Do you view registry office weddings as equal?

[Inyourwildestdreams]

Just wondering what people’s thoughts are on this tbh. If you’re invited to a registry office wedding (reg office then a meal out fully paid for) do you view it as equal to being invited to a “big” wedding in a church/wedding venue etc?

Do you put the same effort in to attending/outfits/a gift?

The only registry office wedding that I’ve been to was my own failed first marriage.

Why not elope and tell them all to piss off?

How strange. If they think along those lines then does that mean they don't like to attend non-religious funerals at crematoriums because if it's not at a church it isn't a "proper" funeral?

Yes, it's fine to do it either way, either very casual or very formal, but you need to make it totally clear in the invitation so that people turn up and don't immediately feel out of place or that they've worn the wrong thing.

OP, I need to be explicitly told a dress code but other than that. Same effort for a close friend or family member's small, registry office wedding. By 'effort' I mean everything willingness to travel, gift, etc etc.

Anybody else? No. But not solely because of the size or registry office. Many factors. For instance, I've had weddings similar to yours take 3 -4 hours. That's the same amount of time spent as an evening invite. I wouldn't bother travelling very far for the latter so neither would I for the former.
Other than that a small wedding can be quite intense if you don't know anybody other than the B&G. You have to talk to the same few people, can feel left out if they all know each other and you don't. In that scenario I wouldn't go either.

This is all irrelevant to you though. These people are immediate family, there should be no mutterings about any of this.

Its the same without the pomp. They all have that official piece of paper whether you spend £100 or £10k

I had a small register office wedding with 19 people & each one of those people made it very special & as if it was a 'big' wedding in a massive venue. We all dressed up I had a lovely big white dress. Loved every second

Totally agree.

Married over 40 years, church wedding and afternoon reception at home (no big parties).

Equal in terms of what?
Equally as married, certainly.

They're equal but different.

Not at all weird. Some of your guests sound rather rude. But many people only go to weddings to grift. They only care about what THEY can get. If people can't be bothered, don't bother to invite them.

Would dress the same and give the same present regardless of venue (obviously not in the venue was eg a beach or very clearly themed in some way).
I actually prefer registry office weddings as they tend to be a bit shorter than church weddings meaning you get to the fun bit quicker 😂😂

You do realise that most people still have all those things if they're having a reception after the registry office ceremony?

We married in Gretna - very low key with 5 close friends and our nearly 1 year old.
We paid for a meal afterwards for us all - asked for no gifts and we didn't have a party post wedding. We had not long bought our first home so money was tight and we had better things to spend our money on than a lavish wedding.
We will celebrate our 30th anniversary this April so proof a RO wedding is no 'poor relative'

😅😅 thanks all!! I should have been clearer on what I meant in the OP. I should have said big wedding or intimate wedding rather than mentioning churches etc. Absolutely nothing to do with religion - neither side of the family are religious.

I guess the norm within the wider family has been hotel/larger venue weddings with 100+ guests. The big all day event with reception etc. So I’m assuming that’s what they mean by a “proper wedding” 😅 they think every wedding should be a huge event.
I think I’ve just gone against the grain by doing what we want to do rather than what is expected to be honest. I’m sure they’ll all calm down about it soon enough 😅 and if not then they can choose not to come, and that’s fine 🤷🏻‍♀️😊

I love attending a big wedding and have been to some really beautiful ones but it’s just not what we want for our day. There’s no big party or reception to follow, just a simple ceremony, some photos and a nice meal to round off the day 😊

Yes obviously

Of course.

And BTW the gift is not commensurate to the expense of the wedding, but what the giver can afford/wants to give. It's vulgar to tot it up.

I will not be able to attend a relation's wedding this year so will send the gift I would have bought anyway.

Because registry offices don't usually have a big capacity for guests. Our local one holds 8 guests. Anymore guests and the couple have to hire the conference room .

Large churches and hotels can often accommodate a higher number of guests.

I'd count a 'conference room' in the same building as the registry office as well. When I was looking to get married last year most places had a choice of ceremony rooms, of various sizes.... I'm in the North West

I will go to any wedding as long as its a not married, get married at a wedding wedding

Not these we have 5 events over 3 continents and are already married but having 6 weddings type weddings though

I don't care where the location or setting is as long as it's a wedding

I'm so sorry they're being weird. Find a way to bring up the bday example I mentioned. Also I genuinely think people who get so het up on wedding 'rules' are people who have nothing else to look forward to - and you're denying them something fun in otherwise boring lives. So feel sorry for them but don't let them ruin your day.

Most of the London and big city registry offices (or town halls) have rooms that host 100+ people. The registry office I got married in, our room had space for 200 people. Obviously a small town or village registry office wouldn't but then there's plenty of tiny churches as well.

Hubby and I had a tiny wedding (17 guests) at a local pub/hotel.
Tbh I think the guests probably thought "fair play" to the fact that we didn't stand there making false promises to a God we don't believe in 😀

Got married in a RO, so yes. DH is atheist and I'm Pagan so a church wedding would have been odd for us.

Most hols way more than that. I’d say it’s very unusual if a registry office doesn’t have a room that holds quite a number of people.

People are getting confused with register office ceremonies (£46, usually very small and simple) and council run venues (various sizes and pricing depending on the space available).
All marriages and civil partnerships are legally equal and therefore equally significant to the couple.
It is always the couples who set the vibe for the day and the guests who carry them along with their love and support. I've been to uncomfortable, slightly sad ceremonies at huge expensive venues and tiny ones in a slightly battered council office that were filled with joy and laughter.

@PerspicaciaTick Were you a guest at both my first and second wedding? 😄
The difference in cost between mine was remarkable. For my first husband it was about "Ooooooh look at me and all of my wealth."
We had fireworks and even a bloody plane fly over. Cringe!
Not enjoyable.
In fact, being totally honest, I realised as I walked down the aisle I was making a mistake. Bit late by then. I was 24 and desperately naive.
My second wedding (at 40) was filled with joy; after many years of abuse I'd finally found someone who genuinely loved me. My face literally ached from smiling.
17 guests, five days before Christmas, pub/hotel, one table shared by the whole party.
That was two years ago now and every day I honestly pinch myself that I'm married to my very best friend ❤️