Can anyone explain selective mutism to me please?

[sharptoothlemonshark]

I find this really puzzling.

I have another student with selective mutism right now, but she is not my first. if I ask her something she can write down the answer but can't speak to me.

I heard on the BBC that the male killer sentenced today gave his evidence like this, as he is also selectively mute - and the judge accepted it is totally beyond his control. I have never thought it WAS under the individual's control, but I just find it very puzzling.

If you can do something, you can do it, but not always!! I have tried to reason with myself that it might be like me pulling my clothes off and parading around topless - I can do it at home, but if asked to do it in the supermarket may find myself physically unable to. I don't know, is it anything like that?

Please if you have any experience or understanding of this condition, I would very much like to hear it

I have ASD and get this, generally when I am very very socially tired. I know the feelings etc I wish to express but it’s like my brain can’t link the feeling I wish to express with the part that associates it to words that come out of my mouth.

I often find I can make repetitive sounds and noises when I really focus on making sound come out but if I focus on the feeling I want to express, nothing happens. My brain forgets how to link the two.

For me speech is not the most natural form of expression- to talk I put a lot of manual effort into deciding what and how to say something so I presume when I am tired my brain just decides it’s hard enough of that.

It’s actually very scary because I can’t ask for help if I need it and it’s often a warning sign for a meltdown. There are things that can be done to prevent the meltdown e.g. remove all demands, put comfortable clothes on, turn off lights, but I am usually unable to do these things for myself also and unable to ask for help… it then reminds me that if I am in pain or had a real emergency, I don’t think I could communicate. Myself and my husband have had to put strategies in place to support this,

I used to have it growing up. Not sure I have it now as I avoid speaking to people as much as possible, so wouldn't know.

You literally can't speak, if you were talking to me and the building was burning behind you I wouldn't have been able to tell you. It wasn't within my control and wasn't with everyone. It was worse with groups of people and people I didn't know well (teachers, doctors etc).

I have a student with selective mutism. He can speak when he's comfortable and can be very articulate. He's also autistic and it's basically an anxiety thing. As he's got to know me, he can talk more.. sometimes he can talk to his peers. He even did a presentation (we were thrilled to bits) but very much depends on the day. It takes a lot of trust I think and trying to take pressures off as much as possible.

So if I could give an example.

I was on a meeting with an auditor. The department hadn't done e what they should have done (not my fault and I'd been appointed 2 weeks previously to clear up the mess).

He reminded me of my ExH. As he started asking aggressive questions I was very aware it was just me and him in the room. I got very anxious and couldn't answer a question.

There was a gap and he could see I looked bad so he kept talking. I could follow what he was saying and knew he was playing for time to let me calm down. But I was past that point by then and when he made a move as if to stand up I left the room without intending to do so. More accurately my body left the room and I just felt the overwhelming need to find safety.

I was following what he said at all times.

My daughter is selectively mute.
She's also autistic but has a very advanced vocabulary.
It's totally anxiety driven and she's told me that in some situations that her anxiety gets overwhelming and even if she tries to talk it feels like her throat is closing up and her hear beats too fast.
It scares her so she just doesn't speak to prevent the panicking she physically feels.
She's only 9 so we are still hoping that she can overcome this 😢

Ultimately you don't need to be able to rationally explain it to yourself in order to teach your pupil effectively. It sounds like she already has adjustments in place in order to participate, so continue to use those. In general, don't ever ask or demand that she speaks in any context. If she is able to, she will. It may well be that if she comes to trust that your classroom is consistent and reliable, that she may be able to speak in circumstances that she is comfortable with. Or she may not. Your goal isn't to get her to speak, but to help her learn.

My daughter has selective mutism. She describes it as a physical feeling (heavy, sometimes painful) in her chest and she physically can't talk. It's related to anxiety which is related to ASD. She didn't really speak in school.

My DD has situational mutism. It's a form of anxiety. She first developed it aged 2 and stopped talking to any adults at nursery - she would only communicate via another child. Things improved at primary school and she spoke a bit, although always quiet. She has got worse at secondary school and suffers quite badly with anxiety around school. Unfortunately, because she got a bit better at primary school we didn't seek help when she was younger. The older they are, the harder it is to get any support. We are waiting for input from the SALT team but have been told it's largely strategies for parents.

