Can anyone explain selective mutism to me please?

[sharptoothlemonshark]

I find this really puzzling.

I have another student with selective mutism right now, but she is not my first. if I ask her something she can write down the answer but can't speak to me.

I heard on the BBC that the male killer sentenced today gave his evidence like this, as he is also selectively mute - and the judge accepted it is totally beyond his control. I have never thought it WAS under the individual's control, but I just find it very puzzling.

If you can do something, you can do it, but not always!! I have tried to reason with myself that it might be like me pulling my clothes off and parading around topless - I can do it at home, but if asked to do it in the supermarket may find myself physically unable to. I don't know, is it anything like that?

Please if you have any experience or understanding of this condition, I would very much like to hear it

@fedupandstuck I hadn't read an explanation that I understood at the point I wrote the reply. I have now. HTH, thanks for policing the thread.

@LambriniBobinIsleworth happy to help

I have awful memories of having this in my second year of primary.

The background is that I was born with a hearing loss, officially mild to moderate, but there was nothing mild or moderate about weekly expeditions into the capital for 1970s style speech therapy, or wearing a chest belt with two boxes the size of early mobiles and wires coming out of them, or the prejudice that you faced as a ‘handicapped’ 🤨 child.

Reception year, I was fine. Second year, it all just got…too complicated. There was noise, the teacher kept shouting at us to be quiet, I kept quiet but nobody else did, I had to navigate a ton of new instructions and was aware I might be in trouble if I got stuff wrong, and for some reason I started whispering, and then stopped talking at school, and then Not Talking became an issue and it snowballed from there.

I don’t know, I think it’s anxiety in the same way that a phobia is, in that you don’t appear anxious when not encountering your phobia. As long as I didn’t have to speak, I was fine. If they tried to put me on the spot, I literally couldn’t. The teacher was naively cruel and tried to make me read out loud in front of the class, and when I stood there in tears, she shouted at me. Even my DM didn’t understand at the time and told me I was just being stubborn; a very early example of gaslighting. She knows a lot better now.

Looking back, that was a textbook case of sensory overwhelm. I had all this confusing noise coming at me through non-selective amplifiers. I had visual stimulation and movement everywhere. I had to decide where to pay attention and which instructions applied to me. I think not speaking was essentially my way of making my six-year-old’s world a bit simpler. Until it made it more complicated instead.

I have ASD and can be selectively mute in some circumstances although now very rarely.

To give the OP an example that might be relevant for her student:

At school I once gave a wrong answer to the teacher in a Biology lesson. I can't even remember what happened now but somehow I felt her response to be humiliating.

I didn't speak again in class to teachers for about 4 years, long after I'd forgotten exactly what the trigger was. The idea of saying the wrong thing was overwhelming.

Despite this I was perfectly able to talk to my friends, and could talk to the teachers in 1-to-1 situations. Every parents evening the feedback was 'I wish Anna Magnani would talk in class, I know she has so much to offer'. Unfortunately this just made it worse as it raised the stakes.

Often I really wanted to speak but it's like you just can't however much you try.

I suffer with this.

Sometimes I can't move or speak no matter how much I might be screaming inside. It is a ptsd freeze reaction when I'm stressed, anxious or otherwise experiencing triggers.

Other times I cannot speak at all no matter how much I am trying to or screaming inside, but I can type or write.

It is dissociation and trauma for me.

I am on the wait list to be assessed for AuDHD but also have PTSD and cPTSD.

This does make more sense, the description of NOT being panicked while NOT trying to speak - this fits with what I see in the class.

Thank you

You’re welcome OP. 😊

I’ll tell you also what did help a bit. I used to have a teacher for the deaf come over to the school once a week. She was a lovely lady who took me into a small separate room for some 1-1 time, and gave me lots of Fuzzy Felt games to play. I used to talk to her, albeit in a bit of a whisper, but it did help weaken the barrier.

