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Why is dating so bloody draining nowadays?

49 replies

Rainraingoawayrain · 08/02/2024 16:46

Match with a guy on hinge
Have a good conversation
Move to WhatsApp
He asks if I want to go for a drink
I say yes

…. then, silence

This happens to me all of the time and quite frankly I am just sick of it.

I don’t even know why I care so much. I just can’t stand the hot / cold and going from being chatty and nice and keen to being ignored.

OP posts:
Rainraingoawayrain · 08/02/2024 16:59

Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
Rainraingoawayrain · 08/02/2024 17:10

Anyone….?

OP posts:
Naptrappedmummy · 08/02/2024 17:13

Gosh OP even being ghosted on here 😜 jokes aside my friends (all objectively attractive and lovely women) all have the same experiences, it’s not you, it’s the beast that dating apps turn men into…

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Rainraingoawayrain · 08/02/2024 17:15

😂😂

this guy was telling me how great it would be to do something bla bla bla and now just nothing…. it’s awful!

OP posts:
User135644 · 08/02/2024 17:15

The attractive men have the pick of the women on there, so they're drowning in options.

RosieAway · 08/02/2024 17:18

It’s not just the attractive ones! I’ve given a few a chance I probably wouldn’t have IRL. They also seem to be awash in options 😩

Rainraingoawayrain · 08/02/2024 17:21

@RosieAway yep, agreed.

OP posts:
RosieAway · 08/02/2024 17:26

@Rainraingoawayrain one admitted to me that he uses OLD as a form of validation with no intention of getting into anything serious. So they have porn and then this sort of validation without actually having to DO anything. Sad. Am sure if you’re willing to play the numbers game the few decent ones might be unearthed. Real life a definite better bet though

Hereyoume · 08/02/2024 17:43

I think a lot of it is our own fault.

Not flying any particular flag here, but, there has been a lot of itching and criticism of men over the last decade or so, particularly in the media. Comedians even make perfectly accepted "jokes" about the casual coercive and controlling behaviour of women towards their partners. I'm thinking in particular of all the TicTok channels about the clichéd "married couple" wherw the Wife is in control and the Husband is nothing more than the punchline in whatever the joke of the day is.

You know the whole "Oh look how angry I get when the waitress flirts with my husband", or "Watch me show my Husband how to properly clean the house/look after the kids/pick up his clothes/teach him to not look at other women" etc.

I think the result is men turning away from "traditional" relationships and choosing to not get married, have kids, live with women. So it leaves a very small pool of genuinely interested guys. The rest just mess around, they have no desire to get into a serious relationship because we basically mock them and everything they do.

So why would they?

They have the pick of the women on OLD because if they show the slightest interest, they know there are women who will give them what they want. Which is mostly just sex, but I think quite a lot of women are hoping that "just sex" might lead to "relationship and kids" so they fo with it.

It's like picking your favourite chocolate in a whole shop full of the stuff, there's always a nicer bar on the other shelf.

RosaBaby2 · 08/02/2024 18:04

Oh yes it's so shit! I've had enough so I deleted all my profiles.

LlynTegid · 08/02/2024 18:19

Men who want to mess women about have a role model (well several if you also count a number of Premier League footballers or former ones, Kyle Walker is the latest to be found out). He has blonde hair and has described having 'buyers remorse' about his latest wife/victim.

TheInfusionist · 08/02/2024 18:26

Hereyoume · 08/02/2024 17:43

I think a lot of it is our own fault.

Not flying any particular flag here, but, there has been a lot of itching and criticism of men over the last decade or so, particularly in the media. Comedians even make perfectly accepted "jokes" about the casual coercive and controlling behaviour of women towards their partners. I'm thinking in particular of all the TicTok channels about the clichéd "married couple" wherw the Wife is in control and the Husband is nothing more than the punchline in whatever the joke of the day is.

You know the whole "Oh look how angry I get when the waitress flirts with my husband", or "Watch me show my Husband how to properly clean the house/look after the kids/pick up his clothes/teach him to not look at other women" etc.

I think the result is men turning away from "traditional" relationships and choosing to not get married, have kids, live with women. So it leaves a very small pool of genuinely interested guys. The rest just mess around, they have no desire to get into a serious relationship because we basically mock them and everything they do.

So why would they?

