Can anyone explain selective mutism to me please?

[sharptoothlemonshark]

I find this really puzzling.

I have another student with selective mutism right now, but she is not my first. if I ask her something she can write down the answer but can't speak to me.

I heard on the BBC that the male killer sentenced today gave his evidence like this, as he is also selectively mute - and the judge accepted it is totally beyond his control. I have never thought it WAS under the individual's control, but I just find it very puzzling.

If you can do something, you can do it, but not always!! I have tried to reason with myself that it might be like me pulling my clothes off and parading around topless - I can do it at home, but if asked to do it in the supermarket may find myself physically unable to. I don't know, is it anything like that?

Please if you have any experience or understanding of this condition, I would very much like to hear it

Following!

My understanding is that it is anxiety based. So at home you don't feel the same anxiety and can speak freely, but at school you are overwhelmed by anxiety and it shuts down your ability to speak. The anxiety can be overcome with a lot of help so that students are able to speak to their teacher for example but a lot of time and support is needed.

The selective bit is a red herring, it's not like they're choosing not to talk. They can't at certain times.

I think the confusing bit is SELECTIVE mutism, which implies that you're choosing to do it, but I think that in fact it's completely the opposite.

Selective mutism is in the process of being changed to situational mutism.

I'd refrain from associating a student with this condition alongside a male killer who may or may not have the condition. Offenders of that nature have been known to play on having conditions in order to try and manipulate a more lenient sentence.

My daughter has situational mutism. Her Speech and Language Therapist has delivered whole school training on the subject, so that all teachers are better informed.

Ultimately, it is a communication disorder and one that is extremely debilitating. I described it - before I even knew a lot about it - as something my daughter can't do rather than won't do in certain situations. (Talk, that is)

The biggest issue, is misunderstanding, and people trying to force those who have it, to communicate.

There is plenty on the Internet about it, including NHS resources and a dedicated charity. CAMHS also has a lot of resources and signposting if you want to learn more.

I do want to learn more, and I will look this up tomorrow when I have a bit more energy! meanwhile, is there any quick pointers you could give please? just one or two dos and don'ts? I'd be very grateful

To add:

My daughter is so overcome by anxiety, and / or sensory overload sometimes that she absolutely is unable to speak. It often starts with people not known to the person who stress them out, or situations whereby they are expected to explain how they feel, but cannot. It is linked to Autism, but not exclusively. It can also present as part of Autistic shutdown. My daughter was completely unable to speak, therefore non verbal for three days recently after experiencing sensory overload (noise and people) while trying to attend a small event over Christmas.

NHS page explaining the freeze response / trauma response.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/selective-mutism/

I’ve got ASD and various MH issues and no idea which is responsible but it happens to me sometimes. It’s a really odd feeling, like my mouth has disconnected from my brain and the rest of my body. I can overcome it if I’m given enough time, but given that often means I’m asked a question then they have to wait 10 mins for an answer it’s not hugely practical - but once over that initial hurdle I do then seem to get into the swing of it and the pauses get shorter until I’m able to respond fairly normally.

My 15 year old Grandson ( ASD) has selected mutism when anxiety/ meltdown kicks in.. not something he can control.. it happens.

I think I had this as a child. I just couldn't speak in front of a teacher at all. I used to get punished for it, and it made no difference so one of my teachers starting punishing my friend instead because she thought that might have more of an impact on me. It just meant I lost my only friend.

My daughter has this and it happens when she is overwhelmed. Imagine feeling too afraid to function properly. That's how she feels when a stranger asks her a direct question. She physically can't speak.

I don't think I'm autistic but I have autistic kids. I very occasionally have felt unable to speak - I wonder if it happens more than we realise? For example, at a pretty brutal dental hygienist appointment, even when I had nothing in my mouth I couldn't form words. I just shook my head which clearly puzzled the (evil) hygienist!

Trauma and stress can induce selective mutism

The NHS link doesn't really tally with what I am seeing, as it describes "freezing" and "panic" but what I have is a student able to participate in all parts of a lesson except the talking, able to learn, able to answer questions, able to concentrate on the topic in hand - which I would not expect in a child who was panicking. The only difference is she responds to me and other students in writing, not orally.

How often is it related to ASD? Does anybody know?

Oh, this is truly awful. I'm so sorry that happened. What a horrible thing to do to a child.

I'm an adult.

I have situational mutism in some circumstances.

I was subjected to abuse by my ExH. In circumstances where I have to be in close contact with men who are physically similar to my ExH I am sometimes mute.

Basically your conscious mind is not in control of your body. Your unconscious takes over because it thinks you are in danger of serious injury/death. Dependent on circumstances you will respond with fight/flight/freeze.

Mutism is part of the freeze response. Essentially there is severe danger here, if I don't move and don't speak I might survive this. This is all unconscious as by this point you have lost conscious control.

I have also had the flight response and it is a really weird feeling when your body moves and you are not controlling it.

In small children it is also an anxiety response. So what you should do is build a relationship. No point insisting on them speaking as they won't be able to.

Maybe think of it like stepping towards a steep precipice, or walking in a straight line across a narrow high bridge, or stepping onto a high glass floor. In other situations, taking a step forward or walking in a straight line are a piece of piss. But your body might physically refuse to take a step forward towards a steep drop or onto a narrow bridge or glass floor, even if you intellectually know that it's totally safe because there's a fence/it has railings/the glass floor is engineered to withstand twenty elephants jumping on it. You want to step forward, it's safe to step forward, nothing is stopping you stepping forward, but your brain/body simply won't allow it.

Thank you. I think they thought it was deliberate because I would speak to my friend at lunch and break away from teachers, and I could speak at home. But I honestly couldn't make a sound when teachers asked me to speak. This was in the late 90s/early 00's, so hoping schools have more awareness of things like that now. I can talk to anyone now, but I still worry I'll relapse and suddenly be unable to talk, I still have nightmares about it.

The child may not look like they are panicking but it is a panic response. The brain has learnt that it cannot cope with what is being asked of it and so opts out.

It's like a phobia of speaking in certain contexts. Look at a book called 'the selective mutism resource manual' and smira website

I suffered in childhood. My anxiety was so high at times that it just rendered me incapable in a way that “mind over matter” couldn’t overcome. I think my nervous system was in a constant state of dysregulation. It was awful. I had ACEs, and I’m on the diagnostic pathway for autism.

Ultimately, don't force or expect someone to talk if they can't. Find another way. A communication book, or whiteboard.

My daughter writes things down on her phone during appointments if she wants to 'say' something. She will also use a small whiteboard to communicate with her various practitioners and sometimes her teachers. The communication book she uses is just a notebook which can have pre-prepared scripts written in it.

Examples:

I'm sorry. I have situational mutism and I can't speak at the moment / can't do this task right now.

I'm feeling overwhelmed and need some time out. Could I be given this as homework to complete in my own time.

Sorry, I'm not being rude, but I can't speak right now.

I'm not feeling well.

Etc.

My daughter has a great SALT and has also been offered Psychotherapy by CAHMS. She can't engage with this personally, so it has been agreed with her SALT that we will have Parent led psychotherapy, which will involve me attending (like a training course) and helping her that way. Again, the pressure absolutely has to be taken off with no expectation of the person to speak. SALT involves very small goals agreed with the person / therapist / parent to the extent they feel able.

That is disgusting. I'm so sorry this happened to you 💐