of shampoo, conditioner, bath and shower gel, little bars of soap, make up remover etc.My guests are told to help themselves to food, drinks, fresh towels etc etc., the fridge is full and I want them to feel comfortable.

I'm amazed as a host you would not provide them.

For me the big thing is being too cold. I'm happy to adapt to another family's lifestyle, but beimg cold is a big no no in my book.