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Original poster

When your primary kid goes to secondary, is it easier timewise (as a mum?)

81 replies

pristinemarine · 02/02/2024 14:49

Hello! My primary age kid will go to secondary school in September.

As a WFH single parent who does virtually every school run, which can take up to 1.75hrs a day (walking there and back) I am always pushed for time.

Mornings are getting ready for school then doing school run, then I get home, do some cleaning, try do as much work as I can from home, more cleaning, meal prep etc then it's time to go again by 2.45ish

I then manage to do a bit more work, cleaning, feed my DD or alternately we go to an after school club a couple of times a week

It is tiring and I never have enough hours in the day!

I am just wondering for all mums of secondary who were in a similar situation if things improved a lot for how much time you had in a day when they moved up?

I realise there will be other challenges but primary school is pretty exhausting so I can't wait until my kid can get herself to school etc.

Would love to know what difference it has made to your life, for better or worse! Thanks for reading :)

OP posts:
Landlubber2019 · 02/02/2024 14:56

I would say life is easier, I had a 30 min drive so that was 2hrs on the school run, we would often do swimming lessons, after school clubs so sometimes getting home was delayed.

Kids now walk themselves to school, no more after school clubs. They still do activities so I am still offering free Uber but on a day to day level it's much easier.

Downside though, when I am WFH and they are not in school we struggle for space and privacy as there are no kids clubs to pop them into, so it's not always without it's challenges!

Octavia64 · 02/02/2024 14:57

I still had to drive mine so not much difference.

If yours can get themselves there and back that's very helpful!

popandchoc · 02/02/2024 14:57

Are they going to be walking there and back ? I still drop and collect my daughter most days and have another child still at primary so hasn't made a massive difference to me.
I can imagine without the younger child things would be easier as my daughter does her own thing a lot of the time so i don't have to worry about always taking her places etc.

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GingerIsBest · 02/02/2024 15:01

I think the key question is how do they get to and from school? DS walks to secondary and yes, that has made life easier. The mornings less so but the afternoons massively so, especially if he has after school clubs etc. I also don't ever make him lunch as he can get lunch at the canteen. And he (largely) sorts his own bags etc out.

There are other challenges with secondary, but overall, I'd say that the increased independence etc is definitely a winner in terms of getting time back as an adult. Weekends as well - yes, I do lots of lifting and the like, but he is often off for hours at a time with very little intervention from me!

Finally, his extra curricular are, mostly, later now. Which also has challenges but from a work perspective, is great. I'm not having to finish work at 4pm to get him to something by 5.

OhItsOnlyCynthia · 02/02/2024 15:07

I think it hugely depends on what transport will be required. The bus stop for secondary school is round the corner from us so no difference to me - they'd been walking themselves to and from primary school (200m away) for a couple of years before they moved up, so I've never had much of a school run. And I'm not one for rushing around doing housework during the working day either, so I can't really relate to that. Work hours are just that, I'm in a different zone when I park up at my desk.

It made no difference to the average day for me is what I'm saying.

hopeishere · 02/02/2024 15:16

Only if they are going to be getting themselves to and from school!

Spendonsend · 02/02/2024 15:22

My eldest got his things ready and walked to and from school. He didnt need much from me at all. Did his own breakfast, got himself dressed, made his pack lunch etc.

Youngest has SEN and its still like reception.

SecondUsername4me · 02/02/2024 15:32

I wfh so I leave the house 7.45am, walk to drop off (8am breakfast club) and am back at my desk between 8.15 and 8.30.

I then work til 3pm, take 3-3.30 as my official break, to do the pick up, then work 3.30-4.15. This is for dc2. He goes into Y5 next year, and can then walk to and from school himself.

Dc1 is now in secondary, and she uses the local bus service so gets herself to and from school every day.

Could you utilise a breakfast club or after school club to get a few more hours in?

I do solely work between 8.30 and 3/3.30-4.30, only shoving laundry in etc when I boil the kettle for a mid morning/afternoon coffee. All proper housework is done after I clock off.

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 02/02/2024 15:38

Is your DC not getting themselves to school already in preparation for year 7?

I have much more time now as teens are able to organise their own social lives. We do need to be on standby by lifts at times. No more play dates, class parties, school assemblies, sports day. I love secondary school.

Beezknees · 02/02/2024 16:03

Yes, made a massive difference. I had to take DS to primary as it was too far to walk on his own, secondary is nearer so he walked himself.

Original poster
pristinemarine · 02/02/2024 16:34

thank you all for feedback. Sounds like it will be that bit easier! I hope so anyway.

DD is not getting herself to school as yet in y6 as it's a long distance over some super busy roads. I realise this might sound a bit babyish but when I discussed it with her she got upset and I'm more than happy to support her as long as she needs it. If she was confident I'd be more than happy but at this stage it's not what she wants.

I think by September she will be that bit more used to the idea and also as she gets a bus from around the corner it will be easier for her.

At the moment I'm just struggling with the very short day and long walking distances, clubs to facilitate and more. I'm sure I will miss some of it when DD starts secondary but it is pretty full on so am hopeful for a bit less pressure especially as a LP.

