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Original poster

I'm your friend/acquaintance/colleague and I've dropped to 3 days PW for no real reason

122 replies

Getonnow · 31/01/2024 18:45

Other than I have "enough" money and I can. What are you thinking?

I'm a widow with adult children. Have always been financially independent (actually DH and I did have completely joint finances, but I always earned at least half). There was some life assurance, but I've put that away for if/when I want to help DC with house deposits.

I'm living a comfortable life on my income, with some other savings put by. An opportunity came up that means more commuting, but that I can work 3 days PW for the same (decent) salary as my old FT job.

It seemed like a no brainer to me. If I'm honest I've found managing the large family home on my own quite demanding and as a menopausal woman, life is more tiring than it used to be. This gives me a lovely balance -my working days are slightly longer because of the commute but that's manageable and I get time off to do house stuff and hobbies, so my weekends are free for socials and travel, which I do quite a lot of.

Naively, I thought friends would be pleased for me, but I'm hearing a lot of sniping about it's alright for some with a widow's pension. FWIW I don't have a pension and am supporting myself (because we always knew I could, so didn't deem it necessary), but even if I did, why would people be bitter about it? I did lose DH, after all.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 31/01/2024 18:57

I’d use your extra time to find some nicer friends tbh.
The job sounds a great plan, go for it!

HalloumiGeller · 31/01/2024 18:57

darkmodeera · 31/01/2024 18:54

I'd think and say good on you. The sniping sifts out the shit friends from the true ones.

This

FortunataTagnips · 31/01/2024 18:57

That’s unbelievably shitty of them.
Whatever your circumstances, I’d wonder what you were thinking if you turned down a good job for the same salary but three days a week.

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Retirement & pensions
Original poster
Getonnow · 31/01/2024 18:57

TBF it's not really people I count as friends, although it is absolutely true you find out who your friends are in hard times and some of them I would once have called friends.

Interestingly I think many people in my social circle have always assumed we lived the way we did because of DH's job. It's true he had a good job and a good income, we actually paid off the mortgage (the reason for our/my comfortable) lifestyle because we paid my bonus into it every year. I think people who didn't know us well assumed I had a bit of an office job, when actually, apart from a couple of years when I worked part time when DC were young, I always earned more than him.

I don't know what it is about widowhood, but people seem to think they're entitled to an opinion on everything you do. Stay home too much, you're wallowing and should get out more, enjoy life a bit and you're not mourning sufficiently well.

OP posts:
fairo · 31/01/2024 18:58

it's alright for some with a widow's pension. fucking hell have they lost their senses? What on earth. Do they want their spouses to die or something. What ignorance.

PermanentTemporary · 31/01/2024 18:59

What?? I might be a bit jealous but I hope id be nice about it.

I was part time for a long time after dh died and I feel lucky that I was able to do that. I did eventually need to go full time again and it's knackering.

Tbh I should think anyone making nasty comments probably is too dumb to remember the details for very long. Ignore them.

soupmaker · 31/01/2024 18:59

I'd be absolutely thrilled for you. (I work a 3 day week).

MarjorieDanvers · 31/01/2024 18:59

I have a friend in a similar position and I’m thrilled for her - selfishly it means I’ll be seeing more of her!

Thedance · 31/01/2024 19:00

It's no one's business but yours ignore them. I would say good for you.

aitchteeaitch · 31/01/2024 19:02

Find some new, nicer friends OP, and tell the others that you may have a nice little widow's pension, but you'd much rather your husband was still alive. Make them squirm.

By the way, telling people you are semi-retired sounds different to saying you work part time. I don't know why that is though.

Trufflenose · 31/01/2024 19:02

You have plenty of reasons to want to work 3 days a week. In fact it would be pretty odd not to take the chance to earn the same money for less days!

I've worked 3 days a week since my teenage DC were born. Some family members have asked if I will ever go back to FT and I just say no, why would I? We have enough money and life is about more than work. I also have anxiety and PTSD so not sure I could manage working 5 days a week now anyway.

It is weird how judgy and controlling people can be. In your circumstances I would put it down to jealousy. It's not nice to be on the receiving end though. Hopefully you have more supportive people in your life as well.

