Overheard thread

[LordEmsworth]

"It was meant to be a quiet one on Wednesday, but Katie's threatening to escalate it. She's talking about booking Friday off, I'm like 'Katie we're only going for pizza!!!' " 😮😂

In a restaurant, small boy crawled under the table, put his hands behind him and asks, "mummy can you tie me up", mum just said, "not now dear".

In a college library, teens behind me, "Well I don't want to be found dead with a nipple in my mouth", I turned, gave them a look and then turned back.

On a hospital ward, geriatric if that makes a difference. Anyway the nice lady consultant was teaching a junior Dr how to fit a catheter, the patient was having a bit of a moan.

Consultant: Mr X people in London pay a fortune for this type of treatment.

Not overheard but said to me by my mother.

I introduced her to a friend who is deaf and also from Jordan. I told my mum to have a look at her watch because it had Arabic numbers on it.

Mum: Oh is it Braille?

I brought her a rosary back from Ecuador, they were a string with knots rather than beads.

"Oh these are useful to keep in your purse in case of emergency".

I have no idea what type of emergency would require 'emergency rosary beads'. A parachute, a gun, an axe, a torch... lots of things I think could be useful in an emergency but rosary beads?

Literally just heard in Glasgow city centre and stopped to write this before I forget!
Some guy on the phone walked past saying, “No, I know what the dungeon is and you don’t and I want fucking oot.”

Love it!

On holiday in Tunisia a few years ago. Walking back to the hotel late at night. An old man and his wife just in front of us. He said “ look at that moon, you don’t get a moon like that at home”.

That’s not that strange. Depending where they are from, particularly a bit city, light pollution may mean that they don’t get to see the moon bright and clear and not clouded or diluted by lights.

'I told my mother she was a narcissist and she said she thinks I'm a narcissist but that's obviously what a narcissist would say isn't it??'
This was on a train, the reception was obviously not great because he then repeated the sentence word for word very very loudly 😁

Not exactly overheard because they want people to hear, but the preachers outside Brixton station have delivered some gems over the years. My most recent favourite is 'There'll be NO PAINKILLERS IN HELL!!'

Laughing at all those who think Jesus’ dad was a carpet fitter 😆

Jesus's Dad was a step dad, I wonder how he'd get on in the step parent sub forum.

My dd shortly after starting a travel and tourism course.
"If the plane crashes, sometimes they roll out a big slide and then everyone ejaculates on it"
She training as cabin crew now and we never let her forget 😀

Overheard two women sitting in a coffee shop:

"So you don't ride OR ski? You're KIDDING me?"

When PIN numbers first came out, I was in our local little Sainsbury's with an elderly man in front of me. He came to pay and then realised he couldn't remember the PIN number. After a moment's pause, he looked up , saw his wife waiting at the door for him and shouted across the shop:
"Doris, can you remember the PIN for the card?"
And she shouted back: "yes, it's 3479".

We all, including the shop lady stood there waiting for the first person to explain that that was a really bad idea.

Although I'll add when ds was small he had bad glue ear, and taught himself to lipread quite well. Apparently a lot of people mouth their PIN numbers as they put them in, and one of his party tricks used to be to tell people their PIN numbers if I didn't tell him to be quiet in time after they'd put the number in.

It just gets better as the thread goes on 🤣🤣🤣

Bleugh! I suppose it would increase the speed at which people slid down it.

Heard when visiting my son and his family...
Twin six year old DGS
Why does nanny buy us presents when she visits?
Twin 2, because she's very old and VERY rich! 🤣
One outta two isn't bad... I'm old. 🤣

DD aged about six during a visit to MIL's house: "Mummy, how old will you be when I am 50?" then "Daddy, how old will you be?" then finally the clincher... "Grandma, when I get to 50, you'll be dead."

Thankfully, Grandma saw the funny side. 😂

Stood next to a woman at a pedestrian crossing who was on the phone.
She said: "We don't really have history though. Like, I shagged him in Costa Coffee toilets when we were 18 and then I let him do anal at Lisa's 21st ... pause .... Yeah but that was only a fling and he wasn't even married, he was only engaged so I don't know why she's going around saying we've got history"

😳

😆

Howling at this 😂😂😂

Haha I love that!

😂 She also informed me the other day that she'd had to block a game her 4yo was trying to download because it said "Pedo meter" 😳
It actually said "Pedometer" I actually belly laughed 😂😂

....this should have been a reply to @Jagley but I couldn't find the 'edit' button 🤦😂

Seriously for a minute - I work in a supermarket and you would not believe how many elderly people say their PIN out loud as they input it. I eyeball them sternly and say 'sssh, we can all hear you!'. They also usually have it written down in the front of their wallet...

Haha 😅 that is hilarious almost wet myself!!!

😂😂😂 at mangerine