My DD has what is called "low-profile" mutism - she can speak minimally if the fear of the consequences of not talking is greater than the fear of talking. Eg if she thinks she will get in trouble for not answering a question she might be a ke to come out with a one-word answer. Some people with situational mutism cannot speak at all in certain situations, even if they wanted to. Their voice literally "freezes". There can be links to autism and we are waiting for an assessment.

Things that have helped at school to some extent are absolutely no pressure to talk or answer questions and sitting with a friend in lessons. School remains very challenging for her though. At home with us she speaks freely and is loud and argumentative. She has always struggled to speak in other situations though and still doesn't converse with adults she has known for years, eg friends' parents, although she can do things like ask for a bus ticket. I worry a lot about her and hope things get easier as she gets older.

I'm autistic, it happens to me. Very much not a choice. Put simply, speech is just not available to me at that time. I can still think, and therefore can write an answer down.

I suppose its like if you were given an anesthetic that numbs your legs. You do know how to walk, but at that point it just isnt an option for you.

For some children where they don't appear to be outwardly panicking or scared- its easier to think of it as a subconsious coping mechanism. It's not in her control and she might not even know why it's happening.
There is an anxiety response within her and as a reaction her brain has taken away talking as an option. So she is functioning and able to do other things but the speech is gone. When that background anxiety is gone, so when she is at home or maybe just with one person, she has enough space in her head for talking to be possible again.

In class I would just not draw attention to it, not pestering her to try and speak a bit or telling her to calm down and try. If she does say something one day, it doesn't mean she can do it again and I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if it does happen. Engage with her written answers and try and keep things supportive and low pressure for her. School may always be a situation where speaking isn't an option for her, but I would try to make it a posutive and not scary experience as possible for her.

DD has described it as her brain running fast through everything. Will they hear me, will they understand, will I say the right thing...

So no words come. She looks like a deer caught in headlights.

As she becomes used to a situation, or a person, she manages odd words, then longer and longer sentences. For example... she speaks fine at school now (she's 12) She will even speak in drama lessons... but not in drama club at school. Ironically she loves drama club and the teacher finds her non speaking stuff to do. A completely unknown teacher, like an external substitute teacher... she can't answer the register. A friend will for her.

Look for non verbal communication... DD can't say thank you to a stranger but will flash them a smile. Or small nods and shakes of the head. Pointing.

Thank you for being understanding. Some people aren't. DD has been labelled rude quite a few times.

You know nothing about the subject, as you have stated. So what makes you think you would know what the internalised panic and anxiety looks like? My daughter had Selective Mutism (glad to see the move towards 'Situational', much better description) from an early age. She is highly intelligent and driven, walked the 11+ from her underperforming primary, got all 9s at GCSE, and A*s at A Level. She's been on the Dean's List the past academic year and offered research. Subsequent to her selective mutism diagnosis, she was also diagnosed with extreme anxiety and depression and became suicidal as a teenager. These things are not mutually exclusive.

I do not get the vibe that you 'want to understand' at all. Particularly based on your starting off with the 'male killer' comment.

My son and daughter have situational mutism as part and parcel of their autism.It is really debilitating. They are both adults now so know that they can't ask for things in a shop (they can say thank you) so will leave without what they need. They can't ask for a fare on a bus so avoid that. Dd wouldn't be able to ask to get past somebody so worries about getting stuck, she couldn't shout for help if needed so it makes being out and about more anxiety inducing which feeds the situational mutism. She has fortnightly speech therapy where they work on strategies to help with this. Ds has practised speeches that he uses with me so every day he says the same thing to me. Anything outside that he texts,emails or leaves me a note or the most annoying thing is he tells exh to tell me because he can talk to him. I try not to find it hurtful when he comes and chats to his Dad and brother when they visit but goes silent if I walk in but I invariably do.

