Happy fucking anniversary

[ThisIsMyNameOkay]

I'm just ranting here so that I don't cause an argument.

It's our two year anniversary. I pay all the bills. I do the cooking. The cleaning. Make his morning coffee, wash his stinky boxes. Fulfil his 'fantasies', never complain when he games 24/7 without any input into the house or the kids, support him emotionally and financially aswell as contact his boss for him if he's too 'poorly' for work or if he feels his boss was mean. He's 28! How has it taken me two years to realise that not only is he a man child but I'm a fucking idiot who's allowed it for so damn long.

It's our two year anniversary today. My flats being inspected on Tuesday and I've had a battle trying to sort mould (yes it a council flat, I'm hoping to earn enough to rent a place as soon as I can not only for a more healthy environment but I want a forever home for my children) but this battle has caused me to have to rip down wallpaper, throw away furniture and carpet and this inspection was thrown on us on Friday so very last minute and I'm having to pretty much redecorate the entire flat. De mould it. Try and sell things to afford more furniture and paint and make it look the best I can. It's 8.53am. I have been doing this non stop since 8am yesterday. So almost 25 hours now. I haven't slept because my kids are having a special day out today with friends and I'm the primary carer for a bunch of kids. So i need to make sure they have a special day and sort this place out within two days for this landlord check. Which if it weren't for the mould would be totally fine but it's so bare at the moment and I'm concerned they'll think I'm not taking care of the property. So that's whats making me even more mad. He said he would do the day out with me but last night deemed he was too tired. Went to bed (while I was still painting and glossing) at 10pm. Still asleep now. His input into the redecorating was to put down 2ft of vinyl. That's it. In the process he broke the toilet too so that's not functioning. The anger I feel is so so strong. Every bit of me wants to finally tell him to get the hell out of my flat. I also have a chronic illness where I'm not supposed to exert myself because I can't physically eat so my energy and muscle mass is limited. Yet I'm pushing through to save our kids home. Why do I have such a bad habit of picking the laziest and useless of men. I so annoyed with myself. It's clearly my fault because I've never picked a gentleman who is genuinely a team player. 50-50. I sit here and listen to his excuses all the time and this is the final straw for me. I can understand financial struggles but emotionally and physically never supporting your partner but claiming you do 'care' is full on bullshit. Claiming you're better than all other men. Claiming you're different. It's all bullshit. He's bullshit. This situation is bullshit. I may be 30 but I'm totally done with relationships.

Apologies for the rant I just can't live life like this anymore 😭

Perfect timing really - when you are chucking out the furniture, just chuck out the man too! I'd say recycle him but doesn't sound like anyone else would want him.

Go to local paper about your flat.. or the local councilor..
It's disgusting that council won't sort it. It has been on the news.. mine is ex council l bought it.. luckily here we got things sorted pretty quick.. but one time l did get my local councilor on board and the repair men were round the next day.
As for your fella.. I'd kick him out.. because you sound like a single parent anyhow.. so be easier without another kid like him x

So you’ve been fighting for them to come look at the mould for 7 months but now someone is coming to do an inspection and will be able to look at the mould issue whilst there you’re painting and wallpapering over it. Why would you do that?? So you’ve basically covered up the problem so the landlord or whoever does the inspection can now say there is no problem and when the mould inevitably grows again on the new wallpaper you’ve paid for you’ll have to start again trying to get someone to come and look at it 🤷‍♀️ you’ve just made it a lot more difficult for yourself.

A private place may well have a landlord who also doesn’t do repairs - this is sadly very common - but who can also increase the rent by several hundred pounds a month on a couple of month’s notice and have you evicted on equally short notice.

It’s hard to get a council tenant out (quite rightly) - you and your children are far less likely to end up in a 1 room B&B as ‘temporary’ accommodation (which can last for years) with a secure council tenancy. The council might even decline to assist you if you have intentionally given up one tenancy (not entirely sure about this but I’ve certainly heard this suggested).

Private renting is never, ever stable. Even if you were a millionaire, that would just mean you’d have no difficulty finding somewhere else to rent if you were turfed out of your home. The only way you’d ever get me out of a secure council tenancy (which I don’t have and don’t qualify for) would be if I could afford to buy somewhere.

Chuck him out! He is just another child to look after and you really don't need that

If your home is tidy and clean aside from the mould I would leave it as it is. They can’t penalise you when you’ve drawn their attention to it and they haven’t done anything about it. You sound like a lovely mother who wants the best for your children and doesn’t want to risk your housing but it’s not at risk so please take some of the pressure off of yourself.
In terms of your partner I’m not at all sure what he actually contributes to your life aside from extra stress and an extra mouth to feed. I think you know what you need to do. Trust your gut.

