Anyone still suffering lockdown fallout?

[EmmaEmerald]

I don’t want to tag any of the original people who helped me out a lot as I know this thread will attract a lot of nasty folk

but every so often I feel absolutely in shock still at how the fallout goes on.

suppose I’m seeking reassurance it won’t be like this forever but it might be, I guess.

This

One change for me has been a real concern about the extent of police powers and the importance of scrutiny of laws. I used to think that the majority of officers were decent and sensible and that they would uphold the law in a reasonable way. However, the appalling way the Covid laws were applied by the police (both to prosecute people and to intimidate them for doing perfectly legal things) and magistrates courts was a huge eye opener. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/coronavirus-act-prosecutions-wrongful-cps-review-b1847194.html

The whole world is still suffering from it.

For a lot of us it’s because we have moved on and covid doesn’t really feature in our lives anymore.

Lockdown was horrible for me for many reasons including having my first DC in lockdown. We’ve now moved on and live life to the full, I rarely think of covid now.

I don’t understand though why you now having children means that you can’t get back to normal?

I was a nurse during the pandemic. I really struggled seeing young people die. I struggled knowing they’d never have children or be leaving children behind. I think about those people everyday.
My life changed as my partner had a breakdown and ramped up his domestic abuse of me, he’d always been controlling but this was torture he became convinced I was possessed by the devil and I had to tip toe round him constantly. I didn’t get a school place and nursery shut down so I was trying to work and home educate whilst looking after a tot.
I learnt a lot about how incredible my children are. They are two of the most resilient ,remarkable people I know.

I feel like im only just over it. I didn’t have any human physical touch for 6 months. Was at home and not in anyone bubbles as they all had someone else. While I wouldn’t call it a dramatic event it certain left it mark. You can’t talk to anyone about it as people tend to roll their eyes at you.

Even now I can’t stand watching people kiss on TV makes my skin crawl. Sex is fine which is the strange part but I associate kissing as to germy. Not had chance to kiss anyone in that way so can’t see if it’s real life or just TV.

OP you’re struggling, whatever your reasons for struggling no one has the right to tell you you’re wrong for it. I’m still struggling post lockdown, I’m an anxious, depressed mess and I don’t know how to fix my life.

What you’re experiencing is valid. It almost sounds like you’re experiencing grief, if you’ve not already explored that perspective it might be worth it?

Lockdown didn’t have a huge impact on me but I totally get how it has had a huge impact on a lot of people and that the issues are ongoing, especially with young people.

As someone who’s on the spectrum (and my dc on the spectrum) not that much changed for us, life had always been pretty enclosed and lonely, have dc on the spectrum often means we don’t go out and we don’t socialise much with others. For us lockdown just made everyone’s lives similar to our own. Having dc home was hard at first but after a while it became much easier, I didn’t have to deal with schools or DC’s issues with education. We were able to go on holiday in the 2nd lockdown as we are lucky to have a Campervan, and for once nowhere was busy and my dc could cope and enjoy peace whist being away.

I do see the long term effects of lockdown everywhere, I see kids struggling with social skills, I see people going out less and I see people who are still scared of catching covid. Lots of people have not recovered from what was a crazy 2 years of being told what we could or couldn’t do, being told when we can go out, when we can go shopping and how long we can be out for. Looking back on it seems crazy, like it wasn’t real. I feel for anyone who’s still effected by it and I think many people are even if they don’t admit it.

I was a nurse during the pandemic. I really struggled seeing young people die. I struggled knowing they’d never have children or be leaving children behind

It’s obviously awful for anyone to die like that especially younger people but I find it interesting the focus on them not leaving children behind? Many of them may have chosen not to have children anyway.

Personally I think it’s more sad a young person having their life cut short and not being able to do a range of things they might have wanted to do.

I do get it’s something people traditionally have said , but in this day and age it’s worth saying there is definitely way more to life than leaving children behind. And in fact dying young with a child left behind would probably be worse really when you think about it?

My mum , mother of 3 kids, has lived a difficult and often bleak life. My Aunt who is child free and nearly 90 has lived a much fuller and richer life.

