Overheard thread

[LordEmsworth]

"It was meant to be a quiet one on Wednesday, but Katie's threatening to escalate it. She's talking about booking Friday off, I'm like 'Katie we're only going for pizza!!!' " 😮😂

I've just overheard in Superdrug:"no, what you need to do is get married in prison and then apply for the IVF".

"I've got one of those dehumanising machines for the bedroom to sort the damp out."

On the bus the other day a man calling telephone banking on speakerphone. Rolled my eyes thinking he was trying to show off with how many thousands he had in his account 🙄. Turned out he was several hundred overdrawn 🙈 and then had a hushed conversation with the bank about how unhappy he was about it (still on speakerphone though)

In the student union bar, late 90s “…and I woke up in bed next to an open tin of tuna but…” We all froze and desperately tried to hear the rest of the conversation but never did discover the context.

A newly-married colleague on the phone to her husband, decades ago, "Shall we have a video and a pizza and a bit of the other tonight?"

A teenager at ds's school, greeting his friend at home time the other day "Oi! You! Son of a good, strong woman!"

Yesterday in Liverpool - I'm there for a few days for a city break - walked past a McDonald's and heard a conversation between 2 women walking in - "yeah but everyone has a rash on their vagina" - I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't heard it.

On a long train journey between cities with only 2 or 3 stops. There was a large school group on also. At a stop we paused longer than normal then the driver came over the intercom - could Jane Jones please exit the train. This message was repeated 4 or 5 times at short intervals. Then while mid sentence we could hear the mic being moved and a female voiced bellowed 'JANE!! GET OUT NOW!'. About 30 seconds later the train pulled out. I looked out to see the infamous Jane but couldn't see her 😁

Two ladies at the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition...."and he's now going out with a six foot showgirl!"
I so wanted to hear more ...

OhamIreally · Today 15:39

I've just overheard in Superdrug:"no, what you need to do is get married in prison and then apply for the IVF".

That may be the best one yet!

I’ve posted these before but I love them:
”ooh ( disappointed) its not two for the price of one, its buy one get one free”

”I didn’t say she looked like Wallace I said she looked like Grommit!”

And one today …woman marching along shouting into her phone “Did you or did you not wank over her photo?!”

Oh dear!

‘Son of a good, strong woman’!

Love this! 😂😂😂

I loved it too! I wanted to go over and shake the lad's hand 😄

Literally 15 mins ago. I am on a train and woman behind me is on the phone. She has just said ‘so you have been drinking’ then she is listening and then she just repeats a couple of times ‘ so you are smoking, drinking and driving a car?’, then listening again and she goes ‘ok bye’. She got off about 5 minutes later, so I don't know what happened.

Actually lold at that thank you 🤣

In Tesco, a woman is standing at customer service desk asking a question.
She is holding a French stick, vertically wedged under her arm, as she needs both hands free to rummage in her bag. It’s upside down.
French stick drops out of the bottom and onto the floor.
Customer, whilst picking it up and putting it back in the wrapper. ‘oops, I had it upside down’
Staff ‘Do you want to go and get yourself another one?’
Customer ‘no, it’s okay. I’m just giving it to my husband’.

poor man!

Seconds ago - in an Irish bar in New York - a British guy whinging to the bar tender that when he went to Belfast, he found everything too Irish.

Heard two teenagers on the bus years ago when the Lord of the rings films were coming out "you know the Lord of the rings? Someone's written a book of the story now".

Years ago in Tesco as a woman approached the trolley with a bag of frozen chips her male companion (presumably DP) said "crinkle cut?? have we won the lottery?".

You win. 😂😂😂

A spider probably.