I hate myself and my size. Shock of my life. I'm a lard arse.

[BigKnickersSize18]

I got weighed last night. I'm 14stones 11pounds and 5feet 1 and a half. I should be just below 9stones. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I've had my head in the sand over this for a long time.

I have aches and pains and get breathless going uphill and flights of stairs. I look like a teletubby.

I'm doing the giving up for lent thing seriously this year. No sweets cakes fizzy drinks or rubbish for 40 days then I'll address it seriously.

I'm terrified it's going to be so tough.

Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed!

You are worth taking care of. Your body is worth nurturing and taking care of. Know how important and valuable you are and rather than going on a diet and punishing your self with deprivation, start to adjust to healthier eating. Eat modest portions of the healthier food you enjoy and congratulate yourself for taking care of yourself.

Healthier eating, add in Some fun / enjoyable movement and you could feel a lot better about yourself.

Good luck!

P.S Using Lent is a good starting point if it helps you get support for stopping snacking and less healthy food. I lost 3 stone and didn’t once tell anyone that I was ‘on a diet’.

But I agree with the PP: maybe make one adjustment now. Especially maybe losing a source of sugar?

Really sorry to hear that you “hate yourself” OP. That’s a very hard feeling and not a place that it’s easy to build lasting health from.
A friend has recently taken up noom and says that it’s changed her view on all this - coming at nutrition from a place of gradual improvements in favor of long term health and wellness rather than success, failure and self worth.
improving your diet is an act of self love - I wish you well

I know this isn't the same but I lost 50lbs a few years ago and have kept it off despite having kids. Honestly the key was healing my relationship with food and making sure I hit 10k steps every day. I find it concerning you're thinking of "giving up" things because I don't think it's realistic and it's part of the restriction/binging cycle. It's a completely lifestyle change, not a diet that you adopt for a little while. My weight has obviously fluctuated but every time I've thought about skipping a dinner or breakfast or dessert I remind myself that it's not the right thing in the long run. I started off really small. I reduced milk to just once a day in the morning with coffee. Rest of my drinks were green tea. I then added a bowl of greens (usually broccoli) to every dinner to munch on while I cooked. I then started measuring my fats, making sure they weren't going over a tea or tablespoon depending on what it was. All the while I was walking 10k steps. Once I felt like things were changing I started lifting weights a couple of times a week. You don't have to do everything at once, just add things in bit by bit and they will become habits. You will still be able to enjoy everything but it will just be a little different, naturally, without any coercion or difficulty.

I'm a lot bigger than you and honestly my fitness pal has been a game changer for me and I've lost a stone in 2 weeks. I had a really poor understanding of where calories were coming from, but MFP makes it so so easy to track what you're eating each day and to keep under a target

I've reported your post and asked Mumsnet to edit the title. What a horrible term to use, would you call all plus size people that nasty name? I understand you are struggling with your body image but there's no need to use an offensive term for anyone who is carrying some extra weight.

I suggest some CBT to learn self compassion as nobody ever achieved their goal through self-flagellation. Belief in yourself can never come from self hatred.

@Rosecoffeecup My Fitness Pal is amazing! I lost 2 and a half stone about 10 years ago using it. It took me about 2 years to lose it but it really worked.

You will fail if you give up everything at once. You need to cut back, you can still have chocolate everyday if it fits in with your calories

Cold turkey is sure way fail

Agree

It’s hard, isn’t it OP?

I started 6 months ago, and I’m close to 5st down and seeing so well. Still have more weight to lose, but feeling very confident about my ability to do it.

My advice would be to think about how long it’ll take to lose the weight you want (say, 6 months), then open your phone calendar or photo albums and have a look at what was going on 6 months ago and you’ll be shocked at how little time it seems. Imagine that little time passing again and you’re feeling in control of your life, and much healthier.

For me, it gets easier as time goes on. I stick to a calorie deficit, walk much more, and drink a lot of water. I went from eating an embarrassingly large amount of food and rubbish, to eating three balanced meals a day for under my calorie allowance. I don’t snack, and try to not drink any calories (wine is the exception!).

Losing weight has been such a stumbling block for me but there’s no magic fix, you just need to do it. It’s hard getting into the mindset, though.

"you can’t hate yourself thinner"

Yy to this.

You'll get there. Just turn it around. Start the journey in the other direction. 10k steps and myfitnesspal will do it. Couch to 5k when you're feeling a bit stronger. Slow and steady. Measure it in kilograms (less emotional if you're not used to it. 2kg at a time. You'll feel better really soon and that will help you keep going.

Same here. The food noise thing has been key. It's like being a normal person!

I'm a lard arse too op, ignore the snowflake.
Get a fitbit to track your steps.
Count your calories on my fitness pal. Its the best and healthiest way.
Plan meals and make hearty soups.
Don't buy snacks *or wine in my case.

That's a really easy thing to do

Low carb. Cut out pasta, rice and potatoes. Check out Keto/paleo recipients. It seems daunting at first, but it does work.

NHS do a weightloss app that I've found really helpful. It works in 12 week periods, so small achievable goals that don't feel overwhelming. Lots of advice and suggestions for making small changes. You can input your food and exercise to track it.

