When your primary kid goes to secondary, is it easier timewise (as a mum?)

[pristinemarine]

Hello! My primary age kid will go to secondary school in September.

As a WFH single parent who does virtually every school run, which can take up to 1.75hrs a day (walking there and back) I am always pushed for time.

Mornings are getting ready for school then doing school run, then I get home, do some cleaning, try do as much work as I can from home, more cleaning, meal prep etc then it's time to go again by 2.45ish

I then manage to do a bit more work, cleaning, feed my DD or alternately we go to an after school club a couple of times a week

It is tiring and I never have enough hours in the day!

I am just wondering for all mums of secondary who were in a similar situation if things improved a lot for how much time you had in a day when they moved up?

I realise there will be other challenges but primary school is pretty exhausting so I can't wait until my kid can get herself to school etc.

Would love to know what difference it has made to your life, for better or worse! Thanks for reading :)

Depends on the school and if the DC is into performing arts. One of mine was in the school choir and the Christmas plays, most of it was in the after school / evening times but it meant December was as hectic as it had been in primary school.

Another thing I didn't think of was that both mine needed braces so that was numerous trips to the orthodontist during working hours. Seemed like every week at one point (it wasn't). I agree about the enotional support need going up, it is a huge adjustment for them logistically and socially.

It’s easier and harder. I am driving DC to activities later into the evening.

Like others say, plays and extra curricular is more frequent and more in the evenings.

I'd say the start of year 7 can be as hard as the start of reception depending on the child... new place, new travel arrangements, new friendship groups that do/don't work, the complication of phones/whatsapp groups to cause more issues, homework...

Beyond that though I think it depends on school location/travel arrangements. Mine get themselves there and back so that makes a huge difference in time. You can work from the moment they leave and remain working till they show up if that works - and if you are used to working from the moment you get back from the school run it is a good habit. So you might gain a couple of hours a day there.

Clubs and evening activities can increase a bit - as 1 swimming lesson turns to swim club and increases to 3 sessions+ a week for example. Obviously this depends on the activities your child does. But they are more likely to do activities locally perhaps dependant on where you live?

The cleaning/feeding will remain - however they might be more capable of helping as they get older. My DD cooked once a week from about yr8 - but that was 'her thing'

I think in answer to your question - Life changes, and yes maybe more time as she becomes more independant but that depends on your location, and her level of indepednance...

Yes it's easier. But you can start before then by getting your child to get up and dressed and breakfasted themselves. And pack bags, lunch etc . They're old enough.

I'd say school drop off/collection is easier but I still have my youngest in primary school so my fantastic dad and uncle do pick ups when I'm working.
The one thing I've noticed and didn't expect is that I'm out later in the evening now. My eldest has recently started his first job which he gets himself too on the bus but as there are no buses when he finishes, I go back out to pick him up at 9. Wr also have football training which seems to start later the older they get so a couple of times a week I'm out until 8.30/9ish then.
It seems easier but I do find myself hanging around and waiting for them a lot more when I'd have been sat down and chilling a couple of years ago.

My DD is leaving the house at 7.50 and scooting to school, back about 4. I can really see my time opening up in the future when dd2 starts. My DH WFH nearly full time so I won't even need to be home at 4.

Will DD be able to get a bus? If so then yes you’ll get all that time back that you used to spend on the school run. Our school run time increased as instead of driving 4 miles to the primary school, eldest son goes to a private secondary 7 miles away. So we leave earlier and I drive him there, then drive 3 miles back to the primary school to drop younger child off and then drive 4 miles home. I’m back at my desk at 8:30am though to start work. I work through til either 3 or 4pm depending on whether the little one is doing after school clubs, and then whizz down to get him and (if it’s the later pickup) I go straight on to collect the eldest from school sports training. We then usually have some out of school sports training either for us adults and / or for the children (eldest is in swim club and swims 5 nights a week, youngest does 2 nights swim club and 3 nights other sports). I tend to clean & tidy before we go to school in the morning and after we get home at night (7:30/8:30pm) and do bits as and when I can around getting them dinner after school and before sports training. It’s full on, and although I’m not a single parent, my husband doesn’t do much of the household stuff as he works longer hours. What works for us is for me to be part time so I do the majority of housework, errands and admin on my two days ‘off’ each week, then on the days I work it’s just maintenance and cooking / clearing up etc.

We were within walking distance from the school.

Yes it was far easier, and the only time a parent need actually turn up at the school is once a year for parents' evening (or late afternoon), or if perhaps the dc are in performing arts groups, orchestra or whatever and they want you to go and watch. Those tend to be evening as well. Sports clubs are different, but the school tends to ferry them around to matches etc if needed.

Yr 7 can be tough so you will need to be there for emotional support. As Yr 7 progresses we are being needed more as taxi service as a fairly rural area but the parents take it in turn so it isn't too onerous.
I don't think secondary is any "easier" than primary do far apart from not having to attend random weekly things at 2.30pm 🙄

Definitely more time. They make their own way to and from school, out of school clubs are just drop off and pick up, for one of them my daughter walks with friends. More independent with homework and getting bag packed. They get detentions if they don't do homework or have the right equipment which motivates them to sort it themselves.

