Overheard thread

[LordEmsworth]

"It was meant to be a quiet one on Wednesday, but Katie's threatening to escalate it. She's talking about booking Friday off, I'm like 'Katie we're only going for pizza!!!' " 😮😂

Two men in a pub. One said "it was my cousin's wedding the other week, everything was vegan. Can you imagine? We had to eat vegan bacon sandwiches and my mum said what the bloody hell's this."

There's actually a Facebook group called Overheard in Waitrose 😊

In Poundland: "Do you want any fanny wash, Mum?" While passing the Femfresh.

Several years ago walking behind a young child and her mother on their way to school and the child said in an outraged tone: "well Lavinia's five and she can't even ski!"

Followed by the mother muttering something about how not everyone was as fortunate as they were.

Not got one of my own but can share this from a newspaper years ago as it made me chuckle:
Band playing in a bandstand in a park, the sort that had deckchairs for the audience. Conductor could hear a noise which he found really distracting so he signalled to the band to suddenly stop, over the silence came a woman's voice saying loudly "I fry mine in lard..."

George Eliot was a woman... not sure if I didn't get the sarcasm over text or not!

Overheard in a hospital bathroom "if you don't wash your willy it'll fall off"

"Of course it's hot in Prague, that's why you have to get on a plane to get there"

Overheard in a school.playground:
"The first time I met that kid he bit me on the ankle."
I'm trying to work out how that might have happened. The kid who was bitten didn't appear to hold a grudge.

Overhead two students in h&m years ago but it still makes me laugh..
Boy .. "Oh my God, my flatmate is such a looser, he's cooking pancakes for dinner. Who does that ?"
Girl .. It's a pankcake day.
Boy.. (said without any hint of sarcasm or irony) "Oh wow, lets have pancakes for dinner".

I had this the other day. Reading out college courses as suggestions to DS18, me :carpentry?
Ds: hmm, I think I could be good at laying carpets 😂😬

He now knows what carpentry actually is.

Walking past two ladies deep in the loudest conversation ever, overheard, '.....yeah so I fucked him then I googled his name and found out he'd only just got out of prison....' 🤣

A few years ago, at chestington zoo. A kid looks into an enclosure and says dad what's that .. dad replies it's a big hedgehog .. It was an armadillo.

'and we have just bought ice cream and you dont have a freezer'

Never thought I’d hear myself saying to 2 ten yr olds “don’t lick each other's arms in assembly, please”! This was early March 2020 as well!

My favourite overheard moment was sitting opposite two young women on a train, where one was trying to explain to the other who Garibaldi was.

The whole conversation was too long and mad to reproduce verbatim, but the best line was 'what, you mean not just a biscuit?!'. 😄

Man on his phone in the supermarket 'Yeah, they all look really nice in their photos but when you meet them ....' I was lingering by the dog food but felt that l needed to move on!

A middle-aged woman on her mobile phone outside a shop a few years ago: 'Mum, no, you....Mum, it's fine... Mum, no, you haven't....Mum...Mum... Mum ....MUM! YOU HAVEN'T LOST IT! YOU'RE TALKING TO ME ON IT!' 😆

Saw a middle aged woman answer her phone and say “Yes, yes, okay I’ll come straight up there now. Has he been removed from the class? Okay yes. Out of interest is it the same teacher who offered him outside for a fight last week?” 😂

I felt so invested I almost wanted to follow her up to the school!

@Allfortheloveofabiscuit
"George Eliot was a woman... not sure if I didn't get the sarcasm over text or not!"

@Allfortheloveofabiscuit Yes...exactly!

Only being privy to Bus Schoolboy's half of the conversation and imagining his schoolmate on the other end, who'd clearly not realised that George Eliot was a pen-name of (woman) Mary Ann Evans.

Something like:

Not-Bus Schoolboy:
"Just to let you know I've submitted our paper on 19th Century novels...hope it's ok that I added a bit about George Eliot and how he was one of England's influential Victorian authors, and that his seven books changed th..."

Bus Schoolboy:
"...no, George Eliot was a woman, you fucking idiot"

(Honestly was funny to me at the time!)

Policeman to a woman exposing herself in the middle of a road: 'put those away!'

A child riding a bike around the shop, assistant says to the father can he not ride that in here please, father said I brought it from here, assistant says we sell condoms in here too but i don't want you using them in here either. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I LOVE this

Overheard in a corner shop - two teenagers arguing about which soft drink to buy, and one of them says "Well this one is 70 centilitres and they look the same size to me" and the other says "But they can't be, because this one is 700 millilitres, so this one is bigger." First teenager then says "What's a millilitre?"

Years ago when dining solo in Buffalo

"I wish someone had said to me, Anthony's not the right man for you. I wish someone had said "he likes men""

Overheard on a train. Person A is on the train, B gets on.
A: Oh hi haven't seen you for ages. Where are you living these days?
B: County Durham
A: I didn't know you'd moved to Ireland.
We were in Durham station.