Overheard thread

[LordEmsworth]

"It was meant to be a quiet one on Wednesday, but Katie's threatening to escalate it. She's talking about booking Friday off, I'm like 'Katie we're only going for pizza!!!' " 😮😂

@MrsMoastyToasty that has to be in Manchester?

I had an occasion to phone my child’s school. The person I was speaking to had to find some info for me so put the phone on her desk and I could hear everything. Including the moment the Deputy Head walked in singing, “I came in like a wrecking ball….” and someone else piped up on duet with him on the background. Thought then it must be a happy place to work if staff are having a sing song.

One of my favourites. Child and grandmother in the next toilet cubicle to me, look granny my poo is like a really big giant banana! granny “ shhusshh don’t say that out loud. Child kept going on all the way through hand washing, but did you see it, it was this big 🫷🫸 how did it come out of my bum. Poor granny was very embarrassed 😂

But that is true…

https://blog.richmond.edu/livesofmaps/2021/04/12/africa-is-bigger-than-we-realize/#:~:text=Africa%20is%20greatly%20underestimated%20in,projection%20introduced%20by%20Gerardus%20Mercator.

This was not mine (sadly), but was told to us by somebody we knew a long time ago, overheard when he was at a big gathering in Liverpool, said very matter-of-factly; I've never forgotten it, though.

Just in case anybody doesn't know, scouse (short for lobscouse) is the name of a popular local stew, from which Liverpudlians originally got their nickname. Emphasis added by me:

"Yeah, I was working at this do; it was disgusting - somebody crapped in the scouse and we had to throw half of it away!"

The best I can do myself is when we heard a group of 'refreshed' lads on a train in North Wales. One of them nonchalantly said "So, we were in this pasty shop, right, having a pasty fight and........" - as though that was a perfectly normal everyday thing to do in such an establishment!

He didn't get to say much more, as he got distracted by somebody pressing the button that made the doors slide open, and was commenting on how it was just like on Strike It Lucky, where you hit the button to see what prize you've won. The door opened and he saw the station sign and immediately shouted "HOT SPOT, Prestatyn - wooowooowooowooowooowooowooo!!"

Years ago now, on a bus sitting behind two women discussing a wedding.

"She looked lovely, dressed in white and looking absolutely vaginal."

Folowed minutes later by:

"She had two bridesmaids and a postman."

I was on the train yesterday at school leaving time, 4girls about 15, well Tallulah's dad is well fit. Really Tallulah Green, Tallulah Smith or fat Tallulah?seriously How many Tallulahs in their school?

Overheard in the hairdressers ‘his steak was 30 pounds’ response ‘what in weight or money?’

At a family meal, in a relatively middle-of-the-road restaurant.

Child of about 7 or 8:
"Mummy, what are working class people REALLY like?"

“Yeah I know she knows it was me, but I’m just going to keep ignoring her until she apologises to me” said by horrible bloke at work, trying to make out his dating profile is fake and not actually him. Feel so sorry for his wife. Hope she finds the courage to leave him.

A sad one really. Overheard in Liverpool, a man walking behind me said, "shut up, you stupid cow" I took a nervous glance round, and he was talking to a toddler 😔

It was years about 15 years ago and it still makes me feel sad.

On a train some years ago, in the London area. A woman sitting behind me, on her phone, ordering goods to be delivered to her home. At the top of her voice, she gave her card number, expiry date, security number, spelled out her name. Should have taken notes. 😁

Overheard a coffee shop conversation where someone said to a friend, ‘I don’t understand why I can’t keep a koala as a pet’

I had a similar moment with my glasses, it took way to long for me to realise that the fact I could see while looking for my glasses meant I was already wearing them 🤦🏽‍♀️.

Mid-80's London Underground station announcer with a heavy Jamaican accent

"de nex tren aarivin an platfoerm 9.... iz cummin from anudder dimenshun"

He was clearly off his head on something.

That really is sad. 😮 Poor child.

Some lighthearted corkers on here.

Particularly love @mathanxiety's

'Overheard in a school playground:
"The first time I met that kid he bit me on the ankle."
I'm trying to work out how that might have happened. The kid who was bitten didn't appear to hold a grudge.' 😆

I was in a queue at a children's science museum in the U.S. (paid entry). The gentleman in front of me was asking if he could just go in for a minute to drop something off to someone who was inside. The ticket seller agreed to it, saying, "Okay, but try not to learn anything while you're in there."

I know I surprised another mum at the school gate when I was talking to my friend and said; 'God Almighty, how many times did I have to repeat yesterday; 'STOP EATING HARRY POTTER!!!!!'. '

My then 12 year old has pica and was going through a phase of eating his books.

You could see her thinking 'What is the context of that?!'

I overheard a child at school pickup (just setting the scene..it was a posh private school) telling his teacher and pointing..
'I can see daddy.. over there in the i5!.'
Child was about 6..

Walking through a tent at a summer show where vendors were flogging all sorts of kitchenware. (Seller had what I think was a Texan accent) ‘Oh, no darling’. It won’t go back on if it’s wet!’

Passing two American tourists in Belfast who were looking at a poster for the Titanic exhibition.
"What the hell is that doing here- everyone knows the Titanic was American through and through "

Overheard in a hipstery/wankery cafe in Edinburgh -

'I subscribe to the spectacle which is Kanye West'

I had a very similar experience, except that it was in an academic library. There would have been about a hundred people, working away in silence, who would have heard every detail of that person's credit card information.

Years ago a partner had dictated a letter to his secretary and he had a habit of just sending them out without proof reading. Client calls up and says "who is Mrs Gusset??" Partner confused. Client says it says in the letter, if I have any questions please call Mrs Gusset - it was meant to be "please call me to discuss it" 😆

Lovely young girl in the hairdresser chatting while washing someone's hair . Talking about the weather as you do " I love the spring or is it the autumn. I get confused which way round they are. What's the one that comes after the winter?"