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Original poster

Happy fucking anniversary

93 replies

ThisIsMyNameOkay · 04/02/2024 09:01

I'm just ranting here so that I don't cause an argument.

It's our two year anniversary. I pay all the bills. I do the cooking. The cleaning. Make his morning coffee, wash his stinky boxes. Fulfil his 'fantasies', never complain when he games 24/7 without any input into the house or the kids, support him emotionally and financially aswell as contact his boss for him if he's too 'poorly' for work or if he feels his boss was mean. He's 28! How has it taken me two years to realise that not only is he a man child but I'm a fucking idiot who's allowed it for so damn long.

It's our two year anniversary today. My flats being inspected on Tuesday and I've had a battle trying to sort mould (yes it a council flat, I'm hoping to earn enough to rent a place as soon as I can not only for a more healthy environment but I want a forever home for my children) but this battle has caused me to have to rip down wallpaper, throw away furniture and carpet and this inspection was thrown on us on Friday so very last minute and I'm having to pretty much redecorate the entire flat. De mould it. Try and sell things to afford more furniture and paint and make it look the best I can. It's 8.53am. I have been doing this non stop since 8am yesterday. So almost 25 hours now. I haven't slept because my kids are having a special day out today with friends and I'm the primary carer for a bunch of kids. So i need to make sure they have a special day and sort this place out within two days for this landlord check. Which if it weren't for the mould would be totally fine but it's so bare at the moment and I'm concerned they'll think I'm not taking care of the property. So that's whats making me even more mad. He said he would do the day out with me but last night deemed he was too tired. Went to bed (while I was still painting and glossing) at 10pm. Still asleep now. His input into the redecorating was to put down 2ft of vinyl. That's it. In the process he broke the toilet too so that's not functioning. The anger I feel is so so strong. Every bit of me wants to finally tell him to get the hell out of my flat. I also have a chronic illness where I'm not supposed to exert myself because I can't physically eat so my energy and muscle mass is limited. Yet I'm pushing through to save our kids home. Why do I have such a bad habit of picking the laziest and useless of men. I so annoyed with myself. It's clearly my fault because I've never picked a gentleman who is genuinely a team player. 50-50. I sit here and listen to his excuses all the time and this is the final straw for me. I can understand financial struggles but emotionally and physically never supporting your partner but claiming you do 'care' is full on bullshit. Claiming you're better than all other men. Claiming you're different. It's all bullshit. He's bullshit. This situation is bullshit. I may be 30 but I'm totally done with relationships.

Apologies for the rant I just can't live life like this anymore 😭

OP posts:
carrotbagel · 04/02/2024 09:03

Are they his kids? If not I'd chuck him out.

MogHog · 04/02/2024 09:05

I know it's not the topic of the thread but why are you trying to get rid of the mould before the inspection? I work in housing services and surely they should be helping you to get the mould issue sorted so should see it at its worst?

gamerchick · 04/02/2024 09:08

If you have a council inspection, why are you hiding mould? It's their job to make sure there's not a problem with the building.

You know what to do about your bloke. If you don't, expect more of the same.

Malbecormerlot · 04/02/2024 09:09

Aside from the fact that you are living with a man child that you need to get rid of why are you doing all this redecorating etc for a council flat. The council/landlord must provide you a suitable place to live. If there is mould it is their responsibility to fix this. The inspector should see this and get it sorted for you.

LittleBearPad · 04/02/2024 09:12

Are you married?
Is he the father of your children?

Get rid of him - he adds nothing to your life.

Also why are you redecorating? Surely the inspection needs to see joe bad the mould is?

Original poster
ThisIsMyNameOkay · 04/02/2024 09:13

MogHog · 04/02/2024 09:05

I know it's not the topic of the thread but why are you trying to get rid of the mould before the inspection? I work in housing services and surely they should be helping you to get the mould issue sorted so should see it at its worst?

