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Original poster

Do you love your grandchildren as much as you love your children?

97 replies

sprigatito · 05/02/2024 20:10

I'm nowhere near the grandparent stage, my kids are 19 and 21 (and no guarantee they will want their own!) but I've been thinking about it a lot lately for some reason, trying to imagine what it would be like. I can't imagine loving someone as much as I do my kids, but I do remember worrying when I was pregnant with dc2 that I wouldn't be able to love them as much as dc1, and that was obviously bollocks.

So just curious really, plus I am stuck on the sofa with Covid and a torn shoulder, so nothing to do but overthink things!

OP posts:
Laiste · 05/02/2024 21:15

No. I wouldn't say so.
My first GC (to eldest DD) is just 8 weeks old 😊I have 4 DDs. My youngest is still only 9.

GC is a darling baby and i love her - but - she's eldest DD's baby ... not mine. Maybe because i still have a primary aged child of my own i haven't had the shocking strong pull towards the baby that i've read that lots of new grandmothers get.

My primary instinct is towards making sure eldest DD is ok. Coping at home, coping with money (married and mortgaged) and feeling well and happy. The baby cuddles are lovely, but i wouldn't swap with her and go back to that stage for all the tea in china!! I love to watch DD looking after her baby, she's a great mum and i'm proud of her x

ltappleby · 05/02/2024 21:17

Redditchcycler · 05/02/2024 21:09

I love my grandchildren but it’s nothing like the feeling I have for my children. I don’t worry about my grandchildren anything like the way I worry about my children. It’s a far more intense feeling for my children . My grandchildren have their parents worrying about them, I don’t need to

This goes for me too

peachgreen · 05/02/2024 21:17

My mum would say that she enjoys loving DD more than she enjoyed loving me and my brother – the worry and stress is less, and of course the work!

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Veggie1961 · 05/02/2024 21:17

You really cannot compare TBH . Love and adore my children and grandchild but they are at different stages in their lives and have different priorities.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 05/02/2024 21:21

I don't have grandchildren yet, but my Dad and MIL clearly love my kids very much. I feel like they don't try to problem solve for my kids, in the way that parents do, which perhaps makes it a less intense love, but perhaps more fun.

My mum died just before I had my eldest, who is now 20. My Dad was in his early 50s at the time. Dad says DD helped to heal his heart, and they have a very special bond. She is at uni in the city where he lives, and he sees her every week. We live two hours away, and he came to see us every week from when she was a baby until covid lockdown. He did do it to look after me, but it has meant that he is incredibly close to my kids. It's not always been easy, and I will never get over the fact that my mum never met them, but I feel like my Dad loves them more than he would have had circumstances been different. FIL is involved compared to some grandparents, but their bonds are nowhere near as close.

SallyWD · 05/02/2024 21:27

I don't have grandchildren yet (my kids are 13 and 11) but my mum was talking about this recently. She's a wonderful, loving grandma but she told me "Although I adore your children I could never love them as much as I love you. You're my child." I found that interesting and I see nothing wrong with that.

Capkayser · 05/02/2024 21:37

My gm loved me intensely and more than my dm did, they both admitted to this, my gm was more like a dm as my dm wasn't around much, maybe that's why. I loved her like a dm also.

freshgreen · 05/02/2024 21:39

Absolutely adore my GC.

theresnolimits · 05/02/2024 21:53

ltappleby · 05/02/2024 21:17

This goes for me too

Show quote history

This is me too. I adore my grandchildren but they have their parents and other grandparents. My children are mine.

londonloves · 05/02/2024 21:53

Mh mother has openly said in front of me that she loves my son far more than she ever loved me, so, yeah, it's possible.

RicePuddingWithCinnamon · 05/02/2024 21:56

Wherediditgoto · 05/02/2024 21:08

That’s really sad

Show quote history

Yeah it’s sad but some people find parenting hard. Maybe being a grandma is easier.

FruitBat53 · 05/02/2024 21:58

I adore both my children and my grandchildren. I was there when my 1st grandchild was born, and sat snuggling them while DD went for a bath and her DH had gone home to get supplies. I'll never forget that morning, I honestly thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest. It was a very intense feeling of love.

But the bit I really love is that I don't have to stress and worry about them and I can take them home again when I'm running on empty. You don't get that luxury with your own children....!! It's love but a different one to loving your children.

MissingMoominMamma · 05/02/2024 22:01

My first grandchild is due next week. I can’t imagine loving him more than I love my kids, because he isn’t mine- he’s his mum and dad’s. I think I’m also scared of overstepping because it’s their first child.

But… I’ve already bagged camping rights with him when he’s a bit older 😃.

HaggisHuntress · 05/02/2024 22:03

DustyMaiden · 05/02/2024 20:14

Yes, I spend a lot of time with them, they adore me too. Don’t think it’s automatic.

I think that's the key. Spending time with them. Being in their lives. My own mother lives just up the road and hardly ever sees my kids. They get a card with £20 not inside dropped round late on their birthday as she'll combine the journey with picking up her Chinese that night. The kids have learned not to open the card using the flap because it's often still wet with spit from her sealing it in the car. Yuck.

I'm gonna be all over my grandkids like a rash. My own babies will have to pry my grandbabies out of my hands and I can't wait!

Lovelyjubbbly · 05/02/2024 22:06

I think my kids can do no wrong in my mums eyes she adores them so much

it’s a different kind of love

Reptilemummy · 05/02/2024 22:08

Yes, absolutely

MeinKraft · 05/02/2024 22:09

I think a lot of it is to do with ages and stages too. My own grandmother and I have more of a friendship based relationship now that I'm reaching my 40s. Quite a lot of her maternal love now goes to her great grandchildren. There's something about young children particularly babies and toddlers that just makes everyone go gaga! And you will love being reminded of your own children when they were that age.

PangramAddict · 05/02/2024 22:10

My mum adores my dc1 which is lovely but a bit hard on her other grandchildren....🫣

Quite a lot of "let me give my best girl a kiss" and it ain't me!

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 05/02/2024 22:13

berksandbeyond · 05/02/2024 20:42

I think my mum loves my daughter more than she loves me tbh

I know my mum loves my daughter more than me too!!
Bit l'm ok with that, l love their relationship they have x

Mariposistaaa · 05/02/2024 22:15

My beloved grandmother and I shared an unbreakable bond. She was the first person to see me born, gave me my first bottle, cared for me on my first night alive. And y name was the last comprehensive word she spoke when she died aged 91.

MBL · 05/02/2024 22:17

I think my parents have a very uncritical love for all the dgc. They love me and my sibs but can see where we make make mistakes and occasionally criticise. The dgc make no mistakes (this is equal between all the dgc).

ladygindiva · 05/02/2024 22:19

I am not a grandparent ; but I have a 25 yo DD who is in her first very serious relationship, says he's the one etc and thinks they might have children in a few years. To my shock, I am absolutely beside myself with excitement 🤣

SisSuffragette · 05/02/2024 22:19

My grandparents love me more than my mum, but the way they live my kids is something else. ❤ it's very special

Excited101 · 05/02/2024 22:20

DParents love my DSis far more now since she gave them a grandbaby… that’s not what you’re asking though! The grandbaby is fairly adored but he’s too young for it to be as clear yet.

Saschka · 05/02/2024 22:22

peachgreen · 05/02/2024 21:17

My mum would say that she enjoys loving DD more than she enjoyed loving me and my brother – the worry and stress is less, and of course the work!

Yep DM would say the same. She felt a lot of societal pressure not to “spoil” us by being too attentive or affectionate or fun, even though she wanted to, which is quite sad. But with DS she can be as indulgent as she likes.