They have the pick of the women on OLD because if they show the slightest interest, they know there are women who will give them what they want. Which is mostly just sex, but I think quite a lot of women are hoping that "just sex" might lead to "relationship and kids" so they fo with it.

It's like picking your favourite chocolate in a whole shop full of the stuff, there's always a nicer bar on the other shelf.

Dear lord...

shellyleppard · 08/02/2024 18:30

Op....yep me too. Was chatting with a guy on dating site. He asked if I wanted to chat on Whatsapp. Next message is the inevitable dick pic 😳😳 I'm 55, see one dick I've seen em all 😂😂

localnotail · 08/02/2024 18:35

Hereyoume · 08/02/2024 17:43

I think a lot of it is our own fault.

Not flying any particular flag here, but, there has been a lot of itching and criticism of men over the last decade or so, particularly in the media. Comedians even make perfectly accepted "jokes" about the casual coercive and controlling behaviour of women towards their partners. I'm thinking in particular of all the TicTok channels about the clichéd "married couple" wherw the Wife is in control and the Husband is nothing more than the punchline in whatever the joke of the day is.

You know the whole "Oh look how angry I get when the waitress flirts with my husband", or "Watch me show my Husband how to properly clean the house/look after the kids/pick up his clothes/teach him to not look at other women" etc.

I think the result is men turning away from "traditional" relationships and choosing to not get married, have kids, live with women. So it leaves a very small pool of genuinely interested guys. The rest just mess around, they have no desire to get into a serious relationship because we basically mock them and everything they do.

So why would they?

They have the pick of the women on OLD because if they show the slightest interest, they know there are women who will give them what they want. Which is mostly just sex, but I think quite a lot of women are hoping that "just sex" might lead to "relationship and kids" so they fo with it.

It's like picking your favourite chocolate in a whole shop full of the stuff, there's always a nicer bar on the other shelf.

OMG what is this crap!! Read this back to yourself and wonder how ridiculous you sound.

Poor wee men, they have been mocked on tik tok and now want nothing to do with scary evil wimmin and would rather wank and live alone.

sleepyjar · 08/02/2024 18:36

Agreeing with @RosieAway
It doesn't sound like this sort of person is seriously looking to date so doesn't go through with it, and go silent, once they've achieved their aim of getting a date/validation.

LilBus · 08/02/2024 18:37

Talking to loads of other women probably

im just jealous others get the chance to date haven’t dated in years

sleepyjar · 08/02/2024 18:38

@Hereyoume
Do you really think men have been put off relationships because of some old jokes? We women have been subject to similar, and worse, after all.

mitogoshi · 08/02/2024 18:41

It's the free apps that are the worst. Met dp on old but took 6 months and a subscription

sleepyjar · 08/02/2024 18:49

Which dating site did you use? If you don't mind my asking @mitogoshi

PutMyFootIn · 08/02/2024 18:52

Go hunt for men in the wild. Much more satisfying than virtual dating.

Rainraingoawayrain · 08/02/2024 19:43

Think I’ve come to the conclusion I am going to be single forever and it must be me.

But I genuinely don’t know what I did to offend him in the 9 hours from when he last messaged me at midnight to replying to him at 9.30am this morning….

OP posts:
RosieAway · 08/02/2024 19:46

@Rainraingoawayrain ask him? I make a point of calling them out if that happens. Don’t want to make that behaviour normalised by ignoring it as if it was all I deserved…

Hereyoume · 08/02/2024 19:48

localnotail · 08/02/2024 18:35

OMG what is this crap!! Read this back to yourself and wonder how ridiculous you sound.

Poor wee men, they have been mocked on tik tok and now want nothing to do with scary evil wimmin and would rather wank and live alone.

You're literally mocking them now 🙄

Proves my point.

UghFletcher · 08/02/2024 19:58

Don't move it to WhatsApp so soon. Arrange the date via the app and meet them first before giving out your number you'll soon sort out the ones who really are keen from those who just want your number to occasionally send a dick pic to.

RosieAway · 08/02/2024 20:04

@Hereyoume honestly. This is bonkers. Ever noticed a thing called misogyny? I doubt you have as you sound like you’re thoroughly dyed in it.

Poor men for not being able to hold their own and act like grown-ups, without either abusing their partners, throwing their toys out the pram worse than a baby or just dissociating into a porn and KFC bucket existence instead of actually engaging in relationships and trying to grow. 🙄

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