I started talking again in the next academic year, with a different (better) teacher, a long summer break and a bit more brain development I guess - knowing my way around what was expected of me made classroom life a lot easier to navigate.

Oh, and I also got new hearing aids.

It isn’t about you. You don’t need to understand it. Just respect it.

I have pretty bad anxiety but mutism isn’t an issue for me. I do know how it feels to be able to physically do something, but you just CAN NOT. Please understand that anxiety is rarely logical and you are trying to apply logic to it. It doesn’t work like that.

I know this is an old post but I have just popped in to say that selective mutism isn't in any kind of official process of having its name changed. What happened was that some people (autistic people, mainly) just started using situational and it was picked up by certain trainers etc. The national charity released a press release reminding people that at diagnosis the family must be given the name "selective mutism" as that is what the condition is called. If families then want to use situational mutism to explain to others that is up to them. The reason this is important is in terms of accessing information, charity support and benefits people do need to know what condition they actually have.

"Selective" is easily misunderstood but it is in fact medically accurate as it just means "some of the time rather than all of the time". It's a grammatical form that means "(the condition) has the tendency to select" - ie not happen at all times. Tbh I don't understand why it confuses so many people. Like "she uses assistive technology" doesn't mean that she is helping the technology, it means the technology has the capacity to assist. Or "He is in protective custody" doesn't mean that he is looking after the custody, it means the custody he is in has the capacity to protect him. Anyway that's an aside.

I don't think people are confused by it. It's just that "selective" suggests it's a choice. Like they are selecting when to speak and not to speak. Situational suggests it's the situation that is causing it which is more real to most people's experience.

I prefer the term situational but usually forget to say it as selective is ingrained in me!

Then you are confused by it, because that isn't what "selective" means in this context. It has nothing to do with the person "selecting", as I tried to explain.

Anyway affected people can call it what they like, as long as they also know the official name for purposes of claiming benefits or finding online communities.

I'm not confused. I know what it means, I'm just outlining why some people don't like it. It's more about how other people perceive it. It is applied to a person and a person being selective implies making a choice. I know that's not what it means it's just a perception that people are uncomfortable with.

You are quite patronising and assuming I have a lack of education.

And actually the example you've given is irrelevant as this isn't medical in the same sense.

My 7 year old is selectively mute. It is completely anxiety based. She has finally started speaking at school in a group situation. Every year she will eventually speak to the teacher 1 on 1 normally by November. In family social situations she will speak to immediate family only, but bigger groups and wider family and friends she won't speak to them unless it's about her cat. So all the close friends and family know now to talk about the cat and she will start to relax and they may get other conversations out of her that way. Some people think it's rude, but she totally freezes, occasionally get one word answers out of her, but it is just anxiety.

I had this as a child. My advice would be-
Don’t put any pressure on them to talk. If they do communicate at all, don’t make a big deal of it, often this sets you back. Give them different ways to participate. Leave it open for them to talk or communicate if they want.

Although people focus on the mutism, the anxiety is the big thing and anything you can do to reduce anxiety is key. Don’t try to be the one to get them to talk. People try to do this and it makes it worse.

@imnotthatkindofmum
Yes it is medical in the same sense. It's a medical terminology diagnosis that is in the DSM 5 under anxiety disorders. That is precisely why it's called selective mutism - because the medics who named it understand that selective means "specific in action; not pervasive" and didn't fully appreciate that the person in the street would assume it means the child is choosing (selecting) when they speak. It does cause a lot of issues, but that is its name so that is what needs diagnosing unless and until it gets changed (which is not simple).

If I am patronizing it's because my first post was like "selective as a term is confusing to people because they think it means choosing, but actually it means non pervasive" and you came on and said "it's not confusing, it's just that people think it means choosing" which was exactly what I had just said people think. So I tried to explain again.

As you may not have noticed, if you look at my username you may get a clue that this is something I am well informed on.

