I hate myself and my size. Shock of my life. I'm a lard arse.

[BigKnickersSize18]

I got weighed last night. I'm 14stones 11pounds and 5feet 1 and a half. I should be just below 9stones. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I've had my head in the sand over this for a long time.

I have aches and pains and get breathless going uphill and flights of stairs. I look like a teletubby.

I'm doing the giving up for lent thing seriously this year. No sweets cakes fizzy drinks or rubbish for 40 days then I'll address it seriously.

I'm terrified it's going to be so tough.

Just cut things out for Lent (40 days) then deal with it? You're kidding yourself.
I recommend watching 10 episodes of My 600lb Life, back to back to see every excuse and lie under the sun that overweight people tell themselves and everyone else to put off stopping overeating. Only one thing works - eating less. Strict calorie control. Good luck.

Please, OP, don't hate yourself. This stuff is horrible BS stopping you from enjoying your life. Some advice here about weight loss is great, some less great. Not eating things we like is tough. I think it's about motivation.
By the way, I'm a size 10-12, 5'8", hate my body sometimes with passion, especially when the belly goes up ridiculously once a month. I'm 44.
Lose these feelings first. 💐

How does telling a 5' 1"-nearly-15-stone person that you are 5' 8"-size-10-12 but hate your body help anyone?

Nice stealth boast wasn't it!

Walk or jog a park run every Saturday, drink more water, cut out sugar from hot drinks, eat more protein and get myfitnesspal for tracking.

With more protein, you'll feel full for longer and be less likely to overeat.

It reduces appetite and slows your digestion so you feel fuller for longer. I find the most significant impact is on your brain chemistry. Essentially it affects the reward centre of your brain so you don’t get or chase the ‘feel good’ feeling from food, which in turn stops you using food as an emotional crutch. People find it has the same impact on things like the urge to drink. Personally, it’s like my eyes have been really opened to how much of my food behaviours were driven by emotion and turning that off has really helped see and address those toxic behaviours.

previous to that, I’ve spent the last 10+ years lose carbing, intermittent fasting, meal replacement dieting, hiring personal trainers etc and nothing stuck long term.

For way of example, food yesterday was:

Brunch of 1 slice of toast, 1 fried egg, 1 slice of bacon and 3tbs baked beans

Apple for a snack

fajitas for dinner (1 large wrap with chicken, lettuce and cucumber)

No urge to snack in between, no urge to pick of chocolate or want desert etc. the house is full of snacks/chocolate (leftover from Xmas), but you just find you don’t care about them or even think of them being there.