Traditions we have lost?

[Lydara22]

Brought on by family circumstance currently, I remembered that when I was a child, my mother always closed all of the curtains in the house as a respectful sign of mourning.
We don't do that anymore do we?

What other respectful traditions have we lost?

Aunt or uncle for friends of the family was quite common in the uk I think. Not so now.

I never called an older person by their first name. They were always Mrs or Mr. If they were close then they were called Aunty or Uncle.

I’m in my 60s and Whit walks were definitely a big thing on the other side of the Pennines. Brass bands, banners etc.

Yes to the wedding day scramble for coins….. I think this is local to the north and I can recall it being called the Hoy Oot. In my case (wedding day, 1980) the person giving the bride away heated a shovel full of coins on a fire or on a stove and then the shovel full of heated coins was thrown to the assembled childre waiting to see the bride leave her home to go to the church. Obviously the children knew the coins were hot and it was the bravest who got the most….

All of the above.

Sing songs round my nan and grandad's. My great aunt and uncle would pop in along with various cousins and the neighbours across the landing would come in as well. I can still hear my nan shouting to her neighbour "Come in Jeanie. The doors on the latch" 🥺

Also people popping to the shops each day rather than one big weekly shop. My nan's day wasn't complete unless she's been to get the paper and the gone to the bread shop.

Putting money in a baby's hand was still happening the early noughties round where I grew up.

Calling your parents friends auntie and uncle still happens with my friends. I'm Auntie Crazy to several children who are not biologically related to me. I can remember an aunt and uncle from my childhood. I asked my mum recently who they were and she explained that it was the brother of someone who married into my nan's family so very random but I remembered them from my childhood with affection.

Mid 40s, Grew up in London

and I do recall every door being open in our small neighbourhood area on New Year’s Eve, as people went from house to house to see in the New Year with their neighbours. If there was no one at home when you went in, they were only next door, so you could always find them. My new husband and I (married 1980) were always home by midnight so he could be our 1st foot. This was the first person over your threshold to bring you luck in the New Year….. traditionally a tall dark man carrying salt (food), coal (heat) and coins (prosperity). I can remember the panic one New Year when the dog beat my husband to getting over the threshold as a minute past midnight….. we didn’t know if a canine first foot might change things, but it didn’t make a lot of difference to the year.

I love all of this. Only once has a man deliberately walked on the outside of the pavement with me. I thought it was lovely.

When I had my son in 1986, a surprising amount of the elder folk in the neighbourhood called round to give “the little one” some silver (just 50ps 10ps etc) to welcome him to the world… never heard of this one and was very touched.

Definitely remember people bowing their head at funeral cortèges, and people did it when my Ddad passed away. Felt somewhat humbled at that, though I fear it to be fading with more modern times.. When my DH died, and the funeral car came to collect us, the builders over the road all came out, took their hard hats off and stood, heads bowed. I’d been ‘brave’ up until that point.

@CrazylazyJane

cross-posted with you about the new babies and money!👶

Some of the things on this thread have made me feel so tearful with nostalgia and the way we are becoming less civilised and connected with one another.

My mother does this!

@aliceinanwonderland i would really love to think it hasn’t died out completely.
I used to be on the buses that ran past two crematoriums, even before covid, no end of impatient drivers would cut into the procession, sometime only yards from the final destination.

@murasaki thats a blast from the past! I just had to Google, Brambly Hedge still exists.
https://bramblyhedge.com/shop/brambly-hedge-stationery-gifts-and-puzzles/

Yes always, a purse, wallet, handbag for a gift has a bit of money in it for luck.
Also, a knife, scissors, given as a gift has to be paid for in my family and friends community, so as not to 'cut the love.' So if someone gives you something like that you give them back a coin.

Some of the things I remember are probably universal.

Playing out on the streets. There were so many kids in my working class estate (no contraception back then). In summer we'd be out as soon as we'd had breakfast and we'd only come home for a quick sandwich or when we were called in for dinner or bed. Skipping, chasing, hide and seek, playing tennis, riding our bikes etc.

Buying and writing postcards when we went on holiday. And by holiday I mean a holiday at home in Ireland 'cos we couldn't afford to go abroad. You'd have to find a post office to buy stamps before you'd head home. Wealthier relatives would send them from abroad - exotic places like Blackpool or Spain. My Dad still sends postcards as do two of my siblings, but I don't bother myself. DD thinks it's a very quaint custom. It's definitely going to die out with the next generation. Why would you bother buying and writing a postcard when you can just take a photo of yourself and stick it on Instagram? Same with Christmas cards.

Calling neighbours Mr. or Mrs. Murphy as a mark of respect and never by their first names. My Mam's close friends were Auntie Mary and Auntie Kathleen.

It was considered very unlucky to buy anything for a baby before it was born - like tempting fate. You just bought the basics close to the due date. My Mam would have been horrified at the notion of a baby shower.

Kids scrambling for coins after a wedding was called a grushie here. Or was it gushie? I don't know if I've spelt it right because I've never seen it written down.

