I'm your friend/acquaintance/colleague and I've dropped to 3 days PW for no real reason

[Getonnow]

Other than I have "enough" money and I can. What are you thinking?

I'm a widow with adult children. Have always been financially independent (actually DH and I did have completely joint finances, but I always earned at least half). There was some life assurance, but I've put that away for if/when I want to help DC with house deposits.

I'm living a comfortable life on my income, with some other savings put by. An opportunity came up that means more commuting, but that I can work 3 days PW for the same (decent) salary as my old FT job.

It seemed like a no brainer to me. If I'm honest I've found managing the large family home on my own quite demanding and as a menopausal woman, life is more tiring than it used to be. This gives me a lovely balance -my working days are slightly longer because of the commute but that's manageable and I get time off to do house stuff and hobbies, so my weekends are free for socials and travel, which I do quite a lot of.

Naively, I thought friends would be pleased for me, but I'm hearing a lot of sniping about it's alright for some with a widow's pension. FWIW I don't have a pension and am supporting myself (because we always knew I could, so didn't deem it necessary), but even if I did, why would people be bitter about it? I did lose DH, after all.

I work 3 days. I'm not a widow. I just chose to earn less money and have more time. My husband has been wonderfully supportive and I'm like a different person. I know I am v lucky and v privileged.

My friends also subtly reacted badly. Well not badly but definitely some comments about how I must be loaded and how women who don't work full time are lazy and 'how come you get to do that and we can't '.

I'm ignoring them and enjoying my luck

Ha! My sister works 4 days a week because she's in a poly relationship and it gives her more time for 'cavorting' (as she describes it!) with her partners - I'm sure your colleagues would have raised even more eyebrows than hers did when she explained her reasoning! I hope you enjoy the balance and make the most of your free time!

People will always have something to say about the way you choose to spend your time and money. And about the way you grieve. Fuck them.

I've worked three days a week for the last few years, bloody love it and couldn't imagine going back to full-time now, though if I had to, I would make it work. But hopefully I won't, because I choose to live a lifestyle which allows me to afford to work part time.

Sorry for the loss of your husband OP. Do whatever makes you happy. Ignore the snippy jealous bitches.

I wouldn't really think anything, maybe "good on you".

I've not worked more than 25 hours a week since I had my 1st (of 2) dc 21 years ago, various hours over a mix of 3 or 4 days. And extreme bad fortune aside I'll never work full time again.

I could do more hours now, but I don't need to financially and don't want to.

I've done this through being married, single due to divorce, re-partnered, married, and now widowed.

Oh, and my mental capacity was seriously diminished after my 2nd husband died. EVERYTHING was just so much harder to cope with.

What a bunch of arseholes. Don’t give them another minute of your time and concentrate on your real friends.

You do you OP. It’s no one else’s business what you do.

They're jealous... A real friend would be happy for you.

Sorry that you have experienced this OP. Some people are just incapable of seeing anything from other people's perspective unfortunately and people aren't always who you think they are.
I had life changing injuries in an accident a number of years ago. I am still undergoing treatment and as a result I am no longer able to work. The number of people who tell me that I am lucky to be retired so early is quite amazing. I don't actually feel "lucky" to be in continuous pain and unable not only to work but do lots of other things as well.
One woman in particular who I used to consider one of my best friends has been really quite unpleasant to me. I had to go through a long, not particularly pleasant process to be granted ill health retirement and when it was finally sorted I posted something on my social media along the lines of "Pension sorted at last, very relieved at least that's one less thing to worry about". She replied with comments about cushy public sector jobs and how I should spare a thought for people like her who will have to work for another 20 years. Another time I met her and another friend who was recovering from cancer treatment for lunch and the whole meal was peppered with "banter" about people who aren't economically active and sponge off hard workers like her. That's the last time I saw her.
I know lots of people don't like their jobs and would be glad not to work but they don't seem to be able to see beyond that. I've reached the point where I no longer feel the need to justify myself and if people are jealous of my "good fortune" then they can walk on out of my life because I don't need them.

I'd think (1) good for you (2) the woman has lost her husband, she needs to find a new life for herself and it's great she can make time for that (3) I'd wonder if you've put enough aside to pay for care in old age, but that would depend on your relationship with your DC.

I'd say none of this to you, other than (1) - maybe.