I've occasionally taught students with this. I don't think that trying to understand it logically is that useful tbh, because it won't be a one-size-fits-all thing. The causes and the mental processes behind it may be very different for different people who have it.

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness You may prefer the term situational mutism and that is fine. However the national charity continues to advocate for good reason that the condition MUST be diagnosed as selective mutism as that is still its official name. It is not generally agreed to be "the preferred term".

https://www.selectivemutism.org.uk/news/#:~:text=We%20are%20releasing%20this%20statement,support%20people%20with%20the%20condition.

Its the preferred term amongst all the Autistic people I know and the people with it. Sorry if I didn't communicate up to your standard. Seriously Im talking about all this fucking trauma and thats what you respond on. thanks for that.

There's actually a debate ongoing about what SM is and whether we are looking at a number of situations / conditions where speech (more accurately, communication) is suppressed that are rather different.

We know

• some people with SM are not autistic

-some people have both SM and autism

• some autistic people describe a loss of speech in specific circumstances which is equally profound but not as consistent or predictable

The trouble is there's nowhere near enough research on aetiology or personal experience and ethically it's very hard to get consent to run this kind of research.

SMiRA has some valid concerns that what some of the autistic community describe as situational mutism may be a slightly different condition in mechanism (and therefore support), from "traditional" selective mutism. There's some ground swell around naming the more intermittent profound loss of communication skills in an overwhelmed autistic person "reactive mutism" which you can look up the early discussion on if you are interested.

Because the posts above you were covering that discussion and then you came on and reiterated that the preferred term is situational. I apologise for not responding to the trauma discussion. Believe me I am fully fully aware of the impact of this condition from a personal perspective.

You stated that I'm confused by it. That's what's patronising because I'm not confused, which is clear in what I said. In my initial response I was explaining to you how people feel. Not everyone is going to immediately assume it as a scientific term. We're not all medical people here but that doesn't mean I am therefore confused. I do actually understand the medical term of selective as I'm sure many others do, but it makes people feel "wrong" about it.

At no point have I suggested that you aren't well informed. You clearly are but the scientific facts and the feelings the words emote are separate which is what I was trying to outline.

In your opinion the example you gave was good. From a scientific perspective it makes sense but an example you gave yourself (rather than one generated by AI) which includes a person centric example (rather than a drug centric example) would be more accessible to people.

My daughter had this at primary, but is since recovered (still quiet at school, but can and does speak when needed).

One of the teachers who made best progress with her did the following things:

1. Asked mainly yes/no questions, so DD could respond non-verbally.
2. When offering choices, kept it to two at a time, and presented a choice with each hand, so that DD could point to her preferred hand/choice
3. If DD put her hand up in class for help, would come over and try to ask questions with non-verbal answers to narrow down the possibilities of what DD actually needed. Once understood, would explain/help and then ask if anything else was needed, and go through the process again if needed.
4. Gave DD a simple way to non-verbally ask to leave the classroom. She was then allowed to either go to the toilet and return, or go to the 'quiet nook' near the staff room and read. DD said if she went to the nook, either the teacher or the TA would pop out and check on her after 5-10 mins, but she could stay there until she felt centered enough to continue.

With all pressure off forcing DD to speak, her anxiety decreased massively and she was eventually able to start whispering to the teacher. She had been situationally mute at school for years so that was a massive step.

A little girl at my daughters' primary school had this challenge.

I got the feeling that her home life was very complicated, and we were going through a sequence of natural disasters at the time, so I think it was pretty understandable. She chattered with her friends just fine, and her family at home, but when the anxiety and uncertainty hit, she lost the ability to use her words. God I got so bloody sick on her behalf, of adults that insisted she could, if she only tried, and tried to force the situation. Way to make it that much bloody worse.

One of the greatest honours of my life was this wee girl bounding up to me, to proudly tell me she'd been put into my group for a school trip. Her Mum just about fell over backwards when she came to tell me the same thing, just for me to tell her I already knew - and when she asked how I knew, for me to reply that her daughter had told me!