First things first. If he's not on the tenancy agreement then get rid, he is adding to your stress and nobody needs that. If he refuses call the police and get him removed.
Secondly WRT the mould...been there, had that (bathroom ceiling was black with it despite me doing all they advised me to do). As you have photo's then when the inspector turns up, show him the room (don't worry about getting it pristine), and then show the photos. Tell them calmly that the reason the room looks like it does is down to you trying (unsuccessfully ), to keep on top of it. Tell them, again calmly, that you are scared for yours and your DC's health as you can't carry on keeping the mould at bay due to illness and cost. The killer question to ask them is "would it be cheaper to deal with the mould now, or when it's so bad the whole place needs doing?". Within 3 weeks of my inspection I had a date set for someone to come and sort it all out.

Forgot to add...Don't go into private rental if you have a secured tenancy. The whole reason I'm in a HA place is because the private rent I was in got sold and me and DD were given just 8 weeks to find somewhere else. having this place assured that we would never be put in that position again.

Well done on recognising what an arsehole your boyfriend is, plenty of women don't. Get rid and have a cosy home for you and your kids that no useless, idle cocklodger can spoil.

I also would advise you not to move out of council housing into rental. The private rental market is very unstable and only getting worse. And yes, inspectors need to see your mould. It is not your fault, no one is oging to throw you out on your ear over it.

Keep the flat.
Leave the mould.
Lose the 'boyfriend'.

Time to ditch the boyfriend.
There are plenty of nice men out there, don’t let him put you off - but also don’t waste any more time on him.

Fulfil his 'fantasies'

Ugh, why! Kick him out, he sounds completely dreadful.

How do men like this find women to live with?!

If you want to provide stability for dc then dump the cocklodger. The money you save can be used toward your home.

He provides nothing and takes money and time away from dc.

Get that lump of shit out of your house and all will be well. Don’t waste your money on him, it should be for you and your children.

Don't hide the mould. Please don't give up your council place for a privately rented 'forever home', you have a much more secure home already. Look into swapping.

Get rid of your useless 'partner', he's setting a terrible example to your children.

As others have said....
Tell him to leave as your relationship is over.
The council need to see the mould. Don't decorate over it. It takes a lot to be evicted from a council property so they won't be kicking you out.
Don't give up your council property. A private rental will NOT be a "forever home". You potentially might have to move every year with private renting.

You sound like you have so much on your plate ATM.
One step at a time.
Get the inspection out of way.
Then the DC's thing.
Then think about dealing with the unhelpful boyfriend. You've seen exactly what he is like now and what he adds to your life.

Also. have a look at this advice from Shelter. Its a short read and will summarise what your rights are. in Council v private renting.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/council_housing_association

and this page deals with what to do and how to complain about mould in Council/Housing association housing and what your rights are. Again its not that long a read and its very clear.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/repairs/damp_and_mould_in_council_and_housing_association_homes

If the pathetic manchild you're with isn't on the tenancy then chuck him out today. Get his key back or change the lock. Bag his stuff up instead of painting and put the bags outside.

Contact your local Mp about the mould or the local paper.

Why doesn't he pay half of everything? How old is he? Kick him out.

Get rid of him.
Keep the tenancy.

What does he bring to the table? What are you getting out of the relationship? It sounds like very little. He will whine and complain and promise the earth, but he’ll be sat there scratching his balls and gaming while you parent before you know it.

As others have already said. He can go today. He will never support you.

As you have a HA place that is the most secure. Lobby your MP to either get the mold sorted or to move you.

As he is gone you will save money so you can then buy more furniture or save.

You are still young. This will get better.

Stop complaining about him and get rid of him!!!!

FFS.

He is awful. You know this. Stop being a servant to this idiot. You bring it on yourself if you stay.

Just to mention, if he’s not on the tenancy, he’s a lodger. If he starts telling you he’s a tenant and you have to go through the courts to get him out, it’s not true - lodgers have minimal rights and you can just put him out.

Not married, no kids, no reason for any angst. This is good!
Dump him and enjoy life. Never again degrade yourself like this just to have some shit man in your house.

Also, you are your kids role model in what they’ll think is acceptable and normal when they’re adults, so you need to exhibit exceptionally high standards, only ever date a man if he enhances you life significantly and is easy and fun to date.

No need to bring a man in to your kids home. Never prostrate yourself before a man, or take money from your kids mouths to fund/feed or house a man. It’s worrying you’ve done this.

I’m sorry OP. It sounds very stressful. The mould is not your fault, and entirely their responsibility to resolve. Just make it look tidy and that’s all they can expect. If anything, point out the mould to them and tell them it’s not acceptable, they need to fix it.

As for your “DH” it sounds like he is all talk, but no action. If he loved you he really would be right in there helping getting the house tidy. He might have all the words but they are worthless without any action.
If you ask him to leave expect a big show (him crying, going on about his “love” for you, how he can’t live without you). Don’t give in. I can guarantee you if he makes any improvements they’ll last a few weeks at most and you’ll be back to square one

prioritise yourself, you sound worth so so much more than someone like him