I took loads of photos of the mould 7 months ago. They said they would book me an urgent visit due to its severity and I've been fighting to get them to come out for the last 7 months. They keep promising they will and booking and cancelling over and over. The inspection is a yearly thing. It's nothing to do with the mould so I'm a worrier and want to make sure they don't think I live like a slob and evict me or something. I know that probably sounds stupid I'm just wanting to make sure my children have a home. I took loads of photos before I Started cleaning. But I have literally no furniture in two rooms now because of the mould and it comes back within a week of me cleaning 🙈 it's a nightmare. I honestly don't know how to get rid of it on my own. Thank you for your question. I hope this makes sense

OP posts:
Thedance · 04/02/2024 09:14

I'm sorry you are faced with this and no you are not. Being unreasonable and on the face if sounds as if you would be better of without him
but the mould is the fault of the landlord not you. You shouldn't be trying to hide it.They should see it was it us.
Also you say it is a council flat. They won't evict you because the house is untidy or because they find mould they have a responsibility to house you and make sure the property is safe. .
I'm also confused when you say you are saving up to rent somewhere for stability. A Council flat gives you much better security than a privately rented one. Where you can be evicted for no fault.

TigerRag · 04/02/2024 09:15

Even though the inspection has nothing to do with the mould I think they need to see it. Maybe they'd do something about it then?

Original poster
ThisIsMyNameOkay · 04/02/2024 09:15

LittleBearPad · 04/02/2024 09:12

Are you married?
Is he the father of your children?

Get rid of him - he adds nothing to your life.

Also why are you redecorating? Surely the inspection needs to see joe bad the mould is?

Not married. Not his children. I just feel like a bitch because I am having to nag him to do things and that's not me. I'm used to doing everything on my own as a single mum but I didn't expect it to continue that way when he's promised from the start he's 'different'. More fool me.

The inspection is a yearly one from the landlord. Not to do with the mould. I've answered more clearly in another comment. Thank you so much for answering my post!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisIsMyNameOkay · 04/02/2024 09:15

Malbecormerlot · 04/02/2024 09:09

Aside from the fact that you are living with a man child that you need to get rid of why are you doing all this redecorating etc for a council flat. The council/landlord must provide you a suitable place to live. If there is mould it is their responsibility to fix this. The inspector should see this and get it sorted for you.

The inspection is a yearly one from the landlord. Not to do with the mould. I've answered more clearly in another comment. Thank you so much for answering my post!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisIsMyNameOkay · 04/02/2024 09:16

TigerRag · 04/02/2024 09:15

Even though the inspection has nothing to do with the mould I think they need to see it. Maybe they'd do something about it then?

You're right. I'm just scared they'll think I'm living in a mess and some how evict me. I know that seems irrational but I have no family so I worry about this like that

OP posts:
Beauty65 · 04/02/2024 09:18

Kick him out OP he’s a piece of shit what does he actually do for you other than take you for a full ride and a complete mug?

he’s a cock lodger through and through and he contributes nothing to your life.

gamerchick · 04/02/2024 09:18

ThisIsMyNameOkay · 04/02/2024 09:15

The inspection is a yearly one from the landlord. Not to do with the mould. I've answered more clearly in another comment. Thank you so much for answering my post!

Show quote history

It still doesn't make sense. They're not going to evict you for mould. They need to see it.

Original poster
ThisIsMyNameOkay · 04/02/2024 09:19

Thedance · 04/02/2024 09:14

I'm sorry you are faced with this and no you are not. Being unreasonable and on the face if sounds as if you would be better of without him
but the mould is the fault of the landlord not you. You shouldn't be trying to hide it.They should see it was it us.
Also you say it is a council flat. They won't evict you because the house is untidy or because they find mould they have a responsibility to house you and make sure the property is safe. .
I'm also confused when you say you are saving up to rent somewhere for stability. A Council flat gives you much better security than a privately rented one. Where you can be evicted for no fault.

Thank you for your comment. That's given me a lot to think about. I hate to sound silly but I'm really uneducated in these things. Because I'm so desperate to give my children stability I thought that a private place would be a better idea. The experience I've had with this housing association has been awful. They literally don't care or help in anyway. My sink didn't work for a year! So I had to wash dishes in the bath and in the end I had to call a private plumber because the council didn't ever show up. It's exhausting 🙈

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 04/02/2024 09:20

Breathe OP.
Chill.

There seems to be a mixture of issues.

But let's just deal with him.

Kick him out at the very least you will feel.less resentful and stressed not carrying his dead weight around.

And the council won't kick you out explain the sparceness of the flat is because of the mould you need access to the walls to keep cleaning it as the root cause hasn't been addressed.

Don't lose a council rent for private

But as for him he's just a burden time to relieve yourself of this.

Buffypaws · 04/02/2024 09:23

Op you need to throw this guy out and go nuts at the council. They all need to buck their ideas up.

Alwaysalwayscold · 04/02/2024 09:23

You are going to cause yourself to be really unwell if you carry on like this.

