Things that (irrationally) annoy you when staying at other people’s homes

[NameName2023]

Currently staying at my MIL’s house for a couple of days and three things have irritated me and I need to get over it:

1. bed - actually applies to both my SIL and MIL. Both of their spare rooms are huge, ridiculously so. Yet they only have double/kingsize beds when there is easily enough room for a super king. This is probably my issue though as we have a super king at home so I’m used to the space, rather than having to squeeze in with my 6’5”, rugby built husband.
2. Drinks - not once have they offered anything. I’ve offered to make tea if I’ve made myself one. Also, they’ll only offer alcoholic drinks if DH is in the room (DH was getting toddler down for bed, he came in to top up the milk bottle and FIL offered him a drink, despite me being sat there without one. It’s like women can only be offered a drink once the men have!).
3. lunch - literally nothing in the fridge for lunch today. They knew they had guests but obviously didn’t think to get food in to make sandwiches or anything. I’m breastfeeding our baby and bloody hungry. I was offered a very nutritious breakfast of Rice Krispies and thats all I’ve been offered today. DH and I are going to the supermarket later. Going to stock up on snacks.

I guess some of it is my issue but it’s just really annoyed me. I just want to be back home!

I don't mind staying at other people's houses. I can generally cope with most things although I'd draw the line at pre-used sheets 🙁.

One thing that did irritate was a friend who used to come & stay fairly regularly. I live in a very old house, where few doorways are square and doors tend to creak. It doesn't bother me, I sleep soundly, and don't mind being woken up anyway.

After one visit I noticed there were dark marks on the carpets under some of the doors. On closer inspection, I found my guest had been around and oiled all the door hinges, leaving oil stains on the carpets. She hadn't thought to ask, just felt entitled to interfere.

I spent a weekend mopping oil out of the berber, and sponging away with washing up liquid. It seemed the height of bad manners to me.

Having stupid kettles that are pretty but not fit for purpose when you (MIL) make yourself about 8 cups of tea a day(decaf obviously).
Kettle 1 was a hob based whistling kettle that she spectacularly boiled dry.
Kettle 2 was a copper thing that scalded anyone who touched it.
Kettle 3, bought to match the toaster(that lives in an adjoining room, but that’s a side issue): weighed a ton, couldn’t see the water gauge behind the handle so you had to guess from the crippling weight if it was full or not.
Kettle 4 was a gift from us. £100, nice looking, not a health and safety nightmare. She broke that(🤨).
Current model is shaped like an old fashioned coffee pot with a curved spout so if you fill it to the max(about 2 mugs, there are 5 adults in the house),it splashes uncontrollably when pouring and burned DH.
I’m tempted to buy a Russell Hobbs to use when we visit.

We have a lovely spare room with a king size bed, clean bedding, hanging rail for clothes, large bedside tables with lights on and easily accessible plug sockets on either side of the bed.

No one stays in it as I hate overnight guests as much as I hate staying in other people's homes.

I don't have matching mugs or glasses soz. Sat drinking water out of my perfectly sized £1 asda hiball glass with hedgehogs on. Good job I don't socialize with millionaires eh.

Well when we moved we purchased them thinking they would be nice to have. Then have never used them 🤷🏻‍♀️ guess we are just not lamp people.

Nothing has ever annoyed me about staying at someone else house, I expect it will be uncomfortable as it's not my own bed so maybe that's why. I've also stayed with family since I was young, as well as travelled alot so used to sleeping in other places. The only thing I hate is needing to go to the toilet at night. I still remember staying at a family members and my partner needed to go to the loo in the middle of the night, the sounds echoed through the whole house, it was mortifying and I was wishing that everyone was asleep.

What? I’d be insulted if people-friends or family-brought their own towels! Surely it’s a basic to provide guests with a towel. What next? Bring your own bed linen?

I still have nightmares about staying with DP and his brother in his grandparent’s caravan when we were all late teens. Adults all stayed in big fancy manor home on site so us three got the van. Absolutely fine.
It was absolutely freezing, no working heating, no hot water for a shower, DP’s brother got assigned the double bed because there was 1 of him?? Where me and DP got the twin singles room ‘for 2’?
The only food available were 2 leftover Kit Kats in the fridge, for 3 of us, and a casserole that their aunt had made 2/3 days prior. Appreciated the gesture but casseroles make me want to hurl. No veg, no mash, no other ingredients either?
None of us could drive yet so I was stuck eating air all night after a full day of travelling there. Luckily I had a trusty bottle of coke with me but I’ve since learned to always travel with snacks!

Wow how do you change the bed linen? We have a king and we always bitch about changing the duvet cover even though there’s two of us😂

no mirror in the bedroom or near a plug point. So using straighteners or hairdryer isn’t easy.

I’m always surprised by folks who don’t have a mirror near a plug point, in my spare rooms I make sure there is, and also leave a spare hairdryer there.

Can't this one be easily solved by bringing a water bottle with you?

