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Original poster

Do you love your grandchildren as much as you love your children?

97 replies

sprigatito · 05/02/2024 20:10

I'm nowhere near the grandparent stage, my kids are 19 and 21 (and no guarantee they will want their own!) but I've been thinking about it a lot lately for some reason, trying to imagine what it would be like. I can't imagine loving someone as much as I do my kids, but I do remember worrying when I was pregnant with dc2 that I wouldn't be able to love them as much as dc1, and that was obviously bollocks.

So just curious really, plus I am stuck on the sofa with Covid and a torn shoulder, so nothing to do but overthink things!

OP posts:
Isthisjustnormal · 05/02/2024 20:12

I’ve heard before that you love your children but you are in love with your grandchildren: which explains the ‘can do no wrong/loose your sense’ stuff that you sometimes read on here and see in real life with (over) indulgent grandparents. I rather like that idea!

DustyMaiden · 05/02/2024 20:14

Yes, I spend a lot of time with them, they adore me too. Don’t think it’s automatic.

Wherediditgoto · 05/02/2024 20:15

Isthisjustnormal · 05/02/2024 20:12

I’ve heard before that you love your children but you are in love with your grandchildren: which explains the ‘can do no wrong/loose your sense’ stuff that you sometimes read on here and see in real life with (over) indulgent grandparents. I rather like that idea!

That’s really true in my experience.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
newyearnewnothing · 05/02/2024 20:17

It's a different kind of love.
I absolutely adore them.

saraclara · 05/02/2024 20:21

It's hard to compare, because my kids were my grandkids' ages more than three decades ago!

But yes, the love I have for my grandkids is of the similar intense and instinctive 'gut type' that I felt for my own kids (and which is so different from romantic love).
But I'm not going to claim that it's at the same level that my daughter feels for them. I don't imagine that it can be. But I've certainly not ever felt this kind of bond and love with anyone else other than my kids.

Multipleexclamationmarks · 05/02/2024 20:25

But love is not comparable between one person and another. I'm sure you don't love one of your children more than the other, each person in ylife that you love is loved in a different way, grandchildren will be too.
I have 3 children and 1 grandchild. I just love them all, there's no pecking order.

Original poster
sprigatito · 05/02/2024 20:30

Multipleexclamationmarks · 05/02/2024 20:25

But love is not comparable between one person and another. I'm sure you don't love one of your children more than the other, each person in ylife that you love is loved in a different way, grandchildren will be too.
I have 3 children and 1 grandchild. I just love them all, there's no pecking order.

I don't love one of my children more than the other, but I do love my children far more than I love anyone else!

I know it's a silly question really, but the replies are very interesting.

OP posts:
Starseeking · 05/02/2024 20:41

My parents actually seem to love my DC and my nieces and nephews more than they love me and my siblings lol

They would literally do anything for the DC, nothing is too much, and they can do no wrong, whereas my DM in particular is still quite critical of me.

berksandbeyond · 05/02/2024 20:42

I think my mum loves my daughter more than she loves me tbh

MrsJellybee · 05/02/2024 20:46

My mum loves grandkids more, my dad loves his children more. That’s my perception anyway.

LizHoney · 05/02/2024 20:55

MIL is genuinely obsessed with DC. No interest in talking to DH whilst on video calls with us, it's all about DC. She's also cancelled visits from SIL to prioritise our DC instead. It's actually quite embarrassing how blatant she is.

Pammela2 · 05/02/2024 20:57

These sound lovely! We have very uninvolved grandparents but they also weren’t brilliant parents either.
So it’s hard to tell but they don’t really know them very well, so I don’t think so.

misssunshine4040 · 05/02/2024 21:03

So lovely to read . I imagine this is how I will feel about my grandchildren if I have any.
My kids grandparents are uninvolved other than the odd meeting a few times a year.
It's very sad, not interested in caring about them at all.

BloodandGlitter · 05/02/2024 21:04

Don't presume you're a long way off grandkids OP! I have a 21 yo, a 10 yo and a 8 month old DGS. I would commit murder for each and every single one of them. I spoil the heck out of DGS and absolutely adore him but I agree with a previous poster, I'm infatuated with him.

mponder · 05/02/2024 21:04

My mum likes and loves them more

mycatsanutter · 05/02/2024 21:05

Gosh that's a tough question ! I adore my 2 granddaughters and love them to bits but it is a different kind of love than to my children.

Danikm151 · 05/02/2024 21:06

My son’s grandparents are obsessed with him 😂

my son gets away with so much more than I ever did!

Wherediditgoto · 05/02/2024 21:06

I think when you have your own children there is so much going on. Money worries, work, anxiety, exhaustion. With grandchildren you know what having children involves, you understand much more about child psychology and you have more time. It’s a very intense love and care but different from your children.

OneMoreTime23 · 05/02/2024 21:07

My mother is very open about loving DD more than she ever loved me.

Wherediditgoto · 05/02/2024 21:08

OneMoreTime23 · 05/02/2024 21:07

My mother is very open about loving DD more than she ever loved me.

That’s really sad

Redditchcycler · 05/02/2024 21:09

I love my grandchildren but it’s nothing like the feeling I have for my children. I don’t worry about my grandchildren anything like the way I worry about my children. It’s a far more intense feeling for my children . My grandchildren have their parents worrying about them, I don’t need to

Raspberrymoon49 · 05/02/2024 21:10

Yes yes yes, am obsessed with my grandchildren and they adore me, I am very lucky

GettingStuffed · 05/02/2024 21:12

It's a different kind of love, my love for my kids is a protective love but my relationship with my grandchildren is more a fun love. I'll muck around with my grandchildren in a way I didn't with my own children.

saraclara · 05/02/2024 21:13

Those of you who think your mother loves your kids more then you, are almost certainly wrong.

The kind of love that I show my adult DDs is very different to the kind of love I show my DGCs. It would be bizarre if I scooped my DDs up in huge hugs and talked to them in the same way I do to a 4 year old and a 1 year old!
But when my DDs were young I was every bit as soppy and cuddly with them. They just don't remember it!

We largely have to step back in how openly we show our love to our adult kids. Otherwise we'd be seen as needy or intense.

Hana89 · 05/02/2024 21:14

I think my mum loves my daughter as much as she loves me and my sister, but she shows it far more freely than she ever did when we were growing up. I think part of it is that helping my DD become a well-rounded, considerate person is my job not hers, so my mum doesn't feel any pressure. She can just delight in my DD without wondering if saying yes too often is spoiling her. It's lovely for both of them!