Start by kicking him out and you'll find life instantly becomes better. Living with anger and resentment can absolutely destroy you.

cactihurt · 04/02/2024 09:25

Lose the boyfriend OP. Hes a chump.

He's no good and a bad influence on your kids.

Don't buy more furniture to get ruined

Tidy and presentable, no rubbish and no thing broken is fine.

Let the mould shine through.

I'm sorry you have to live like this in the UK in 2024.

themusingsofaninsomniac · 04/02/2024 09:26

He sounds like he's taking advantage of you. What does he bring to the table, how is he enhancing your life in any way? From paragraph one alone it seems like you'd genuinely be far happier and less stressed if you were single. Also I relate on the chronic illness thing, if he genuinely cared he would step up and be more supportive than he is. That whole paragraph sounded like you were taking about a son... you speak to his boss for him? WTF!

You can do better. He adds nothing to your life but stress - the decision should be easy, tell him to get the hell out! (I don't think it matters whether he's the children's father or not as he could still be in their lives either way, but this man sounds like he's draining the life out of you, put yourself first so you can be the best version of yourself for them)

LittleBearPad · 04/02/2024 09:27

ThisIsMyNameOkay · 04/02/2024 09:15

Not married. Not his children. I just feel like a bitch because I am having to nag him to do things and that's not me. I'm used to doing everything on my own as a single mum but I didn't expect it to continue that way when he's promised from the start he's 'different'. More fool me.

The inspection is a yearly one from the landlord. Not to do with the mould. I've answered more clearly in another comment. Thank you so much for answering my post!

Show quote history

Not married. Not his children

Good, off he goes then.

Don’t try to hide the mould - the council need to see it.

Breathe

LittleBearPad · 04/02/2024 09:29

themusingsofaninsomniac · 04/02/2024 09:26

He sounds like he's taking advantage of you. What does he bring to the table, how is he enhancing your life in any way? From paragraph one alone it seems like you'd genuinely be far happier and less stressed if you were single. Also I relate on the chronic illness thing, if he genuinely cared he would step up and be more supportive than he is. That whole paragraph sounded like you were taking about a son... you speak to his boss for him? WTF!

You can do better. He adds nothing to your life but stress - the decision should be easy, tell him to get the hell out! (I don't think it matters whether he's the children's father or not as he could still be in their lives either way, but this man sounds like he's draining the life out of you, put yourself first so you can be the best version of yourself for them)

Of course it matters. If he isn’t their father he won’t have to part of their lives. As it seems unlikely he brings much to their lives they are better off without having to spend time with him.

ReindeerRider · 04/02/2024 09:29

You shouldn’t be hiding the mould when you’ve been fighting for 7 months for them to come and look at it. This is your chance to show them how bad it is and ask how THEY can rectify it. Cleaning alone doesn’t sound like it will shift it. You are going to make yourself ill carrying on like you are redecorating and not sleeping. Then you’re children will suffer (being harsh on you as have feeling you’ll change if impact on your children is pointed out but like a lot of parents won’t change if it’s impacting your own health / I’m same really just keep going and going even is destroying own health but once realise impacting my DC I get a shock and calm down!)

As for the “man” in your life - well I never say this but please LTB. He’s adding nothing but grief to your life and your DC will be better off if he’s not hanging around like a bad smell too. Please chuck him out.

Justleaveitblankthen · 04/02/2024 09:29

Your council does yearly inspections? I have never heard of this and many of my family live in Council accommodation.
Remember that going into private rent is not a secure Tenancy like a council home is.
A private landlord can raise your rent exponentially (within the law) and decide to sell up.
I wouldn't see it as a 'forever home' that a council property is.

The dude who has married and shacked up with you?

Lazy arsed Cock lodger.
Get rid.

RJnomore1 · 04/02/2024 09:30

I take it he isn’t on your tenancy? If not tell him to go. You know that. You’re there in your thinking. He’s adding to your load not helping. That’s not how you treat someone you love.

The mould is a serious health issue. The inspection may not be specifically for the mould but they need to see it. If you e cleaned it off it’s too late just now but you must tell them about it, show the photos and tell them two rooms in the house are unusable. THEY need to sort it and it’s to their benefit to do so so don’t feel guilty.

What ages are your kids? Do you have a health visitor or someone like that who can raise the issue with the HA on your behalf?

themusingsofaninsomniac · 04/02/2024 09:30

I just said that. He can be a part of their lives but it doesn't factor to whether she kicks him out or not. Read what I said!