As for people feeling that widowhood is a free-for-all in terms of passing comment: this goes for everything a woman does. It's probably more acute beyond a certain age because there tends to be less to comment on.

I'm sorry for your loss.

OP your friends might just be jealous, unpleasant people.
Equally, stating difficulties in 'managing the family home' and 'tiredness' when you no longer have any responsibilities might have rubbed them the wrong way.

We don't know. We weren't privy to the conversation.

Me personally? I wouldn't have an 'opinion' on someone changing their work pattern, as @Wadermellone stated. I'd just say 'oh nice' no strong feelings either way.

Also... don't take this the wrong way. But so many women don't seem to like their husbands at all. Look, I get it. People only post the negative, very few will post just to brag about their wonderful DH. I'd be devastated to lose mine and wouldn't be able to stop myself from slapping someone who said this if it happened and the loss was fresh...

But from talking to older women etc I get the feeling that many women stay in loveless marriages for the sake of money and would actually love to be in your position. No husband, no divorce, money in the bank. While you see it as something people should be sorry about.

Again, sorry if it's insensitive it's just an attitude I've encountered a lot. Of course people shouldn't be sniping but for the 'lacking sympathy' part.

I have several friends who don't work in paid employment at all, one through ill-health, one is a housewife and always has been and one was part-time but found it all too much. I can't imagine thinking anything about them, I'm their friend, I have no feelings whatsoever about their working, careers or anything, except whether they are happy with the situation, ditto those who work very long hours.

I’d think “good for you” and, as your friend, I would be very aware of the horrendous loss of your DH. So on that basis I would use some of your new free time to find new friends, these people do not sound nice.

I’d be jealous, but in a wistful that-sounds-lovely-for-Getonnow way rather than being bitter.

The comments reflect very badly on your friends. Both for the bitterness and the fact they’ve expressed it.

Absolutely jealous. I do understand why it’s upsetting you though. I work 3-4 days a week as I’m disabled and if I work more then then pain and tiredness is unmanageable. Most people immediately say “oh wow it must be so nice not to have to work full time”, “I could never afford that”, “alright for some!” Etc. actually I’d love to work fully time and be able bodied! Just as I’m sure you’d rather work more days and have your husband (even though yours aren’t really linked - you could have the same opportunity regardless so they’re being extra ridiculous). I’m so sorry you get this judgement, it’s horribly unfair x

How weird of them to care. Pay them no mind. They are just jealous

Go for it! Too many people don't make it to retirement so I'm all for people having the best life they can while they are able to. The snipers aren't worth your time or friendship. Don't feel obliged to work at all if you could retire early.

Edited to add that as you say you're finding managing the house tiring, have a cleaner if you afford it and someone to help with the garden. Make your life as carefree and joyful as you can - I'm sure that's what your late husband would wish for you as you sound like you were a good team.

Sounds like jealousy to me - if you are in a position to then go for it and even aside from that, what you decide to do is up to you, none of their business! And the fact that they are insuating you are lucky to be getting a widow's pension (you are not from what I can make out but they seem to think so!) is also clearly missing the point completely, that you therefore are a widow, hardly a bed of roses...🙄🤨

This is so depressing to read op. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s total despicable behaviour for people to even presume to comment. How dare they, especially when you are grieving?

I think events like Brexit and Covid and the cost of living crisis together with a right wing press that has had such a malign effect on UK society, has fostered and encouraged a jealous, nasty streak in people tbh where the politics of envy rule.

I’d think you were crazy to work full time if you didn’t need to! Crack on and congratulations it sounds like a fantastic opportunity.

Many people hate the fact that they have to work full-time. They're jealous. You lost your husband, which is horrible. I'm sure your friends agree. But I bet they're jealous of the part-time hours nonetheless.

I would be absolutely thrilled for you. Horrible comments from your friends

They do realise a widow's pension means your husband DIED, right?

Your friends are atrocious people and you deserve better.

Your life and new job sounds like a great way to balance your time and responsibilities. They're clearly jealous. And awful.

I'd think good on you and I'd love to do the same ! Enjoy xx

Acquaintance or colleague, yes, friend, no! Take no notice of such petty jealousy. This sounds like a great opportunity, good on you!

Haven’t RTFT but if you were a friend of mine, I’d say “good for you”. Time is precious so if you don’t have to sell your whole week for money and can enjoy life and relax a bit more then all power to you!