Not me personally but I’ve seen my husband develop OCD which I think is pretty debilitating he spends ages checking stuff, cleaning etc.

He’s also developed health anxiety.

Yes, inflation is having an impact (caused by printing money). No dentists anymore. Have almost lost the weight I put on - probably due to depression, injury or just not being as active. When you are permanenty hoping on trains and rushing around London, you keep really fit. Don't trust goverments anymore. So, don't feel part of the 'social contract'. Pay tax but don't really want anything from them anymore.

DD2 emotionally has got back to where she was (which was never the greatest position) - but that child has the bounce back of a bouncy ball on a trampoline and her resilience terrifies me. For the record - this is the child who stopped sleeping and eating in lockdown because she had "too much sad in her brain", lost a lot of her speech - and the MN crowd told me chirpily that it was an "opportunity for her to learn some resilience". Academically she's slid and not made the lost ground back - she lost a really really good year 2 setup with support for SEN, went into a year 3 with a teacher who didn't think schools should be re-opened and wouldn't go near the kids without a portable perspex screen, visor and face mask on (I'm sadly not joking) and even with us putting in loads of input at home - I don't think she's going to go up to secondary working at a level she's capable of.

DD1 has fared better - her cynicism and intolerance of politicians and ability to translate out of politician bullshit improved no end, although she's now stopped her plan to form a political party with the manifesto aim of flushing Boris Johnson down the toilet and reopening schools. She got her full transition to secondary school thankfully because she would have really really floundered with the messed up ones the kids who transitioned in covid times got.

Workwise we still see MASSIVE fall out. Clients who transitioned into adult services during the pandemic so there was poor follow up, behaviours that developed during lockdowns that are still causing issues now and so much trauma among families who have loved ones in group homes who were unable to see them during periods - some of the stories are absolutely heartbreaking. Add in the staff who left the care sector over the way they were treated during the pandemic as well which has fucked up social care more than it already was and it's a bloody mess to put it technically. We're now at the point thankfully where we don't have homes doing the lockdown outbreak Hokey Cokey anymore - because that was really negatively impacting their residents' behaviour as well - that went on a very very long time where suddenly residents would find they were all restricted back to rooms again, or visitors were stopped and masks were back - and for people who rely on their routines to process their day, that's a bloody massive thing to process.

Same here. During and since Covid we've lost a couple of people extremely close to us (not Covid related) and it's made us realise life could be over in an instant. I want to enjoy life to the full while I still can. For us, life's too short not to.
Regarding people not really talking about it so much anymore, I think everyone is generally just bored of talking about it. It took over our lives for months and months and now everyone just wants to move on and discuss something else rather than rehashing Covid over and over again.

@Curlywerly i only thought like that because I had a really little child at that time. Often when I rang parents to break bad news they’d say but she/he never got to have children. There’s something that goes against nature to bury a child.
Completely understand you’d find the perspective odd, I do sometimes looking back on it.

My daughter’s mental health has suffered, despite doing everything we could to keep normality and using the interpretation of rules and behaviours modelled by our leaders.

I find a lot of people have ‘forgotten’ a lot of what went on, it’s probably a form of self protection. If I force myself to remember it feels like a horrible bad dream. I will always remember walking through the city streets, seeing the orange/red fear mongering posters, and feeling like it was the set of an apocalyptic movie. And on country walks, people literally diving into hedges to avoid coming within a few feet of another person.

On the positive side, I saw how the NHS could work, in and out if A&E in less than 45 minutes for a minor broken bone as everyone else was too afraid to go.

@Singlespies ’dont feel part of the social contract’. That is such a good way of putting how we feel as a family. Thank you!

Ds2 nearly died from an overdose during lockdown and I wasn't allowed to visit him in hospital. He was 12. Ds4 has had a lot of delays with his medical treatment as well. We have been waiting over 2 years for him to have an operation that we knew he would need at around this age since he was born.

My Dad died just before lockdowns began. My poor Mum had to endure being locked at home alone with her grief and loneliness 😔

Not sure what you mean by lockdown fall out, but yes i feel my life has been impacted negatively by them?