Our problem with the sports clubs in the evenings was that most of them were too far away to drop off, go home and pick up again so a lot of evenings were spent by a pool, football pitch etc. Although I made a lot of friends that way. Whereas when they were younger they were mostly in walking distance of home and earlier. Also getting later and later, we had three night a week of post-9 pm pickups for a long time. It was difficult planning meals round it all too. I'm glad we did it but it was hard work.

Mine all walked to and from in years gives and six and secondary actually finished earlier. It really depends on where it is and whether the route is walkable.

I'm finding it a lot easier. She walks herself to school (with another girl), I have an app on our phones where I can see when she's arrived at school and when she leaves. Occasionally after school she'll take herself off to the shops and buy herself some rubbish from Home Bargains and then walks home but will call me halfway if she's alone.

Yes, if your kid is getting themself to and from school, you will find you have more time. Plus, once they get the hang of it, homework and getting books and equipment/sports kit ready for school starts to become something they sort out themself as well. They just need to remember to take used kit out of their school bag to be washed… otherwise they will be asking for their pe top next week and it’s actually in a crumpled ball in the bottom of their bag.

If they join any after school activities or clubs however, you might end up ferrying them about to those. But that depends on whether they take them up in the first place- these things are optional. They do tend to organise meeting their friends on their own too, and disappear out to see them without all the organising that used to happen with arranging play dates etc. Less class birthday parties too!

I was starting to see a lot more free time being available once mine started secondary, and was planning everything I’d do with the time that didn’t revolve around either work or looking after kids… but within weeks of the first term, my parents needed help so I pretty much swapped childcare for parent care. So just be aware that life sometimes throws you a curve ball you weren’t expecting.

I found the main change was that the day is longer! I have to drop mine to the train station for 8 and then pick them up at 4, so yes, it's easier during the day. However, their evening activities often go on to 8-9pm so I'm doing taxi runs late 2/3 x a week, exam revision support, checking homework, emotional support, taking to girlfriends/boyfriends houses/ parties at the weekends. The primary school days of an early tea and knowing they're tucked up safely in bed, seem much easier in comparison.

My dc now walk to secondary so that was a massive game changer for me. I get up and get packed lunches while they eat breakfast that they sort themselves. They empty the dishwasher between them so we can refill with breakfast stuff.

term one of year 7 I was a bit over them, chasing etc but now I check they’re up and leave them to it. They know the timings and get themselves to school. If they’re late they get a log (so far they’ve never been late - years 11 and 8). I do very minimal parenting as I’m trying to get myself ready for work. Dd3’s best friend’s mum packs her school bag etc… so we’re all different, but this works for my girls.

In terms of school runs, yes it is easier. But don't get too comfortable as the first 3 months of secondary seems to be prompting them to become more independent with checking lessons, ensuring homework is completed on time, packing bags etc. Then the social aspect starts to kick in so you're ferrying them around to this place and that place and facilitating their busy social lives. Then friendship drama and girlfriend/boyfriends begin. Not to mention if you get a sporty/drama kid, the endless extra curricular activities. Oh and food tech which is essentially homework for parents.

But school runs are non existent at least 🤣

@Stressfordays OMG food tech. That is the worst thing ever. DC1 have that on the day after her orchestra and guides night. So I am out taking them to activities and then chop and pack her food tech ingredients for the next day. I’m lucky that both orchestra and food tech are within 10min drive. I can squeeze in dishes, laundry and food tech in between pick up and drop offs. Many parents drive 30min to the area orchestra. They are stuck waiting while the kids play.

It depends on which school they go to and how they will get there. DS does not go to the nearest secondary, it was and still is one of the worst in the locality. The decision was made to send him to one still in catchment, but not easily accessible.
I have to question the amount of cleaning you are doing. Three times a day? Surely no house needs cleaning three times a day??

@DelilahBucket sorry I should have specified just short bursts rather than a long burst. I can't manage longer stretches and within cleaning I am counting most of the day to day things involved like sticking washing on and hanging it out etc. So am not a clean o holic. I think the main issue is being a single parent with a job and doing nearly 1.75hrs of school run and clubs on top.

We can't cycle unfortunately for various reasons.

For us, the DC now get the bus so the whole school run has been eliminated. They also get themselves entirely ready for school, have breakfast and so on with minimal chivvying which means I can exercise in the mornings (I do call DS half way through my run to make sure his alarm has gone off and he's awake).
After school, they get the bus home, let themselves in and get a snack. This means that, if I'm on a call, I'm not interrupted.
What has completely changed is that there after school clubs are much later. DC2 is Yr7 and one evening club is 7 - 8, another 7 - 8.30 and another 6.30 - 8.30. DC1 is also doing clubs so I have a timetable each evening to make sure they both get dropped off, picked up, get fed and things

They’re only 6 weeks older at the start of year 7 than at the end of year 6. They don’t suddenly become more organised, street wise, motivated etc because of the change of schools.

If anything, the new routine, needing to pack a bag every day, having homework from different subjects set on different days and due in on different days, needing to be organised for food tech, remembering after school sports matches, clubs etc and how to get home from them adds a huge amount of pressure and ime they need a huge amount more support in year 7 than in year 6.

Add to that that friends tend to come from a wider area, clubs tend to start and finish later just when they’re really tired from changing schools and it can be a very challenging time.

hopefully your dc will take it all in their stride but don’t get your hopes up that you’re suddenly going to get more time to yourself.

My son leaves at 7.30 back at 4 as the school provides a bus so when mine are both there will be easier