Happy fucking anniversary

[ThisIsMyNameOkay]

I'm just ranting here so that I don't cause an argument.

It's our two year anniversary. I pay all the bills. I do the cooking. The cleaning. Make his morning coffee, wash his stinky boxes. Fulfil his 'fantasies', never complain when he games 24/7 without any input into the house or the kids, support him emotionally and financially aswell as contact his boss for him if he's too 'poorly' for work or if he feels his boss was mean. He's 28! How has it taken me two years to realise that not only is he a man child but I'm a fucking idiot who's allowed it for so damn long.

It's our two year anniversary today. My flats being inspected on Tuesday and I've had a battle trying to sort mould (yes it a council flat, I'm hoping to earn enough to rent a place as soon as I can not only for a more healthy environment but I want a forever home for my children) but this battle has caused me to have to rip down wallpaper, throw away furniture and carpet and this inspection was thrown on us on Friday so very last minute and I'm having to pretty much redecorate the entire flat. De mould it. Try and sell things to afford more furniture and paint and make it look the best I can. It's 8.53am. I have been doing this non stop since 8am yesterday. So almost 25 hours now. I haven't slept because my kids are having a special day out today with friends and I'm the primary carer for a bunch of kids. So i need to make sure they have a special day and sort this place out within two days for this landlord check. Which if it weren't for the mould would be totally fine but it's so bare at the moment and I'm concerned they'll think I'm not taking care of the property. So that's whats making me even more mad. He said he would do the day out with me but last night deemed he was too tired. Went to bed (while I was still painting and glossing) at 10pm. Still asleep now. His input into the redecorating was to put down 2ft of vinyl. That's it. In the process he broke the toilet too so that's not functioning. The anger I feel is so so strong. Every bit of me wants to finally tell him to get the hell out of my flat. I also have a chronic illness where I'm not supposed to exert myself because I can't physically eat so my energy and muscle mass is limited. Yet I'm pushing through to save our kids home. Why do I have such a bad habit of picking the laziest and useless of men. I so annoyed with myself. It's clearly my fault because I've never picked a gentleman who is genuinely a team player. 50-50. I sit here and listen to his excuses all the time and this is the final straw for me. I can understand financial struggles but emotionally and physically never supporting your partner but claiming you do 'care' is full on bullshit. Claiming you're better than all other men. Claiming you're different. It's all bullshit. He's bullshit. This situation is bullshit. I may be 30 but I'm totally done with relationships.

Apologies for the rant I just can't live life like this anymore 😭

@Cather1ne he’s just a parasitic boyfriend/house pest.

Jesus get rid of him!

Also stop decorating and show them the mould. How will they even believe you if you cover it up?

Oh God, bin him op, then you;ve got one less man child to have to look after and pander to.

The mould might be a problem but the bigger problem is the selfish man child. You'd be better off without him. Bin him off. Raise your bar.

ThisIsMyNameOkay
Not married. Not his children.

That is such good news. He adds nothing positive to your life or to your children's. As he's not their father he can be got rid of and you/they need never see him again.

You know he's wrong, kick him out. You're already paying for everything so you know you can do it. Just get him out and change the locks, this is yours and your children's home.

Easy to say, difficult to do but really, it's the only rational thing you can do.

Exactly plus can I add; a privately rented accommodation is unlikely to be a forever home, unlike your council place x

Get rid of this leech and throw his stuff in bags behind him
Assuming he is not on the tenancy, tell him to leave right now
Do not give up your HA tenancy
Put the paintbrush down immediately
As you have photos, you can say you were trying to improve things, but have failed
Contact MP with photos and ask that he contacts HA.. then chase him up regularly
Good luck and please don't stress over this
HA have a legal duty to ensure safe, decent properties
How long you have to wait for this is impossible to say, but I do hope it's not long

Stay angry and chuck him out. You will have more time and money without him.

Stay angry and tell the person doing the inspection on Tuesday that they need to work out what is causing the mould and sort it. Phone them every week if necessary. Contact your local councillor and MP, Shelter.

You are obviously working really hard to make a good life for your family and you deserve to be supported in this. Don't show your children what a bad relationship looks like.

Don't give up social housing for private let.

Re boyfriend: kick him out.

Re mould: do not under any circs hide it or they'll think it's not a problem and that'll be on you.

If they do nothing grow oyster mushrooms in the damp bits. Take photos and talk to Shelter who will advocate for you. Write to your MP who can also help. Local radio are always on the scout for stories.

Meanwhile change the air as much as possible and keep a window cracked open in the kitchen and bathroom - anything to kick those fpores put znd not in your children's lungs.

I don't know how it works for you, but in any non-council rental your landlord would be responsible for fixing the mold.

It won't hurt for your landlord to see the mold plus evidence you emailed the council about it. The landlord may help you pressure the council or maybe even fix it to save their property.

"But I have literally no furniture in two rooms now because of the mould and it comes back within a week of me cleaning" – Also just tell them this.

So true

Even for some private landlords (in London at least, and posh parts too) there are yearly inspections.

Leave the mould.

Throw out the leech.

Keep the HA.

Get therapy for your low self esteem. It is really low.

You sound so stressed; your life will become infinitely much easier once you throw out the 15st lump of mould that's holding you back.

Hope all goes well with the landlord visit.

OP - I had an ex like this. Kick the cocklodging piece of shit out of your home right now. I promise you, you and your kids will be far better off without him.

He contributes nothing to your life. Bin him. Hopefully he isn’t on the tenancy?

OP you’re doing your best and sound like you always prioritise your kids x Being a single parent can be hard and you need to be kind to yourself.In the souring of being kind to yourself please ditch this guy he’s a leech and detracts from the haven you are trying to make for your family.

Please do it leave a social tenancy it’s infinitely worse in The private sector .

Stop trying to cover up the mould .Y oh reported it months ago and it should have been dealt with.

In the future complain to your local councillor of MP.Social landlords hate getting letters from MPs and always respond .

Good luck .Big hug.