There was quite a big study in 2018. It found that of the participants who had all been diagnosed with SM, 63% also met the diagnostic criteria for autism with a further 20% having "subclinical traits". https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5944454/#:~:text=In%20this%20study%20of%20a,20%25%20had%20subclinical%20autistic%20traits.

When I spoke to the SALT a few months ago, she said their guidelines have changed to consider autism alongside selective mutism.

My son became situationally mute after a mental health crisis. He is AuDHD (autistic with ADHD inattentive), with generalised anxiety disorder. He is 18.
He says that he knows what he wants to say, but he can't physically speak. He can write or type.
In terms of what to do - basically ignore the fact that they're not speaking. Honour all forms of communication. In much the same way that you would deal with a stutter - don't try to finish sentences, give plenty of time for responses, don't try to speak for them.

My child has it and it can range from freezing/panicking and turning away to looking quite interactive with what is going on, and communicating through flash cards/toys/hand gestures. It can be a wide range for the same child, just depending upon the circumstances.

To use your running around topless scenario - perhaps it’s how you, as someone who is reserved and suffers with anxiety, would feel running around in front of your employer/parents/PIL/school head etc (ie could not do it) to running around on a beach where most people are also topless and don’t know you (might feel self conscious but ok) to running around at home when it’s only the cat that can see you (it’s ok).

Selective or situation mutism isn’t a choice but just how the different levels of anxiety impact who/where/why when it comes to talking. With me, at home where familiar, my child is an absolute chatter box.

My sister had it when we were small children. Couldn't talk outside of the house. I'm not sure if I ever truly believed in it, and a speech therapist did suggest that she was stubborn- which may have been a bad, 80s, viewpoint- but I never did understand it so would love to hear an explanation that makes sense.

There are many people on this thread who have given clear and detailed explanations of why they have been or are situationally mute. What else do you need to understand?

I get this sometimes under extreme stress, it was worse as a child and teen. At these times my mind might be racing but I can’t figure out what to say or how to say it, or at other times my mind is totally blank because I’m so overwhelmed. The more pressure to speak the worse it is. I honestly can’t talk when it comes up, it’s not a choice. I just physically can’t.

I’m pretty sure I had it. In the early school years eg nursery/reception I literally found I was unable to talk. It was like something was sticking my mouth together. I felt overwhelmingly anxious. I wished I could talk and I hated not being able to. At home it was fine and I was a real chatterbox.

Exactly and it made me panicky that I couldn’t

One of the children in my class has selective mutism. One of the other teachers didn't believe it because she talks freely to me. It's anxiety based and they can't control who they can/can't talk in front of!

I suffered from this as a child. I was being sexually abused by a family member and it felt like the secret was too big and physical. I remember feeling like something was stuck in my throat and I just absolutely couldn't speak. Especially around authority figures.
Eventually after disclosing the abuse and therapy it retreated and went away

My daughter has it. The school picked up on it very early on. She basically didn’t speak from Reception to Y2 when she was finally diagnosed. I didn’t recognise how they described her at school because she was very chatty and articulate at home. The school got a diagnosis sorted very quickly, quickly implemented measures to help her in class - all sorts of non verbal ways to communicate with her - and me and DH would go in at lunch every day for sliding in sessions, where basically we’d sit and chat with her and get her used to speaking around other people.

Linked go this is her exhibiting rejection sensitivity dysphoria where she absolutely cannot cope with anything she perceives to be rejection and explodes in panic, screaming my name or her sister’s over and over and over and over, and it’s like she can’t see us. We can’t get through to her when she’s like that and we have to just hold her until she calms down. Same panic as the mutism, just the other side of the coin.

I had this as a child.

The best I can explain it is that it feels physically a lot like a stammer (which I also had later, and my kids also had). You can try immensely hard to control it, but it is just something your body does to you.

Part of your brain sits there, watching and willing your body to behave differently, but it won’t cooperate.

With a huge amount of effort, patience and help you can gradually overcome it for the longer term. But “in the moment” you just sometimes have it, and sometimes don’t, usually depending on who you are talking to and level of stress/comfort.