Can anyone explain selective mutism to me please?

[sharptoothlemonshark]

I find this really puzzling.

I have another student with selective mutism right now, but she is not my first. if I ask her something she can write down the answer but can't speak to me.

I heard on the BBC that the male killer sentenced today gave his evidence like this, as he is also selectively mute - and the judge accepted it is totally beyond his control. I have never thought it WAS under the individual's control, but I just find it very puzzling.

If you can do something, you can do it, but not always!! I have tried to reason with myself that it might be like me pulling my clothes off and parading around topless - I can do it at home, but if asked to do it in the supermarket may find myself physically unable to. I don't know, is it anything like that?

Please if you have any experience or understanding of this condition, I would very much like to hear it

I teach a couple of people with selrctive mutism. The joy j ferl when thry can speak is earth- shattering. Makes my day.

The term 'selective' is misleading. I (along with many other autistic sometime-mutes) prefer the term 'situational'.
'Selective' suggests we have some control over it. If you are choosing not to speak, you are not mute.
'Situational' explains that the circumstances in which we find ourselves prevent us from speaking. Neurotypicals become angry if we don't respond immediately to their questions. That doesn't help.
It's nothing like being able to walk around topless at home but not when you're out! That's a matter of choice and respect for local customs and laws.
If the child you are working with can respond in writing, let her. You're on a winner there. Respect her. Or him.

My DD had this, I didn't realise it was a thing at the time. I knew she wouldn't/didn't talk to her teacher or the class assistant (aged 4/5), but I just thought she was shy, you couldn't stop her talking at home so I didn't think she had a problem with speech. She grew out of it the next school year, coincidentally (or not) she much preferred the teacher in the next class, apart from being quiet, shy and having a lovely disposition she also had a very stubborn streak.

I only realised years later that it was selective mutism, I would have been much more worried at the time if I had known. I eventually took in a recording of her chatting away to prove that she did actually speak, I think up till then the teachers were convinced I was lying and she was not really able to speak at all.

I was selectively mute for the first year of primary school. The reason?- I was a chronically shy and anxious child and had some stressors at home. I would never answer the register when they called my name for example. I wanted to badly, but the anxiety felt utterly paralysing and I simply couldnt make the words come out of my mouth- the thought of everyone looking at me when I spoke felt like paralysing fear. It was like I froze and couldnt do anything about it. I had an absolutely wonderful teacher who told me it was perfectly ok and didnt pressure me about it and to talk when I was completely ready. She didnt ask me why, she didnt pressure, she didnt get angry or assume I was being rude. That helped me so much because making a big thing about it or questioning why I couldnt talk made the anxiety worse.

After about a year I finally said yes when she called my name and she gave me a huge warm smile and simply said she was so glad to hear my voice. I will never, ever forget that teacher. She did more for me than she will ever know.

Now I'm an adult I dont stop talking and can talk for England 😂

My son had this - a more helpful way would be to think of it as elective mutism rather than selective.
It's absolutely not a choice - it's anxiety based and can persist for years - even to adulthood.

Luckily with our son we were able to work hard on his anxiety as a toddler and thankfully he started to use his voice outside of the home at nursery just before he transitioned to school

Oh and to add to my post above ^^ yes my son subsequently was diagnosed with autism

It’s very dependent on multiple factors eg

If I’ve had a good nights sleep, kept to my routine and nothing unexpected has happened I’m able to say a few words or have for example a pre planned conversation with someone eg dh who understands my limits.
If I e slept badly, had a bad day, stress and out of routine and someone randomly approaches me and asks me something it’s as if the ‘tube’ connection between my thoughts and words and my voice disintegrates immediately and my vocal cords are frozen . I can’t even think a sentence properly everything is mixed up and wrong (I get this before a migraine too )

I used to blush horrifically at the same time (eg when asked a question in class and was unable to speak) so that made it worse . Still happens sometimes but the blushing is less of an issue now. I also have autism

I had a version of this for some months as an adult when under a lot of rather puzzling directed bullying at work (realised many years later that a colleague I had thought of as a friend was steering the boss and other managers).

I was almost unable to produce sounds when in the workplace, and even away from it could only croak. It was horrible, puzzling and painful. Eventually some aspects of the external stress eased, with help from the Union, and I recovered my voice. It was entirely real and involuntary, and made the stressful situation much worse while it lasted because I couldn't stand up for myself. Luckily I did have some real friends.

I recent years I've read a lot of people writing about their ADHD and thought 'isn't everyone like that? Isn't that just normal?' - so I suspect that may have been a factor too.