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Original poster

Do you love your grandchildren as much as you love your children?

97 replies

sprigatito · 05/02/2024 20:10

I'm nowhere near the grandparent stage, my kids are 19 and 21 (and no guarantee they will want their own!) but I've been thinking about it a lot lately for some reason, trying to imagine what it would be like. I can't imagine loving someone as much as I do my kids, but I do remember worrying when I was pregnant with dc2 that I wouldn't be able to love them as much as dc1, and that was obviously bollocks.

So just curious really, plus I am stuck on the sofa with Covid and a torn shoulder, so nothing to do but overthink things!

OP posts:
Allthingsdecember · 05/02/2024 22:27

I think it’s really sad that some grandparents love their grandchildren more than their own DC. I’m not sure why though… maybe because my children are little and the idea of loving anyone more than them feels impossible?

My mum adores my children, but her priority is to help us all collectively. I think she probably loves us equally in different ways. My dad, I think, loves me and my Dsis more than our children. When he helps out it’s more through a lens of supporting his children.

MIL largely ignores DH when he FaceTimes and gushes about loving her grandchildren more than anything on social media … but she makes very little effort to actually see them. She seems to love the idea of being a grandparent more than the actual children. FIL, I think, loves DH more. He always asks after the children but spends much more time chatting to DH about work and their shared interests.

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 05/02/2024 22:30

I imagine being a grandparent is all the good stuff, love and hugs and cuddles, with none of the sleepless nights and stress. My own mum just wanted to help when my kids were born, and adored dd but was very focused on making sure I was OK ( I felt)
Mother in law on the other hand is a bit over the top. My dd is her absolute favourite and she makes no attempt to hide it. It actually really upsets my sister in law.

Apolloneuro · 05/02/2024 22:30

Isthisjustnormal · 05/02/2024 20:12

I’ve heard before that you love your children but you are in love with your grandchildren: which explains the ‘can do no wrong/loose your sense’ stuff that you sometimes read on here and see in real life with (over) indulgent grandparents. I rather like that idea!

Completely agree. I absolutely adore my grandchildren. And they adore me.

I think in a way, you can completely overindulge and submerge yourself in the love because you don’t have to be responsible for them.

Also, you tend to have more time and money, so can enjoy it more.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 05/02/2024 22:31

When he helps out it’s more through a lens of supporting his children
This is exactly how my mum was

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/02/2024 22:32

I’m not a grandparent but I would say my parents love my DC as much as they love DSis and I. We lived in their house until DD1 was 3.5 and they see DD2 every day as my mum looks after her. They know my children inside out and just enjoy being with them.

We knew our dad loved us and would do anything for us - he still would and does - but he plays with my DDs in a way he never played with us as children. He’ll dress up and play Barbies because he is wrapped around their fingers completely.

annonymousse · 05/02/2024 22:39

The love I have for my grandchildren is just so pure and uncomplicated. I absolutely love my dc too and I'm so proud of them but there have been times when we've had conflict and there's been hurt feelings on both sides. My dc had a really close relationship with their grandparents. I think it's easier to just love and not judge when it's the grandchildren.

Moier · 05/02/2024 22:39

I love my Grandsons as much as l love my daughters. I see every one of them at least once a week.
I have the youngest staying with me for a couple of nights while his Mum is in hospital.
We are a very close family.
Seen both my daughters today too.
Luckily they don't live far away and just pop in all the time.
Eldest three Grandsons call round on their own..( teenagers).
They are my world.

Do you love your grandchildren as much as you love your children?
Yirk · 05/02/2024 22:39

I love both my children and grandchildren unconditionally, the difference being I can enjoy my GC more as I have more time with them to do all the things I couldn't with my kids due to working, running a house etc.

LakeTiticaca · 05/02/2024 22:41

Head over heels in love with my little granddaughters. It's a different kind of love, I can't describe why it's different, it just is iyswim.
I have a lot more patience than I had when my kids were growing up, probably because I'm older now and I know that Mummy and daddy will be back to collect them 😅😅

Goblinmodeactivated · 05/02/2024 22:43

It’s a less complicated love maybe, so you can submerge yourself more fully into it. None of those worries that parents have, you can just enjoy them.

TheFairyCaravan · 05/02/2024 22:43

DGS is 6 weeks old tomorrow. I absolutely love and adore him.

I met him when he was 4 days old, when he was at home. The rush of love that came over me was absolutely overwhelming. I burst into tears. He’s the most precious little thing. I don’t love him more than my own DSes but it’s on a par. Having him has made me love DDIL more too, tbh.