Enjoyed this thread. I think/hope some of it is a bit tongue in cheek though (e.g. all the right types of glasses). The people who visit us the most all have superking beds at home, and we have a standard double in our spare room, so wondering about that... (but also know and like them all enough that they'd feel comfortable moaning and I'd feel comfortable telling them we weren't a hotel and to suck it up!)
You get clean linen and a bedside lamp here, and we're well stocked with food and drink and encourage guests to help themselves. We're certainly popular for teenage sleepovers!
I'm mid-40s, and I and my peers are definitely all getting more set in our ways. My sister-in-law has a specific order she uses her cups in the morning (special first coffee cup, special first tea cup, special mid-morning latte cup etc). When we go and stay with her she has taken to hiding those cups and we have taken to trying to unearth them and use them out of order (this is all done quite openly and we all find it funny). But now I have started to use my cups at home in order too!

saraclara voices in the wilderness sounds about right.
Coming back to the thread I think what's clear is that some people confuse hospitality with maintaining their preferred lifestyle.

Not offering drinks and expecting people to hardly eat is poor hospitality, but most of this thread is people moaning that their friends and family aren't giving them a hotel-level experience.

This thread could be a MN classic with how many people seem to be very irritated that friends/family haven't spent the right amount of money on ensuring occasional guests have a large king size guest room, with en suite and all the trimmings.

P.s these people are wealthy. They own massive properties in London and take expensive holidays twice a year. They are tight! Very very very tight!

Me and my family are the complete opposite. We got all.put for our guests and make a banquet. And my family are not wealthy at all. Parents worker in a factory all their life.

Everything.

I don't stay in other peoples homes. Even the ones who meet the great host criteria. I weirdly feel like a prisoner. If I wake at 3am and want a drink/put the TV on - despite the fact I would rarely if ever do this it home - the fact that I can't makes me feel claustrophobic and trapped. Very odd, I know!

Agree I dont have high demands. But water and food and an actual bed to sleep on is basic. Especially people who live in 1million pound houses. And have the money. They don't live in poverty.

I travel abroad to visit family who do pive in poverty and they still do their best when we visit.

Everything. Hence why I never stay with other people.

Take a water bottle?

Febreze’d sheets.

This! I’m afraid I just don’t believe they heard you opening a water bottle and drinking in the middle of the night, unless your MIL was actually in bed with you.

@LolaSmiles to be fair the thread does say things that irrationally annoy you!

My parents have a clock radio that comes on at 6.30 every day at a high volume. They will also appear with a coffee at about 6.45. I can cope with it though, as in every other way they are generous and thoughtful hosts.

Visiting my ILs was a bit more stressful though. DH and I would sleep on an airbed in their living room which had no door. MIL would fuss about at bedtime offering advice about making up the bed and stand around watching us or would start a random conversation whilst I'm desperate to get to bed. Then, in the morning, would hover about by the door-less door frame chatting to the dogs in a loud stage whisper.

They would also occasionally leave their radio on all night with their bedroom door open. DH would never let me close their door because "it would be rude".

I loved staying at my PILs. Often there'd be the four of us, my SIL, her DH and kids, and an auntie too. PILs would insist that we and SIL had the double rooms and auntie the single, while they bedded down with the four kids downstairs, on a roll up mattress and every chair cushion in the house. One bathroom for is all.

Lots of things that people on here hate, applied. We had a ball. I'd not change a thing.

A lot of this is income and life stage dependent though.

It wouldn't occur to me to provide a super king bed as I've never slept in one! We wouldn't have room for one in our house, even in the biggest bedroom! Similarly we don't have an en suite ourselves and it seems over the top to expect one for guests(!) but I would expect a conversation if someone needs to use the bathroom by a certain time in the morning (I'm looking at you BIL!) eg family member still needing to get to work whilst guests are staying.

I wouldn't be at all bothered about sleeping under a Peppa Pig duvet. I object to sleeping in bedding not washed since someone else used it (DM I'm looking at you!).

Towels I don't care if bath towel or bath sheet but it's helpful to be offered both a bigger towel and a hand towel. And clean ones!! And somewhere to put them once wet eg a rail on the radiator if there isn't room in the bathroom.

I couldn't care less what glasses you have in your house. But I do like to know where those and the mugs, teabags etc are and to be invited to help myself.

Eating times - when we have guests I have a conversation about what time we usually eat and check whether that will affect them (eg if guest has a young child or medical condition). Kind of "I was planning to do a big roast dinner for about 6pm, does that work for you?" type approach.

It wouldn't occur to me to want hanging space or somewhere to put clothes away whilst staying. Who has space for that?! But access to a plug socket yes!

I'm now wondering if any of our guests have secretly fretted over our lack of sparkling clean glasses for every occasion, and the indignity of not having a bedroom bin - to be fair I do see the point of that and might get one. We do off course offer food and drinks, clean the bedding after every visit and provide towels and a bedside lamp. The curtains are thick as I prefer the light blocked out, I'm not keen on thin curtains as I wake up too early but I just bring my eye mask with me so it's never a problem.

Our house is not a show home, if we have spare money we prefer to spend it on holidays (me) or cars (DH), we also have a large dog who brings his own odour with him. People have commented though on how relaxed and homey our house is, which I think is subtext for lived in and not show home pristine.

My view is that people are getting a free room in one of the UKs most expensive and popular cities. Obviously they are friends visiting so we make sure it's as comfortable as it can be, but if people expect hotel standards then they should stay in one. I know I'd rather do that these days as the £40 for a Premier Inn is so worth it for our comfort.

Oh and one guest - a friend of a friend - commented on the children's bedspread pattern in the room he was in. I thought that was incredibly ill mannered, provided the bedding is clean then duty discharged surely.

But I'm one of these people who doesn't get decorating and nik naks, clean and serviceable is where I'm at.