I've also found not having breakfast has helped. It's not for everyone, but for me it means I can have a decent lunch and dinner and still be within calorie limits. If I'm doing exercise that morning I will eat, otherwise I just have a glass of orange juice first thing and then water or coffee until lunch.

None of it is fast weight loss though. Its slow, but feels more sustainable.

Wholeheartedly agree.

I’ve lost 3.5 stone since May last year by calorie counting and exercising (I never eat the calories back).

Honestly, it dropped off (and I’m post menopausal). Of course I had to stop eating some foods to excess (or rather, count the calories of crisps etc and work out if they were really worth it) but getting back down to my pre-menopause / lockdown weight has been worth it. I was at target weight of 10.5 stone by the beginning of November.

It really is a case of calories in / calories out. A Fitbit really helped.

You can do it OP. After both of my babies I was over 13 stone and 5ft 3. I started exercising, eating healthier and drinking more water.
Both times, I lost 4 st in 8 months, it was hard work but so worth it. I also took a photo every week of myself in the mirror on ‘weigh day’ and I looked back on the progress I had made.

Agree with PP you need to start now, not putting it off until lent.

Low carb all the way!!! Weight will drop off you. I’ve had 2 family members lose weight on a low carb diet. I eat low carb to stay healthy too as blood sugar effecting hormones wasn’t great. Good luck OP xxx

Low carbs, high protein and only eat when you're actually hungry and eat slowly

Lots of advice here and only you will be able to figure out what works for you.

I am greedy and a bit of an emotional eater, so I try never to eat anything I don’t really want to. It’s amazing how often we do that, I think. Basically I follow the French Women Don’t Get Fat approach, though I don’t drink and eat virtually no meat. I also usually skip breakfast as I feel better if I don’t eat til midday. I eat seasonally and try to eat the best food possible (eg I tend to eat organic veg and dairy). I read the ingredients on everything. I do eat some rubbish, but not much. I measure things like nuts and pasta where it’s easy to eat too much. I don’t eat if I’m not hungry. I exercise as part of my day to day life (walking and being active) although I’m about to start Reformer Pilates and will then start lifting weights. That’s because menopause is hitting my weight hard, I’ve had an injury that’s really slowed me down, and I want to be healthy even if I’m at the upper end of my BMI. I do really think it’s all about balance and self-compassion.

I think I am lucky that I like a lot of healthy things such as plain yogurt, fruit & veg, drink lots of water and rarely have milky coffee or sugary drinks. Even so, educating my palette has been helpful. You soon start to realise that a lot of processed food just isn’t very nice. Good quality food tends to be so much nicer that you easily eat less (bread is a good example). There’s no need to deprive yourself of anything. It’s just a question of tuning in, adjusting and prioritising.

im not thin and I don’t think I ever will be, but I’m a healthy weight and I eat more or less what I want, when I want. My Fitness Pal is great for tracking and calorie counting but I find it more helpful as a support, not a primary focus, so I only use it intermittently.

I totally agree that you can’t hate yourself thin. Good luck

Another recommendation for simply calorie counting. I like myfitnesspal. I've lost 4 stone and still going. It takes at most 5 minutes to log my food for the day

It is so so powerful. If you just eat your target calories you will lose weight, and you don't have to really think about it. I lost weight through starting HRT and have kept eating food I like throughout, just a bit less of it.

Look at what you eat daily, if you are not sure write down everything you eat over the next few days.

If it’s lots of processed food and carbs then start replacing those foods with vegetables. So, example, pasta - reduce 1/3 of the pasta and replace it with vegetables. I’ve time, like a couple of weeks, increase the vegetables to 2/3 and 1/3 pasta.

If you buy things like biscuits/cereal bars etc then replace them and use nuts/eggs/seeds for snacks.

Try not to lose weight quickly. Change your diet gradually.

Good luck

How old are you OP?

If you're under 40 and good health the weight will drop off really fast at first which is a great motivator to push through to do it all.

If you're over 40 it will be a slower slog, but but unless you're a medical miracle eating less calories simply WILL result in the weight gain stopping, and then weight loss.

It won't be a nightmare. The first week might be, but once you're over that and you start to see results it's a real mental boost! What's worse? One week getting going or a lifetime of being overweight?

We've got 5 months till summer - start now, loose a lb a week and you'll be 2 stone lighter by then!

Does any of that help?

Don't get put off by the idea of exercise. Lose a bit first and see how you feel. I lost loads of weight in the past by just doing what i always did each day but eating less. Yes exercise is good for you, tones up your look and burns more calories - but it's not essential for losing weight, or starting to lose weight.

Do it!

Oh and i agree that there are loads of ways to do it (low carb, food combining, count calories) but one which YOU CAN STICK TO is the best.

Personally i like calorie counting and meal replacement shakes because it's simple and i don't have to get involved in food during the day (i have a small meal at night). But about 15 years ago i did low carb and the weight fell off. SO that works too.

Do a bit of both? Count your calories and cut out bread?
Just make sure you pick something DOABLE for you.

What’s your goal? Is it just to lose weight or specific health target, like a reduction in breathlessness?
Slightly different but I’m unfit due to chronic illness, my aim was to able to keep with younger child running then my older child. I wrote it down and set reminders in my phone. They also made accountable to them. I now can keep up with little one and am working on keeping up with the bigger one.
Good luck and don’t rush at things, everything takes time.