Walking2024now30days · 31/01/2024 19:02

@Getonnow Do they know as much as we do? (Ie still getting the same pay) if not some might be concerned?

I hope you put them straight about the widows pension.

But I'd be letting that one go anyway, it's a horrible horrible thing to say. Even if you were claiming it, I'm sure you'd rather not be a widower!!

im 55, I will be made redundant in the next few months (nature of my job) If I could afford to work 3 days I'd jump at the chance, sadly I can't, so only another 12 years to go!!

I'd be thinking 'It sounds lovely, I hope you enjoy it' and 'nothing to stop you doing more days/getting another part time job if you don't enjoy it (or decide you want to earn more money)

really look at your friend & see who are keepers & who need weeding out!!

Christmasnutcracker · 31/01/2024 19:04

Jealousy.

My own sibling speaks negatively about everyone in her office who works part-time. It’s begrudgery.

jay55 · 31/01/2024 19:05

I'd be dead jealous, but super happy for you.

Hope you find some better friends with your new free time.

Ted27 · 31/01/2024 19:06

@Getonnow

I'd say good for you and yes it's a no brainer.
You are doing what I suspect a lot of people would like to do, so there will be an element of jealousy.
I am currently a full time foster carer but before I left work last May to do this, I was working a four day week. I went up to 4 days when my son was 15 but promised myself that I would never set foot in an office on Fridays ever again.
I've always had what you might call a 'modest' lifestyle so I could afford it.
As you well know, life is way too short.
Enjoy your new found freedom.

grosslyunfair · 31/01/2024 19:06

I work 2 days a week and I love it! I'm financially comfortable through my own efforts, enjoy the work and the social side of that but very happy to work less. I'd be thrilled if any of my friends made similar choices as most of my friends who are free in the week are fully retired

NewYearNewCalendar · 31/01/2024 19:07

I would be thrilled for you!

Clearly it’s just big standard misogyny. It hadn’t occurred to me that being a widow would be subject to the same judgement as pregnancy, motherhood, etc, but now that you say it I am entirely unsurprised.

I hope you really enjoy your new role and having more time to yourself.

Lollypop701 · 31/01/2024 19:12

If someone ever mentions your widows status in such a detrimental way again definitely ask them if them if they would swap their partner and the father of their kids for a 3 day week… I’m livid on your behalf.

yes I’d be a little envious I can’t do it, but happy that you could .. do it and enjoy your time op

GreenLaurel · 31/01/2024 19:12

You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. Enjoy your new hours x

Peckhampalace · 31/01/2024 19:13

As someone who retired at 55 I would be looking to see if you wanted to go out now and again. Yesterday I went out for lunch and to see an exhibition with a part time friend.
I encourage anyone who can afford it to start dropping days, there are so many other things to do with your time.
So my thought would be, good for you :-)

user1471554720 · 31/01/2024 19:18

If a person was early to mid 50s and had worked full time previously, I would just think they were winding down to develop new interests and build a social life in preparation for retirement.

If they were 30s or 40s and had no caring responsibilities I would wonder how they can afford it.

user1471453601 · 31/01/2024 19:19

I'm retired now, but for the last five years of working, I voluntarily dropped down to four days a week. I was once asked why id done this as I had no caring commitments, so where did my decision lie in the work life balance debate. I told the (rude, in my view) person that I may not have caring responsibility, but I did have a life. And I wanted to balance it.

It wasn't so much the work I needed a bit of a rest from, it was the commuting, which could easily add three hours a day to my load.

My daughter decided to go the same way, for the same reasons, in her late 40s.

Good for you, opening poster. I think you've probably made the bright decision

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/01/2024 19:19

icelollycraving · 31/01/2024 18:57

I’d use your extra time to find some nicer friends tbh.
The job sounds a great plan, go for it!

This. Go for it and enjoy your free time.

passiveconstellation · 31/01/2024 19:23

I wouldn't think much about it. As a friend I'd just want you to be happy, as a colleague I'd just want to remember what your working pattern was.

Those people are dicks.

PauliesWalnuts · 31/01/2024 19:25

I’d be v pleased for you. I’m going down to 4 days in a month at 51. I’ve had off comments from some friends who can’t understand why I’m doing it when I “have no kids”.

I’m doing it because after several close family bereavements life is too short not to.