I'm your friend/acquaintance/colleague and I've dropped to 3 days PW for no real reason

[Getonnow]

Other than I have "enough" money and I can. What are you thinking?

I'm a widow with adult children. Have always been financially independent (actually DH and I did have completely joint finances, but I always earned at least half). There was some life assurance, but I've put that away for if/when I want to help DC with house deposits.

I'm living a comfortable life on my income, with some other savings put by. An opportunity came up that means more commuting, but that I can work 3 days PW for the same (decent) salary as my old FT job.

It seemed like a no brainer to me. If I'm honest I've found managing the large family home on my own quite demanding and as a menopausal woman, life is more tiring than it used to be. This gives me a lovely balance -my working days are slightly longer because of the commute but that's manageable and I get time off to do house stuff and hobbies, so my weekends are free for socials and travel, which I do quite a lot of.

Naively, I thought friends would be pleased for me, but I'm hearing a lot of sniping about it's alright for some with a widow's pension. FWIW I don't have a pension and am supporting myself (because we always knew I could, so didn't deem it necessary), but even if I did, why would people be bitter about it? I did lose DH, after all.

I'd remind them that I'd much rather have my husband than a pension & watch them try to dig themselves out of it. Horrible people.

Your opportunity sounds amazing.
Nobody should work FT if they dont have to, enjoy your freedom, relax & have some fun.

I would be really pleased for you that after losing your DH, you would get to spend time with your children & di things for yourself. A better wirk/life balance.

I only work 22hrs pw & I will never go back to full time, I’d rather spend less than work more.

Enjoy!

I am a widow who works part-time. I do rely on the pensions myself and the kids get to maintain the life we have and I feel ZERO guilt about it. I could work full-time but why should I frankly? Being a widow is hell in ways people cannot imagine. Anybody that makes any sort or remark quickly gets the widow card shoved in their face and they crawl off in abject humiliation. Thats my experience anyway OP - I suggest you shove any remarks right back at folks and watch them squirm. And enjoy your free time.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. If you were my friend or acquaintance I'd think, quite right, life is short.

I might idly assume that you'd been left well provided for (but wouldn't ask), and be pleased for you that you hadn't been left with financial worries. I'd recognise that it came at a huge price for you though.

Someone close to me is recently widowed at a young age, my heart breaks for them that on top of their loss, they're struggling financially now being a one income household.

thought friends would be pleased for me, but I'm hearing a lot of sniping about

Jealousy. Such an ugly emotion.

I would be envious but would be glad for any good genuine friend.

I already work part time so have an easier time than many but yes after menopause it is very easy to suffer tiredness. I am 60 and have no idea how other friends cope with full time at our age. I have no mortgage but cannot afford a holiday but to me the benefits of part time outweigh any money to fund holidays.

I was widowed young and DO have a widow's pension. I have worked part time since being widowed and have recently reduced my hours even more, and I'm only 48. I have also experienced judgement and jealousy from others but I try hard not to feel guilty. They are not in my shoes. I'm still grieving and coming to terms with an entirely different future from the one I hoped for, whilst raising three traumatised children alone (two of whom are neurodiverse), running the house, holding down a job, and dealing with menopause. I'm doing enough. The last decade has nearly broken me and I'm only just now finding things are getting easier, and am rebuilding myself and feeling stronger. I've needed time and space to do that. If people don't know that then they clearly don't know me very well. Those who do know me well definitely would not choose to swap places. The money does not compensate for everything my DC and I have lost.

I would completely accept a widowed parent who is struggling financially being jealous of my situation. That would feel terribly unfair. But anyone else, no. I just gently reflect their jealousy back to them, sometimes out loud, sometimes just in my head!

Do what is right for you, OP. Their jealousy is about their own dissatisfactions with their lives. The fact that they feel it's OK to express it is a reflection of the patriarchal society we live in, where every stage of a woman's life, especially the vulnerable times, is open for comment and nothing she ever does is enough. I often reflect on how different it would have been if my DH had been the one left with three kids to raise. Kind women and supportive bosses would have relieved so many burdens for him. Not so for me - I've carried them alone. Not a chance I will add more if I don't have to.

I don't know how old you are but a lot of my friends have dropped their hours as they've moved into their late 50s - lower outgoings due to mortgages being paid off and no longer having dependent children, and also because they are increasingly finding full time work a bit of a struggle . I've recently taken early retirement and responses I've had (to my face anyway) have been along the lines of 'good for you' even if it has come with a side of 'I'm so jealous'.

I think though that anyone who says 'it's alright for some with a widows pension' doesn't deserve to be spoken to again. How can someone be that insensitive?

I'd be thinking, 'Good for you.'

These 'friends' are a bunch of twunts.

Envy is so prevalent. Probably each of us has been envied for something at some point. You can't do anything in life without someone somewhere having a problem with it. Fuck 'em, and think about your good, true friends who want the best for you.

I'd think good for you! I plan to go part time as soon as finances allow

Good for you. Hope you enjoy the extra time off. I work similar hours, it’s great

I'd be jealous but pleased for you. Definitely wouldn't be nasty about it!
Go for it, enjoy your new time off, maybe use some of it to get new hobbies and better friends!

I am in the same position as you - widowed and went down to 3 days PW - I really have to bite my tongue when colleagues tell me I am so lucky / alright for some / living the dream

I have school aged children and still have Fridays off work. It just sounds like jealousy.

@MumofSpud you should tell them to fuck off. Seriously.

I guess it depends. Clearly they're envious, but that's normal. Whether or not they should show it depends on how you're presenting your circumstances.

Are you telling them you're dropping hours, to a well (or better) paid role, because your house is too big to manage? If so, then that's insensitive and comes across as braggy, so I get why people may raise their eyebrows.

If you're just dropping hours and saying "I'm fortunate enough to be able to do it" when asked, then yes, you don't deserve any judgement.

Why would anyone have an opinion on this?

I did the same a couple of years back, left the rat race and got a nice quiet job (doing the same as I was but not for a corporate who squeeze you until your dead) 3 days per week. I valued my time greater than the money and that's totally my prerogative.

Do what you want to do, your friends are being quite odd!

I'm thinking nothing, but I have tended to work in organisations where it's common. So someone being part time is unremarkable to me.

Just go for it!
Do what's best for you - life is short!
No regrets in still being part time here...

I woild think what an amazing opportunity for my friend and likely suggest we go for a coffee to celebrate.

I can say this with utter truth as a friend was in a very similar situation she does have a widows pension. She also parents two children who lost their dad in primary school very suddenly. So every small thing that makes her life nicer is imo well deserved.

I would hope your new spare time would mean we could have a trip together

I would be thrilled for someone to work less