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Original poster

If you had children at the same time as your sister / SIL….

40 replies

Peonysandrose · 24/01/2024 10:12

Do you do lots together?

Me and my SIL (DH’s sister) are both pregnant and due within weeks of each other.

i know this sounds harsh but I really can’t stand my SIL - I won’t go in to details but she has behaved appallingly towards me over the years and openly said to me she doesn’t like me & only tolerates me because of her future nieces / nephews.

Im so happy to be pregnant but I can’t help thinking about the future & how much time I’m going to have to spend with her.

We live in the same town so will be going to all the same baby classes, likely the same school & future hobbies for the children are likely to be the same. She keeps saying she has always dreamed of her children being super close to her brothers children & already talking about joint christenings / birthday parties ! If she’d been nice in the last 10 years I wouldn’t mind but shes been completely vile, and now I feel like I’m just going to have to suck it up and get on with it.

If you’ve had your children close to your sister / SIL have you ended up doing loads of stuff together or will it fizzle out when life gets busy ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Peonysandrose · 24/01/2024 17:38

Bumping this one

OP posts:
Flowersandchoc · 24/01/2024 18:58

Sorry OP but it sounds like you’ll struggle to avoid her especially if they go to the same school.

PilgorTheGoat · 24/01/2024 19:00

Not me but my sister and her SILhad babies close together. They children go to the same school. My sister and her SIl dislike each other and consequently don’t mix very often.

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Families
Alwaysalwayscold · 24/01/2024 19:06

To be honest other than being in the same baby classes, there's no need for your lives to clash as much as you think.

They'll likely have different friend groups at school, different hobbies etc. And just say no to any joint parties.

Grinchinlaws · 24/01/2024 19:10

Our DC2 is a few months older than BIL and SIL’s DC1, and our DC3 will be a few months younger than their DC2.

They live a 30 min drive away so we didn’t overlap with baby classes and won’t with schools. Whilst I don’t especially like SIL I do want my kids to be close to their cousins so I make an effort to see them regularly (every few months probably).

Maybe this could be a way for you all to move forward positively?

Tinkerbyebye · 24/01/2024 19:14

You don’t need todo anything though, get your dh on side with how badly she has been to you and he can take your child to meet up with you just joining occasionally and he can explain joint party’s are not going to happen as each child will have its own set of friends.

get the boundaries drawn now

MerryMarigold · 24/01/2024 19:17

My niece is same age as my DD. We visit in holidays and vice versa b hit they live a couple of hours away. My other niece (on DH's side) is about an hour's drive but we have v different schedules (SIL works full time and kids in private school). Rarely see them.

Your set up is quite different. I might be tempted to move if the town is so small ir point has a few toddler/ baby activities and schools.

Ossoduro2 · 24/01/2024 19:18

I had kids at the same time as my brothers but I really like my SILs. We don’t do much together because we live a long way away but I enjoy meeting up with them on holiday and things and it’s really lovely for the kids to have that special bond with their cousins.

I don’t imagine I’d have made the same effort with the kids if I didn’t enjoy the company of my brothers and SILs though!

I wouldn’t worry too much about it, just play it by ear and see how things develop. You don’t have to spend time with someone just because you’re related! When the kids are a bit older they can hang out without all the grownups needing to be together.

Original poster
Peonysandrose · 24/01/2024 19:18

Sadly we don’t have the money to move just for this.

i suppose im feeling a bit worried that this will ruin my chances to make any mum friends as she’ll always be there too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peonysandrose · 24/01/2024 19:21

Also just to add I would definitely not stop the cousins from getting on - I just don’t want to be constantly be having to do everything with SIL

OP posts:
Mumofteenandtween · 24/01/2024 19:25

Are you sure that the kids will be at the same school? Primary schools are often pretty small so unless you live within 3 streets of each other you may find that your kids are in catchment for different schools.