I don’t want to wish his time away because he’s just so precious, but I can’t wait for him to be toddling and giggling.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 05/02/2024 22:45

Yes exactly the same.

purpleme12 · 05/02/2024 22:47

Mum loves my child more than me I think 😔
My dad loves me and my child. I know he loves my child but I don't think he loves her more than me.
Which is as it should be I think.

Wherediditgoto · 05/02/2024 22:47

Goblinmodeactivated · 05/02/2024 22:43

It’s a less complicated love maybe, so you can submerge yourself more fully into it. None of those worries that parents have, you can just enjoy them.

Yes that’s it.

Sonolanona · 05/02/2024 22:50

I was blow away when my grandson was born... I knew I'd love him but had no idea how much!
But it doesn't take away from how much I love my own children, not one bit. I love my adult children with every bit of me, and seeing my DD2 be a wonderful Mum has just made me grateful that my kids have grown into great adults.
I look after my grandson several days a week and it's just like being with my own when they were little again... mostly fab with moments of frustration 😁
It's more freeing though... I don't have the same degree of worry about it... because he's theirs and because I have years of experience!
I don't love him more, or less, it's just different!

saraclara · 05/02/2024 22:59

And you will love being reminded of your own children when they were that age.

Oh absolutely that. I'm having to hold back in expressing all my memories as I'm getting boring. But it awakens those emotions and memories, and it's lovely.

Mistlebough · 05/02/2024 23:01

What a lovely thread OP. I was overwhelmed when DGS was born and had a huge rush of love and connection just like when DCs were born. I expect it will be a different kind of love but it feels as huge and deep, instinctive and miraculous to me. It feels as though there’s a new and amazing dimension to our lives because of this beautiful little boy.

saraclara · 05/02/2024 23:02

Wherediditgoto · 05/02/2024 22:47

Yes that’s it.

Show quote history

I'm surprised to read a few posts like this. I absolutely DO worry about my grandkids. I'm probably more preoccupied with their safety than their mum is! And I fear for their future terribly, in today's world.

Enko · 05/02/2024 23:19

I think MIL loved her grandchildren as much as her children but not more than.

My mother adored my niece she was her golden child. My kids she barely bothered with.

Result My mother has been dead 9 years My kids barely remember her (all 20 and above) mil passed 4 years ago is spoken of with love and is dearly missed.

In truth I feel the same way as my kids.

So no I don't think all grandparents feel that way. It should be said. My fil loved his grandchikdren fiercely
and my dad and stepdad while closer to dniece whom lives in same country as them has the love and care for my children too.

I haven't yet got grandchildren give it a few years (youngest is20) but I cant imagine feeling one is more than the others. My close friend says grandchildren feels almost the same as for your own but it's different

MsCactus · 05/02/2024 23:21

My mum adores my daughter. But I know she's nothing like as intense with her as she was with all of us.

I would imagine most parents only feel that intensely about their own children...

Dutch1e · 05/02/2024 23:25

No. I love my grand-daughter but no, I definitely love my children more. I remember my little grand-girl being so indignant that I hugged her mum before I hugged her and demanding an explanation 😂

Dipsydoodlenoodle · 06/02/2024 00:00

My dad said all of his work colleagues said they love their grandkids more than their own kids. Now my dad has his own grandchild, I haven't dared ask. But I'm pretty sure she's on the tallest pedestal!

VampireWeekday · 06/02/2024 00:01

My mum loves DC more than she loves me now. But I think she probably loved me more when I was a child. My DC are so intensely mine it's hard to imagine ever feeling like this about someone else's children, even my own DC.

Tourmalines · 06/02/2024 00:06

I love my little granddaughters , of course we all do love our grandkids . But I can’t compare it the feelings I had for my child who I conceived and carried and gave birth too . It’s a totally different feeling . I never conceived or gave birth to my grandchildren, they are another woman’s . I don’t understand how grandparents love their grandchildren more . Quite baffling really .

Gobolino80 · 06/02/2024 00:09

I became a Grandma in May last year. So many people said things like "you won't believe how much you'll love him" "just you wait, it's a totally different love" and I didn't believe them because I couldn't imagine loving anyone as much as that who I hadn't actually given birth too. Boy was I wrong! I am absolutely head over heels in love with him, it knocked me for six. I get that same intense heart ache of love when I look at him as I did for his mum and uncle when they were babies. I'd die for my kids, but I'd die for him twice over.