Hallowe'en has always been popular in Ireland but we made our own Hallowe'en costumes as kids. And when we knocked on doors chanting, "Help the Hallowe'en party", we'd just be given monkey nuts and the odd apple or mandarin. The only person who gave us sweets was the local shopkeeper.

There were lots of other traditions which are probably exclusive to an Irish/Catholic upbringing. We didn't realize it at the time but our lives were dominated by religion.

Going to confession on Saturday mornings and making up sins because you weren't going to confess your actual sins. Or maybe you had nothing to confess.

Going to mass on Sunday mornings.

Religious processions at certain times of the year - Corpus Christie and Mayday processions.

Not eating meat on Fridays.

Giving up things for Lent. A lot of time and thought was put into what you'd give up and it was a conversation topic around that time of year - adults would ask you what you were giving up for Lent just like they'd ask what Santa was bringing you for Christmas. Kids would give up things like sweets, chocolate, crisps, biscuits etc. and adults would give up sugar in their tea or cigarettes or alcohol. If I asked DD what she's giving up for Lent, she'd look at me as if I had two heads .

Holy Week and all of the services/ceremonies associated with it. On Palm Sunday, men would walk through the church carrying big palm branches - can't quite remember why. On Ash Wednesday/Spy Wednesday you'd receive ashes and compare your blob of ashes with your classmates'. We didn't really take it all that seriously. Holy Thursday was just a mass iirc. Or maybe that was the day when the priest would wash the feet of some of the congregation? Good Friday was the worst. It was supposed to be a very solemn, sad day because Jesus died on the cross for our sins. There was a verrrry long service called the Stations of the Cross which went on for hours and involved saying lots of rosaries. The Stations took place at 3 o'clock because that's the hour Jesus died. A lot of shops closed at 3 o'clock as a mark of respect and to allow their staff to attend the Stations. We weren't allowed to watch TV because, you know, Jesus died for your sins (spotting a theme here?) and if Dad did put the TV on (in later years), it would be to watch a religious film on RTE. You couldn't eat meat (because it was Friday) but it was a day of fasting, so you were supposed to eat three small meals and no snacks etc. And you couldn't drink alcohol at all. Restaurants weren't allowed to serve alcohol on Good Friday and pubs didn't bother to open because what's the point in opening a pub if you can't serve alcohol. This restriction was only lifted in 2018!

There was also a ceremony attached to a saint (Saint Blaise) - the priest would bless your throat and it was supposed to ward off sore throats and throat related illnesses. Google tells me this is the 3rd February.

I'm an atheist now and I'm glad that we (as a nation) have thrown off the shackles of Catholicism. But there was a rhythm to it all that I sometimes miss. Or maybe it's the social aspect that I miss - chatting to all your neighbours after mass on a Sunday, sleepy little kids clutching their toys at mass on Christmas morning etc.

Polishing shoes every night. I've still got my shoe cleaning stuff in an old biscuit tin. Plimsolls were whitened.

Ironing clothes.

Valentine cards being sent anonymously

(apologies if already mentioned. Will go back and read whole thread now)

I live in a community where, if someone local dies, people will still stand at their gate and bow their heads as the funeral cortège goes through the village. I find it very moving.

Me too. Have loved reading the emotion in the posts about all our late loved ones and their traditions/sayings too. They're still in our hearts always.

@Taytocrisps a lot of what you describe was also the same for working class Catholic communities in England. I remember Saturday confession and making up "sins" to confess - "I have taken the Lord's name in vain, father" - , Ash Wednesday, Lent, stations of the cross etc. And the priests were always Irish.

When did we stop writing dedications in the front pages of books we give as gifts? I love cracking open an old book and finding a handwritten message like "Dear Joan, I will always remember your kindness this year, love Ellen".

I also enjoy a good bookplate; "From the Library of Elspeth H.P. Mortonhall" or "Presented by the 4th District Boys Brigade for Punctuality". Love it.

I’ve seen the opposite. Growing up, I felt Rembrance Sunday was when the 11 o’clock silence was observed, and the eleventh itself was less important. We wouldn’t actually observe on the eleventh.

However, as tone has gone on, observing the two minute silence on eleventh has increased.

i can recall, back in mid eighties during a-level maths class, we all decided to observe silence on eleventh at eleven o’clock. Back then, life would have continued as normal, whilst today a school is more likely to have a service.

@Taytocrisps

So much of what you say also happened in England years ago. I'm in my sixties and I can remember discussions about giving things up for lent. Like you say, mostly sugar in tea or ciggies. I grew up rurally so maybe that made a difference. Pubs were always shut on Good Friday and shops too. Buying things for an unborn baby was also considered bad luck but most people I knew were poor so they had hand me downs anyway.

Children in my village were not allowed out to play on a Sunday, any Sunday. Was that the case in Ireland?

A male older colleague did this I remember many years ago. It was originally to stop a ladies clothes getting soiled by a wayward carriage wheel I think . However, same man took credit for all my work on his LinkedIn profile so it’s swings and roundabouts!

No, there was no issue with playing out on Sundays. Or at least, not when I was growing up in the '70s and '80s. Dad would often stop off at the playground on the way home from mass, especially on a sunny day. Or we'd stop off at the shop for ice creams.