And there are generally loads of baby / toddler activities so you should be able to find ones that she isn’t at!

I have a couple of close friends whose first children were born within weeks of my eldest. It is surprising how little our paths cross. Basically only when we want them to and arrange it.

ProcrastinatingWithVipers · 24/01/2024 19:26

For my brothers DC it's high days and holidays! The kids love seeing each other but
life is too busy and I have little in common with my sil. My dc are closer to my sisters dd, who is considerably younger, but I see my sister more often, as we are virtually neighbours and enjoy spending time together.

It's not a foregone conclusion that you'll meld your lives together!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 24/01/2024 19:27

Yikes. How small is your "town"?

Ponderingwindow · 24/01/2024 19:29

My sister and I did plenty together when we lived in the same area. Dd and dn went to the same school and were in the same class.

SIL and I rarely did anything together with the children. She and I are just very different people. We are polite, no animosity, but we would never spend time together if not married to brothers.

TheGriffle · 24/01/2024 19:30

There’s 3 months between my dd and 2 of her cousins however the difference is we live 20 mins away from my in laws in different towns so not stuck together in baby clubs schools etc. we don’t do anything together unless it’s a larger family gathering.

Shinyandnew1 · 24/01/2024 19:31

Towns usually have lots of toddler groups and schools-you must just live just a few roads away if they will definitely go to all of the same places, especially schools. Are you sure that will be the case?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 24/01/2024 19:33

I don't live in the same country as my siblings and DH is an only child so It's not an issue. I think playgroups etc will be short lived. You'll be back at work, or she will and your lives will be very busy.
My challenge is family events. I have a very different parenting style to my sister and our children live quite different lives. In contrast to my kids hers are often boisterous and unruly. Unfortunately as a consequence they are compared unfavourably to mine. It causes a lot of tension.

Original poster
Peonysandrose · 24/01/2024 19:34

They moved a few roads away from us last year 🙄

to be fair I could look further afield for baby classes I suppose

OP posts:
user1471556818 · 24/01/2024 19:39

My son and nephew are only a couple of weeks apart .They were close when younger as we lived close to each other and got on well anyway. Best advice given was don't fall out when the kids fall out as they will be friends again shortly. We both tried to follow this as had different views and ideas about behaviour and I worked and she was a sahm.
I did think we both missed out at the auntie bit .But as did holidays days out etc together which was fun

Highlandflapped · 24/01/2024 19:42

3 days apart and we’ve never ever done anything as a little group. Exactly as I like it!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/01/2024 19:43

My DD2 was born 5 months before SIL’s DD. DS is due in April, 4 months after SIL’s DD2. The toddlers get on well and I get on with SIL but we don’t do everything together. Part of that is because we don’t live close at all. However, even when we are in the same place or on holiday, we don’t do everything together.

Windymcwindyson · 24/01/2024 19:45

Sil and me spent no time together.. Ever. Neither did our dc. The way she wanted it. She got free childcare and holidays from her dps. My ils never bothered to form much of a relationship with my dc...
Dc went to school at opposite ends of our village...

SuperFurryCat · 24/01/2024 19:54

There are several DC in the family the same age as one of my DC. I live in a big town though so none of them go to the same school and I’ve never encountered them at child related things. It might be different for you though because you live close together and it sounds like your SIL is determined to step on your head to get to your DC given her comment about her telling you she doesn’t like you.
What I have found with the DC being the same age as mine though is it’s brought out their competitive streak, and they constantly compare our DCs achievements and seem to try and make everything a competition 🙄.

Holidayhell22 · 24/01/2024 19:54

I think you can avoid each other.
Go to different parent & toddler groups.
Let you dh take the dcs if she insists on meet ups. You can use the time to do something you want to do.
Say no to joint birthday parties from the start.
Your children will make their own friends.

SheilaFentiman · 24/01/2024 20:03

yeah, just go to different groups. She does the village hall, you do the church garden or whatever.