OP posts:
ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 02/02/2024 17:25

Your DD will certainly need to practice her journey before September but I understand not wanting to do the journey to her school alone just yet if it's a distance and difficult roads . We didn't start the walking to/from school until the summer term and in the first instance I met half way - mainly due to a difficult road to cross . And for us the secondary school journey was easier than primary as the only major roads had a proper crossing .

In terms of time, yes it made a big difference to me in that after the first couple of weeks DS took himself to school and back which meant that I was able to change my working hours so instead of doing a 9.30 - 2.30 I did 3 full days. Obviously different for you if you are WFH though - but as your DD gets older she will no doubt spend more time in her own room / amusing herself independently .

GoSmallOrGoAway · 02/02/2024 17:27

No. You'll become more nocturnal as they develop a social life.

MrsAvocet · 02/02/2024 17:41

It was easier for us as we used to have to drop and pick up at primary and it was always a bit of a juggling act to be sure that either DH or I could get to school on time. For secondary they went on a dedicated school bus that stopped literally at the end of our drive and they left home earlier and artived home later which meant we had more time. The only thing that was more difficult was after school clubs. There's no public transport between school and our village so them missing the school bus meant an hour's round trip for us. We had a rota with other parents to reduce the frequency with which we had to do it though. Obviously if your school is nearer that will be less of an issue. In general, I think most people find the longer school day and their children's increasing independence make life easier - at least from the logistical point of view.

RuthW · 02/02/2024 17:43

Year 7, it gets harder. They struggle with the amount of homework and aren't mature enough to do it alone and need lots of support. Year 8 is much easier.

PuttingDownRoots · 02/02/2024 17:44

I've found that as mine get older, the extra curricular activities move later into the evening. I'm out as late as 9pm now.

Also look at school hours.... DD1 leaves home at 8am, and is either home at 3pm or 4.10pm depending on whether she stays for an activity. Whereas DD2 leaves at 8.45 and is home at 3.35 from the Primary school (both have 5 minute walks)

SallyWD · 02/02/2024 17:47

As long as they can get themselves to and from school then it's much easier. My daughter walks each way. She also gets herself up in the mornings, makes breakfast, prepares her books for the day and leaves the house a few minutes after I've woken up so I have minimal involvement in her school routine. She does her homework unsupervised. Basically they become a lot more independent.
Another thing that happens is that they start managing their own social lives. At primary school I was always contacting other mums to arrange "play dates" etc. Now my daughter just phones me in the way home and says "I'm going to Emma's house" and that's that!

FearMe · 04/02/2024 09:19

I think if you struggle to manage day to day with just 2 of you, it will continue to be so. We have 2 teens in different schools, 2 parents and its a constant struggle even though we both have excellent work flexibility. I've found secondary is more prone to random schedule changes and activities outside school, meet ups at the weekend etc.

EffortlessDistraction · 04/02/2024 09:51

Mine did a lot of out of school activities at that age and that part got harder not easier we were out every night taxiing them to swimming, football etc, and it was all later / further away. It calmed down a lot from about y9 as the school work ramped up. Also friends tend to live further away so lifts are needed etc. The actual school day was easier without having to do the school run though. One of my friends DC went to a secondary that finished for the day really early and was home by about 2.30 every day, she hadn’t really thought about that and said it was harder to focus on her work when he was hanging around all the time and then once she had finished work he needed ferrying to sports etc.

yellowsun · 04/02/2024 09:54

You need to do lots of practicing with the bus over the holidays. I think the start of Y7 was more difficult as they need to get into routines with the stuff they need and managing homework. It gets easier though!

Agapornis · 04/02/2024 09:55

I know you didn't ask for any changes you could make now, but can't you get bikes (secondhand they're usually very affordable) and cycle? It could cut down a 25 minute walk to about 8-10 minutes (more if it's very hilly, unless you go electric). Instead of 1h45m it would only take you 40 mins.

CoffeeWithCheese · 04/02/2024 09:57

Not much of a difference to us because we still have to take DD by car (just because of where we live relative to the local bus routes it doesn't work out unless they do multiple changes), but she chooses to walk across the local park with her friends so pick up is a bit easier as we can just park up there instead of fighting with the school gates traffic chaos.

Tiredalwaystired · 04/02/2024 10:01

As well as time you gain if they can get themselves to and from school , you also find that December is suddenly less stressful!

No more diaries full of concerts, Christmas fairs and trips to see Santa!

on the downside, no more concerts, Christmas fairs or trips to Santa…

astoundedgoat · 04/02/2024 10:04

HUGELY easier - if they can now get themselves to school independently. Mine cycle or bus. I couldn’t believe how much more time I had when they were all in secondary and have started a PhD to celebrate!

Noidontknowwhatiwant · 04/02/2024 10:12

I would say physically they might need you less, but emotional support and being available to them increase in secondary school. Friendship dramas, changing teachers every hour, homework, social media nonsense, puberty etc etc

Some parents seem to almost give up on parenting and focus on work when they go up.