My teen had/has ROGD/anxiety/ASD/ADHD/self-harming and spiralled without access to CAMHS/therapy during that period which has made the last few years utter hell. Youngest also diagnosed as ASD in that time and had a hellish year 8 on his return as the kids were all practically feral at this point and he was bullied for a year. I also went through the menopause during lockdown (had covid badly early on and should have been hospitalised, then broke my foot…🤦🏽‍♀️), gained weight, developed depression (probably natural give the above stuff).

We lost a best friend/godparent to kids due to brain cancer diagnosed at the start and were only able to see him twice after we came out of the final lockdown, just before he died. Lost touch with most of my local social friends - busy with similar crap with their teens and getting them back on track with GCSEs, many worked from home and have now returned to the office or increased hours due to CoL issues and need for more money, a couple moved away to be closer to family… so yes, I am fricking lonely and trying not to put upon the two or three really lovely close friends who’ve been my rocks during this time.

Have tried returning to education (getting a job myself is impossible after 15 years at home as a carer of SEN kids) and met lovely ‘kids’ on my MA but noone my own age; similar with PhD which is very lonely and home based. Just joined rock choir where most people are 15-20 years older than me… no idea how to reconnect and ‘rebuild’ either. On the brink of joining the local, less trendy gym in the hope that I might meet people doing spin class and pilates that are under 70. Am not fond of the gym, but it will tie me over until the adult ed classes start in September (Parla italiano, anyone?) I might even go back and help at Brownies/Scouts despite my kids not being involved anymore.

I’m not sure this helps… but, yes, as far as I can see, the fall-out remains considerable.

It seems like a bad dream. For me the first one was a mixture of aching isolation and loneliness and an increasing incredulity at what was happening, but also there was a feeling of "look around and take a breath because this will never happen again". The quiet unfolding of spring seemed miraculous. The second one was a kind of bleak trudge through the endless winter, full of dull rage and increasing frustration. I don't trust anyone any more, including my extended family. When it comes to it, people close ranks. For people who live on their own, this is a really hard realisation. I've put it in a box and thought "it's over", but then I look around at the things that have become normal and think "yeah lockdown was a fucking disaster". The state of people's health, the state of the NHS, the state of the economy. Add in Brexit - what a calamity. I don't think we'll recover.

Yes, definitely still feeling the long term fallout, mostly in terms of finances. We were lucky to not lose anyone close to us, but it changed my parents who now rarely go out (they are in their 80’s).

It did have a positive impact for me personally in terms of making me focus more on my health. My work life became extremely busy and high pressured during lockdown, so I have to make big changes to my lifestyle to survive. Losing 5.5 stone and gaining back my fitness, along with giving up alcohol has made me realise how terrible my habits had become. I’ll never go back to living that way again.

@Overthebow for some reason I can't quote you but what I mean is that I had my kids during lockdown/ restrictions. So my normal has changed quite significantly, which would have happened anyway of course.

I'm definitely still feeling the effects of lockdown. Due to the disparity of government support offered to small businesses, I got nothing and after trying to make it work for a couple of years, ended up having to close down my 8 year old business with a loss of around £100k. It was absolutely devastating and I grieved the loss for a long time - it had been my whole life for so long and then it became this toxic thing that almost caused me and my family to lose everything.

Sending hugs OP x

Are there any Meetup groups in your area? They can be a great way to meet people who fit with. There are often groups based on shared interests e.g. cinema visits, meals out, country walks or groups based on experiences like groups for widows/widowers or parents of young children.

The other thing withe Meetup is you can start your own group.

It might be worth having a look.

We lost a family member to covid and another was paralysed following a stroke due to covid. The shock of this means our family has lost the glue that held us all together and we've all drifted apart and no longer spend time together. Whilst I appreciated wfh and the quiet of lockdown I think social bonds have lessened for sure. It all felt a bit like a cross between 1984 and Lord of the Flies. Very little "wartime spirit", except for a few helpful neighbours.
Everyone now is more selfish as the shock of those times makes repairing family, friends and work bonds feel a huge effort. It's made me reevaluate who is important to me, lift me up and bring joy, and which relationships I'm letting drift.